I have been writing this blog for several years – and sometimes it would nice to know if some of my more loyal readers are doing practical things to further the fight for abolition.
It would help with my despair, may ease some of my trauma to know I making a change.
I feel close to rock bottom – so maybe to get me out of my box of depression, knowing others are fighting to make a real change – doing more than writing and speaking to friends who already agree.
I do not want to sound as if I don’t know of the wonderful work being done for abolition – but what shocks and sometimes saddened me is that mainly done by exited women.
These are women who working despite their trauma, despite their grief, despite living with injuries from their pasts, despite having shock coming over and through them as they speak out.
Exited women are leading the understanding and ways to bring about abolition – often in the face of deep ignorance and of dismissal of their truths.
Each and every exited who speaks her truth, is a beacon to giving the prostituted class a real future and true dignity.
But the amazing determination and courage of exited women is often isolated – they are made to feel they are screaming into a hurricane.
This is because so many who claimed to be our allies and say they want abolition of the sex trade, can be totally dismissive of exited women.
They put us in a box – a box which only opened to give an example to prove a point, a box that only allows out one exited woman at time for our multiple voices may have too much power, a box that is labelled as “fiction” for to call it “fact” would mean seeing exited women as full humans and not statistics.
Exited women have been kept inside that box for many centuries – in the box our voices have been silenced and mis-recorded, in the box we are given labels that rip away that we are humans and make just the role of whatever token whore is needed, in the our so-called allies destroyed our humility and reminds us of what to be prostituted really means.
I believe it is vital for exited women to lead the movement towards abolition – for it is the slaves who know and have lived the reasons to free all the prostituted class.
We can say it from the inside-out – but more we can make the connection to how men hate females, how that is often pre-planned and organised, we know that all violence done to females is for control and done from a place of fear.
Our words can be the key to seeing male violence with a clear eye – I suppose that is why it is vital to dismiss us just sad cases or deluded.
We will speak our truths – but it so hard, so full of pain, there is so much grief. It would good to know that those who choose to hear and not to run away from our words, were able to reach out and assist us to spread our truths.
It would be good if it was regular when exited women are asked to speak at meetings or conferences, that it is known that there is often after-effects from speaking.
This is because what is said is the tip of an iceberg of what they have live through. Speaking for many exited women is to go into performance role – a role that is the norm for many inside the sex trade.
I enjoyed speaking at large meetings, I enjoyed being able to manipulate an audience, I enjoyed having respect and some power – I enjoyed it because I am playing a role, inside that role for a short period, I am in control.
But being a role is also poisonous for many exited women – to be a role is to be detached, to be a role has roles that are scary is they go out of control, and most important being a role for many exited women is a remainder how it was inside the sex trade and to be the role of a robot.
Those who truly care for exited should be with them after these speeches.
Know it normal to go into being tough after speaking, but it may also be normal to be paranoid and feel utterly vulnerable. Know it may the exited woman may talk about everything but the sex trade and her speech – or she may want to rehash her speech and ask direct questions of you. Know she may try to run away and fall back into self-harm, or she may appear so scarily happy that you may want to run away.
All this is common after-effects when exited women speak out in public.
We need to know that solid allies and friends can be with us – not as carers, not to make themselves feel better, not from duty – but with us as equals and viewing us as full humans.
For it is terrifying to hear the power and truth of our words – we can lead, but only if we are also known to be vulnerable and in great pain.
It is the same when we write – writing is the most isolating job I know of, and to write into the depths of hell is to be alone.
Writers need their readers – we need your feedback, we need to know we have made some connections. Exited women who write need to see their words make others have a change of heart, that we can make others do practical moves to build the road to abolition.
Your comments matter so much. Knowing you sign petitions matters. Knowing you work with the prostituted matters. Knowing you speak in the language of torture and human rights matters.
Exited women love to know their words and thoughts have some impact. That they are not pissing into the wind.