I have been still inside deep trauma – been in a place where I know, see and feel why I have fought so hard for abolition.
I want to write to the screaming that makes me go forward, write to the grief that shows truth from lies.
I want to write without the simple control of “logical” sense – but write to empty broken spaces that is the trauma of prostituted class.
To write in order, to write with only clean logic is fine – but can never fit the distorted and fragmented memories that is the norm for all who have the sex trade.
It is the control of the sex trade and its allies that demands that exited women remember to their idea of “facts”, that we supply all with clear evidence, witnesses and details of place and.
The sex trade lobby know, for they have created it – that deep trauma destroys memory, and makes facts unreachable.
They know and don’t care – for they use our broken memories and lost time to control us, and to keep us sub-human.
Remember the sex trade is made up mainly of pimps and punters, and with their supporters having pimp-brains – so never think they care about the welfare of exited women.
Know they think we should be dead, too mentally damaged to speak out or so afraid that we cannot speak out.
To the sex trade lobby, there should be such thing as an exited woman, especially an exited woman who the courage and determination to be an abolitionist.
We exist despite their determination to wipe off this earth; we speak out despite their constant threats, ridicule and lies about us; we keep on keeping on even the sex trade lobby say we have no right to be human.
No wonder inside an exited woman is an avalanche of screaming.
We scream for we have known and been inside all forms of sexual, physical and mental torture that males can invent.
We scream as we see and know our tortures are dismissed as the sex trade lobby spread propaganda that we made to tortured, that it cannot classed as real violence but a chosen job.
We scream as we remember and know that each punter that makes the choice to pay to rape.
We scream as we hear the sex trade say it cannot be rape, for money equals full consent – it can only classed as rape in the sex trade if the prostitute is close to death, but even then the sex trade lobby say it just a game or fun.
We scream as we hear the sex trade lobby demand how often were you raped, when were ever tortured, where did this so-called happened – just to trip us up if we cannot remember or get confused.
Inside our screaming all the rapes, all the torturing, all the deaths we have known, all lack of hope is there – but it was repeated so often, that the mind protect all exited women by only showing the few events.
For inside our screaming, we reach the centre of the terrible truths that when torture is repeated till it become your norm, the brain cannot hold each and every event.
To live inside torture is to lose time and space – it not to live, it is to exist.
I know after reading Primo Levi speak of his time inside a concentration camp, he wrote of losing time for every day was the same, and without hope tracking time becomes pointless.
That is how to be inside the sex trade, it just about livable if you lose sense of time, place or that you are human.
That is what the sex trade lobby are so determined to silence – the fact that to be inside the sex trade long-term is such extreme torture that to breathe all the prostituted must give up on hope and learn that they are nothing but goods.
So never believe the sex trade lobby, for they are silencing and making sub-human all the prostituted class.