I have been unable to write recently.
It is partly because my grief is going into body memories, and making me too exhausted to write.
It is partly because I am scared before I am on Radio 4 this Wednesday.
It is partly because I have allowed myself to be distracted by sports on TV.
But it mainly because I am aware that porn-hounds read or track my blog and use my words against me.
This, for a while, knocked the stuffing out of me.
But I know I would come back.
Here is a tiny amount of the way my experiences and words are used against me. All these examples are searches used to find this blog –
Ultimate slut, porn doll, torture porn, tortures in porn industry true, gang raped or forced me to orgasm in forced rape, he made the hooker scream, girl had enough porn, Rebecca sex blog, most horrifying porn made, Rebecca Mott a cunt, Rebecca Mott is skanky ho, tips sex, will that fit into my cunt, exited sex scream, cunt is weeping painful fuck foto, dead sex slaves fantasies, woman made to have anal sex, porn torture violent baby girls, many rapes one slut porn video, don’t breathe porn video, stop I can’t breathe porn, my stepdad fucked me in vagina, easy money for women, is sperm good to eat, violent porn, child porn, gang rape porn.
I am sure you find that hard, triggering or near to impossible – but that is my and many other exited women daily experience of daring to confront the sex trade.
We know that our words, our experiences and our determination to fight is made into porn, made into dirt – making our words and progress seemed to be nothing.
But the more punters, sex trade lobby and their supporters try to ridicule, destroy or distort our words and experiences, the more this prove we are speaking to the truth.
Our truths is highly dangerous, the sex trade lobby is right to be afraid that we will not just heard and read, but our words plant a seed of radical change.
It is a seed that turns upside-down all the lies and propaganda of the sex trade lobby.
It is a seed that shows all the excuses, lies, propaganda and manipulation of the sex trade lobby to be ridiculous.
It is a seed that sees clearly that the conditions of prostitution are of trafficking, conditions of slavery, that all aspects of prostitution is embedded in the conditions of torture.
This seed can only grow. It will branch out into deeper awareness and the slow ability to have deep empathy with all the prostituted.
The empathy is arriving when the language of sex work is abandoned. In its place the language of human rights, the language of revolution, the language of full humanity and the language of freedom.
Awareness is shown by not fighting for harm reduction – but seeing with a clear heart that all prostitution is in the line of male violence, and fighting for abolition for prostitution can never be made safe.
Empathy is learning the gift of truly listening and hearing when exited women speak out. This means not talking over, not treating exited women are victims or pets. This means not placing your life or experiences of male violent over the words of exited women.
Awareness is on the journey to arriving if you can learn that the violence done to the prostituted was never personal – it could not be personal for the main motivation of the sex trade is make all the prostituted sub-human.
I see the growth of awareness and empathy are a slow building of firm roots of an abolitionist movement.
No abolitionist movement will work unless is firmly rooted, and has enough solidness to deal with constant attacks, to cope with grief and pain that is embedded in all abolition.
Abolition must be rooted for it a long-term fight.
Abolition is like an oak, we may not see much change or progress, but each and every day our fight and determination is building another ring of growth.
I believe that sex trade will be eradicated – only it may not be in my lifetime.
I know each and every voice from many cultures and many centuries that speak against the sex trade are inside the rings of growth towards abolition.
That is why the porn-hounds fear our voices so much.
They know the abolitionist movement is progressing, they know their language of labour or empowerment cannot hold water.
I know oppressors always are their must violent when they feel their structures of power and control getting undermined or slowly destroyed.
The sex trade lobby is reacting with violent words, with violence to hold onto their control over exited women, with violence inside social media, with mental violence when speaking to the media or at conferences.
The sex trade lobby is very noisy, full of bullies, always grabbing hold of headlines – but this is because they are such a tiny minority, and scared that fewer people believe their language of hate and fear.
I see that the abolitionist movement is making amazing progress that the sex trade lobby spends so much time and energy trying to kill us.
So although it hurts and triggers me, having so many porn-hounds on my blog.
I take it as a huge back-handed compliment, for it shows how they afraid the sex trade lobby of this wee blog.