I have very ill for many reasons, and have unable to write.
Now with great force, I will try to get to the centre of what is blocking me, what is sending sickness into my soul.
My soul is being slowly eaten alive.
It is mainly coming at me from two place.
The careless and callous use of language when so-called supporters speak about the sex trade.
And the lack of understanding of the depth and commonness of internal trafficking.
Both these are hurting me beyond pain, making me speechless, making me wanting to scream, making me apathetic as too much triggers me, making me thinking of ripping heads off of the so-called supporters.
My soul is a howling wolf, my soul is a silent stone statue of an unknown warrior, my soul is the wind in the moors, my soul is that pain which has forgotten where is came from and that it can be named.
How can we speak to the reality of prostitution, speak to the centre of being prostituted – if we turn away from language that is clear and stares deep into the darkness that is the sex trade.
Instead we have the language of detachment, the language of not connecting prostitution with human rights – the language without pain, horror or the visceral reality of what is to be prostituted.
A clean safe language that pushes away the multiple voices of those who have survived the sex trade.
A language given to the Left and even some feminists to hide blood, dead bodies and tears away.
If I hear sex worker again, I may buy an AKA, and kill some so-called supporters.
Your safe clean language is the language that colluded with the sex trade profiteers in the endless genocide of the prostituted.
Called our tortures, multiple rapes and deaths sex work – and you are an onlooker who will refuse any sense of guilt or responsibility for genocide of the prostituted class.
Prostitution cannot be made clean and safe – no matter how much you use the language of the Left, the language of labour, the language of freedom of choice.
Your words do nothing to stop the buying and selling of the prostituted, does nothing to stop all punters feeling entitle to own and torture the prostituted, does nothing for the safety of any prostitute alone with any punter or profiteer.
All your words do is make detached, make you turn away, make speak over the prostituted or those who have exited.
Your words make you imagine you understand the world of prostitution – when all you truly understand is the language of sex trade profiteers.
I have very triggered by the news in England about Rotherham, where at least 14,000 mainly girls have been internally trafficked into prostitution.
Internal trafficking is rarely reported – even though it is one of the most common ways that girls and women are drawn into prostitution.
It is only noticed if we can make the traffickers into the Other, only noticed if we can detached ourselves away from those who are being trafficked.
No-one can be detached from internal trafficking.
Traffickers, who are mostly men – come from all ethnic backgrounds, all cultural backgrounds, all ages, all classes.
Those who are trafficked are mostly females – come from all ethnic backgrounds, all cultural backgrounds, all ages, all classes.
Once you think there only a certain type of trafficker, or a certain type of female who is trafficked – then the sex trade profiteers are laughing at you.
The true terror that is internal trafficking is that it very ordinary men trafficking very ordinary girls in your home area.
I was internally trafficked – and it was made invisible.
That is normal – the sex trade is full of girls and women who were internally and no-one cared or even noticed.
The reason it is kept invisible – is because you do not want to lose your access to a wide range in prostitution.
You by ignoring internal trafficking are colluding with the sex trade profiteers.
Internal and external trafficking go hand-in-hand in providing the variety that punters demand in prostitution – providing prostitutes of many ethnicity, prostitutes who are very young, prostitutes who have no access to safety or being able to know consent.
Rotherham is just one example of the norm of the sex trade.
I think I can breathe a bit now – and hopefully sleep more than five hours.