What is Prostitution to You?

As an exited woman, I have to live with how others see the prostituted.

Most of the views of the prostituted are stereotypes whether from liberal feminists, Leftists, religious folks, friends or anyone else who feign an interest in the prostituted.

I find it only some radical feminists – not all – who listen and learn, rather tell exited women what it is to be prostituted.

I am not surprised there are so many stereotypes of what it is to be prostituted.

For at least 3000 to 4000 years, the prostituted have had no voices/voices to say who and what we are. Instead our realities are written out by being written other by those who gain from the sex trade.

It is written by punters/johns who want to ease their guilt, to pretend there is no violence coming from them.

To build up a fantasy that all the prostituted are adults – or at least adult-thinking – all the prostituted love sex and are adventurous, all the prostituted love their lifestyles.

In other words, the image of the whore-goddess, courtesan, geisha and high-class is a punter’s wet dream, and not a reality.

This image is made over many centuries and from many cultures, to stop outsiders of the sex trade looking too closely at the conditions for the so-called Happy Hooker.

The image is made to be struck in time and space, in a small moments where the prostituted can paint on a smile for the punter.

In that moment when the prostituted will say and do whatever makes a punter thinks she must be happy – this is never hard or the majority of punter have huge egos, so assume any prostitute that he has is thrilled and of course he is respectful.

It is important for the sex trade to continue, that no-one see behind the smile of the Happy Hooker.

We must not see that all the prostituted – no matter how high-class or made into goddesses – live in the constant reality of extreme male violence.

We must see that most Happy Hookers are moved all over the sex trade – many have worked the streets, many are put into porn, many are or have been strippers – all this done to shown the prostituted that they have no human rights, and will live in a constant of fear and instability.

We must see that the vast majority of Happy Hookers are not making it rich. Many have their earning taken as fines or greed of sex trade profiteers. Many may hate money connected to prostitution that they cannot and will not save it.

I and every exited woman I know, have never meet a Happy Hooker.

I have seen many prostituted women who speak the language of the stereotype of a Happy Hooker, but always in their eyes, in the pauses between the words and the words that cannot be said – there are other truths.

If we see outside the brief moment of smiling for a punter, we see centuries of prostituted pain, prostituted fear, prostituted and prostituted fury.

For to be prostituted is to be connected all the prostituted dead or alive, from your culture and all other cultures, from your class background and all other classes, from your individual country to all countries.

To be prostituted is to know what it to have no individuality – but in hidden heart to fight to remember you are and were a person.

If you back the sex trade, or even make excuses for its existence – then you are allowing that the prostituted are sub-human, and can never have access to full human rights.

Each time a punter makes the choice to buy another human for his sexual greed/need – he is making the choice to not see the human in the prostituted, and just see sexual goods.

This is made clear by the statement –

Prostitution is buying a service, not a person.

This can only be said if you willfully decide that to take sex from the prostituted is done without her mind and essence being present.

And that is presented as a good thing.

To me, that amount of detachment is signs of deep trauma.

To force your body from your mind, to detach your humanity in such an extreme fashion – is to know terror, pain and hate is present at any time or place for the prostituted.

Detachment is survival for prostituted – it is not a sign of strength or enjoyment.

I will end here, coz my brain is crying – but this is a start, not an end.

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15 responses to “What is Prostitution to You?

  1. Thanks for asking me what it was like but you’ve done such a good job already of outlining it.. I’m appalled at how current prostitutes treat us. I’ve never known a happy hooker, EVER. Not a single one.

    I have however known lots of women on Youtube who talk about it, as if happy hooking is fucking everywhere. I’ve heard lots of males talk about it as a ‘job’ and how women make ‘so much money.’

    I’ve heard that.rubbish.

    Then again I have my own story, not the Happy Hooker story. Nothing like the fauxminists, the dudes who whine about empowerment while tricks rape, abuse, and burn women with lighters and cigarettes.

    I looked at the FBI pages on prostitution yesterday.

    88% of the women and girls they’ve interacted with over the years don’t want to be in prostitution.

    If that’s not enough to sway these idiot fauxminists, nothing will.

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  2. I agree with House Mouse Queen. I have never met a happy hooker. Of course I am coming from a position of little experience. I worked in BDSM for less than ten years many many years ago (50). I look back in horror at what I did and am disgusted by all those (usually men) who say it is an empowering choice to be a prostitute. Yeah, right. I ask if they want their daughters engaging. Or if the apologist is a woman I always ask why they don’t do it themselves if it is so empowering.
    Keep up the good work, Rebecca. And keep up your spirits too. We love you.

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  3. The thing fauxminists dont even think about is this- even when all of those “happy hooker” attributes are there, it doesn’t make te experience any less dehumanizing, traumatizing and dangerous. Even if you start out as the stereotypical happy hooker you won’t stay that way. I know- that was me.

    I started from a privileged place, had some choice regardig entry (started stripping then moved to escorting than being a pro domme in my own BDSM dungeon, then back and forth again.) I also had the ultimate privilege- I was able to leave, eventually, with out the threats and danger most others deal with. From my experience, I had it as good as it gets.
    And it was horrific, and nearly killed me.

    Sex Pozzies need to know that choice and all that bullshit they spew- IT DIDN’T MATTER, I became totally detached, a junkie, hateful, angry, fearful, and it destroyed any ability I had to have actual intimacy or relationships of any kind. I’m 10 years out and still devastated. My experience led to even more abuse, because even being able to leave didn’t protect me from the mental damage. I *literally* just escaped DV when my husband- that I met while I danced- was finally removed and jailed for attacking me. Being in the sex industry primes you for taking abuse, as well as narrowing your choices for relationships to a pool of mostly abusive assholes.

    I’m rambling. Point is this – what does it say about “sex work” when the best case scenario is utterly devastating? I had it as good as it gets- and that was well below subhuman standards. And 99.9% of prostituted women/children have it 10,000x worse than I did. And yet people point to people like I used to be to excuse it.

    The “sex pozzie” lies had everything to do with my acceptance of sex as work and the ability to tell myself it was empowering. I have a few posts about it, but I need to do one on this topic because it’s a POV that is always denied (as are all exited womens voices).

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  4. To answer the question- to me prostitution is the ultimate hatred, a cesspool of deadly, entitled men, and the annihilation of the prostituted by systematic and continuous degradation. It is literal hell on earth and a plague in every nation. In every form it’s immoral and inhumane.

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  5. It really helps those of us who haven’t been prostituted to hear these stories. Ultimately, if legislation is to be in any way useful, it must take into account the point of view of those who have been prostituted and have been able to exit. We must listen to those who have walked the walk. Thank you Rebecca for your insights. Keep on educating us.

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  6. Pingback: What’s Current: Producer announces the end of Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival » Feminist Current

  7. I am startled by how close your position is to that of the Catholic Church. You almost sound like Pope Francis! You speak Natural Law, and the dignity of every human life, which should not be used or trampled on in such a horrific manner. I am deeply sorry for your experience. Prostitution is not the natural purpose of sex. It is an injustice. God bless you. Susan Fox http://www.christsfaithfulwitness.com

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  8. That is very interesting, because I am an atheist, and find most religions are very ignorant about the realities of the prostituted. They tend to want to see just as victims or bad women, which is to keep the prostituted as sub-human and stereotypes.

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  9. Pope John Paul II wrote Theology of the Body. He tried to explain to modern man what is a human being. He saw you as you explain. The Catholic Church believes that all human beings are children of God, loved by God with real human worth and dignity. It doesn’t matter what their state is. The Catholic Church embraces Natural Law. Actually the 10 Commandments are based on it. So we ask, ‘What is the purpose of sex?” Answer, loving lifelong marriage, children if possible. But not prostitution, rape or same sex relations. These things are an injustice to the natural purpose of sex. Frankly so is artificial contraception. A prostituted person would consider contraception essential because they are living in an unjust state, and it’s the only way to protect themselves. But if that oppression is gone as it should be, they can live in freedom, marry , have children.

    I met some Muslim boys on Twitter, and asked them what was the purpose of sex, and they said, thinking of the Harem, Pleasure. That’s part of it, of course, but if it’s only pleasure as they understood it — for themselves alone — then you get rape and prostitution, slavery really, the use of another human being . But that’s not God’s original plan, every woman is to be treated as an equal partner as she came from the side of man. The purpose of sex is babies AND bonding. Not one or the other.

    Before the fall in the Garden of Eden, Man in his original innocence was naked with his wife Eve, but was not aware of that fact at all. There would have been no need for feminism as men did not lord it over women. But when they choose to step away from their relationship with God, to go their own way really, Adam and Eve lost their original innocence. So when God went to find them in the garden, they hid. They realized they were naked for the first time in their lives. They had been living together naked, without knowing it. God said, “Who told you you were naked? Did you eat of the fruit of the tree I told you not to eat?” Adam, man, he sold his wife down the river right then, and blamed God for their decision. He said, “The woman you gave to me gave me the fruit to eat.” How embarrassing. Throughout eternity Eve gets the blame for Adam’s sin. But note the dig at God, “the woman you gave me.” God’s fault, Adam said.

    So the consequence of that original sin would mean that women would live under the thumb of their man. He would lord it over her, while her desire would be for him. That was our state as women, but as Christianity spread over Europe, the position of women improved. She was seen as a partner, and the Church’s position has always been in marriage, that a woman must obey her husband. But the husband MUST GIVE HIS LIFE for his wife. I think I got the easy deal when I consider that my husband is sworn to give his life to save mine. That’s Christian marriage.

    As a Catholic, obedience is easy when you marry a man whose heart is focused on his relationship with Jesus Christ. He is a good man, and I can influence his ultimate decision on any matter through prayer as he is close to God, and listens to HIm. But if not I accept his decision.

    Unfortunately, Martin Luther, who really wanted to be a lawyer, saw marriage as a legal contract, and he threw out the sacrament of Marriage. In the Protestant Churches they don’t see marriage as a sacrament, a lifelong union where the couple is united to Christ. They see it as a contract. So that was the beginning of a lot of problems for women. Without understanding the beauty,joy and freedom of a sacramental marriage, plus the natural goodness of women themselves, and the natural goodness of sex itself, then women were suspect because they could cause a male to sin. Really that’s the problem with Islam. Some Imans were saying women shouldn’t handle bananas or cucumbers because it might give them bad thoughts. Women are covered because they are the problem for men. If a woman is raped, it is her fault. Some Muslim men think if a woman walks by herself on the street, she deserves rape. If the woman is non-Muslim, she is free game for rape.

    Women — even wives — are hardly more than slaves in the Muslim religion. That’s why i got that answer from those boys — the purpose of sex is pleasure, unspoken, but true, male pleasure. And you and I know that if that’s true then prostitution is okay. Shortly i will do a post on the position of women in Islam. There are good people in Islam. I was talking to a husband of a women on a Protestant blog post about how often women should have sex with their husbands. The Muslim man complained that no matter what he did his wife was cold in bed. And he sounded like an excellent husband! I asked him if the messages in his religion concerning women might not be at fault. If I had to live in that religion, I would loathe my husband no matter how sweet he is. I must have hit the nail on the head because he didn’t respond. I had suggested he and wife discuss these messages and try to come to an agreement with one another on their married response to these messages. Mohammed said a lot of terrible things about women, including that a man’s wives were a field to be tilled. Women only look forward to more prostitution in the afterlife in Islam. Men get the 72 virgins if they make it to heaven. They are a little like Calvinists. They think God can act irrationally, and condemn a good man to hell. The only sure way to make heaven in the Quran is to die killing Christians, Jews or pagans.

    But if you like to read, a good place to start to understand what is a human being, and why is prostitution an unjust use of sex, I’d recommend Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II. God bless you. Susan Fox http://www.christsfaithfulwitness.com

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  10. Hi; great post, makes me cry , cry for all prostitutes , cry for all women . Could sisterhood be the key for surviving ?
    I am a brand new French radfem (didn’t even know I could classify myself other than bigot), and came to you via Feminist current.
    I have two daughters (20 and 23) and I am so afraid for their future…
    Accept my respect and love
    Christiane

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  11. Thank you for directing my attention to this honest piece. Thank you for your testimony. Thank you for revealing the truth about being prostituted. Thank you for being so brave to come forward as a voice in the movement to end sexual exploitation. You have my support.

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  12. Pingback: Cos’è per te la prostituzione? | Nuvolette di pensieri

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