I have very ill for over a week, and now I want to explore why.
This post is about my body and my lifetime of self-hate to my body. It is a post to say – this is the harm from prostitution.
I write because many of the long-term harms of prostitution are invisible or the pride of exited women means we never mention them.
I write because to be inside my body, I must makes friends with my prostituted body.
So I write to become fully human.
I have always ignore my body.
I deny or lessen pain or sickness.
I try to ignore hunger or exhaustion.
I walk to a state of being a zombie.
I learnt to hide from reality of male violence by turning all hate onto my own body.
When prostituted, I wanted to waste away.
Now, I am obese as I eat myself into blankness.
To feel and know the pain of prostitution is unbearable – running away seems so reasonable.
Only ignoring or hating my body is a form of slow suicide.
I am now obese – I have major breathing problems, my legs are collapsing under that weight, I find walking gets so slow.
I am at the point where I can see I may be killing myself.
I am very scared to be inside my body – but to live I have no choice.
There’s the harm.
I hope you can get help and feel better. To overcome eating disorder or obesity is a challenge needing help, and then I think you are sure to get better, but it takes patience, too. Thanks again for all your writings you have taught me so much I needed very much to learn to meet my challenges in life, too. Maybe I’ll share my learning about losing weight, but I still have to lose a lot more weight. It takes for me to plan my eating, all of my food to be planned out, and to keep track in a food journal as much as possible, but mostly to find people to help. Love to all the people changing our world for the better. Also I take a vitamin C 500 mg every day now and this helps, too. There are many things to try, I know you will enjoy better health, you deserve to feel healthy and well. I make soup with a lot of vinegar now, that helped me lose some weight, I don’t know if you like vinegar but if you do I can share the recipe.
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