I have very ill for over a week, and now I want to explore why.
This post is about my body and my lifetime of self-hate to my body. It is a post to say – this is the harm from prostitution.
I write because many of the long-term harms of prostitution are invisible or the pride of exited women means we never mention them.
I write because to be inside my body, I must makes friends with my prostituted body.
So I write to become fully human.
I have always ignore my body.
I deny or lessen pain or sickness.
I try to ignore hunger or exhaustion.
I walk to a state of being a zombie.
I learnt to hide from reality of male violence by turning all hate onto my own body.
When prostituted, I wanted to waste away.
Now, I am obese as I eat myself into blankness.
To feel and know the pain of prostitution is unbearable – running away seems so reasonable.
Only ignoring or hating my body is a form of slow suicide.
I am now obese – I have major breathing problems, my legs are collapsing under that weight, I find walking gets so slow.
I am at the point where I can see I may be killing myself.
I am very scared to be inside my body – but to live I have no choice.
There’s the harm.