I have very ill for over a week, and now I want to explore why.

This post is about my body and my lifetime of self-hate to my body. It is a post to say – this is the harm from prostitution.

I write because many of the long-term harms of prostitution are invisible or the pride of exited women means we never mention them.

I write because to be inside my body, I must makes friends with my prostituted body.

So I write to become fully human.

I have always ignore my body.

I deny or lessen pain or sickness.

I try to ignore hunger or exhaustion.

I walk to a state of being a zombie.

I learnt to hide from reality of male violence by turning all hate onto my own body.

When prostituted, I wanted to waste away.

Now, I am obese as I eat myself into blankness.

To feel and know the pain of prostitution is unbearable – running away seems so reasonable.

Only ignoring or hating my body is a form of slow suicide.

I am now obese – I have major breathing problems, my legs are collapsing under that weight, I find walking gets so slow.

I am at the point where I can see I may be killing myself.

I am very scared to be inside my body – but to live I have no choice.

There’s the harm.