Here’s the Harm

I have very ill for over a week, and now I want to explore why.

This post is about my body and my lifetime of self-hate to my body. It is a post to say – this is the harm from prostitution.

I write because many of the long-term harms of prostitution are invisible or the pride of exited women means we never mention them.

I write because to be inside my body, I must makes friends with my prostituted body.

So I write to become fully human.

I have always ignore my body.

I deny or lessen pain or sickness.

I try to ignore hunger or exhaustion.

I walk to a state of being a zombie.

I learnt to hide from reality of male violence by turning all hate onto my own body.

When prostituted, I wanted to waste away.

Now, I am obese as I eat myself into blankness.

To feel and know the pain of prostitution is unbearable – running away seems so reasonable.

Only ignoring or hating my body is a form of slow suicide.

I am now obese – I have major breathing problems, my legs are collapsing under that weight, I find walking gets so slow.

I am at the point where I can see I may be killing myself.

I am very scared to be inside my body – but to live I have no choice.

There’s the harm.

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One response to “Here’s the Harm

  1. I hope you can get help and feel better. To overcome eating disorder or obesity is a challenge needing help, and then I think you are sure to get better, but it takes patience, too. Thanks again for all your writings you have taught me so much I needed very much to learn to meet my challenges in life, too. Maybe I’ll share my learning about losing weight, but I still have to lose a lot more weight. It takes for me to plan my eating, all of my food to be planned out, and to keep track in a food journal as much as possible, but mostly to find people to help. Love to all the people changing our world for the better. Also I take a vitamin C 500 mg every day now and this helps, too. There are many things to try, I know you will enjoy better health, you deserve to feel healthy and well. I make soup with a lot of vinegar now, that helped me lose some weight, I don’t know if you like vinegar but if you do I can share the recipe.

    Like

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