I have been fighting for the simple right of being being human in this blog for many years, not for me but for all my prostituted Sisters.
I am so exhausted now – all I do is silent screaming. Maybe if you can hear with understanding, then maybe I can get more support and spiritual thoughts.
Today, I woke on my payday, to find it had gone till next Tuesday. It trigger very dark thoughts, it triggers “easy ways” to make money.
I will not act on those thoughts, I have grow far away from that – but the demons still eat my hope away.
I am proud I have built a life away from men buying me, I am proud I became an abolitionist – but it still hurts, I still live inside extreme trauma.
I am not whole – each time my mind panic back into my old life, each time my body speaks of past sexual tortures, each time I imagine I am nothing – I know am still broken.
I have made myself independent, have organised my life to be quiet and still – but my past is still poison in my blood.
Being exited from prostitution is wonderful, it can make you appreciate every moment with awe.
But there are always ghosts, always pain, always deep grief.
This will last as long even one woman or girl is inside any form of prostitution.
This will last as long any man anywhere thinks it is his right to consume the prostituted.
Trauma cannot go away until there is full justice for all the prostituted, and all punters and sex trade profiteers are made accountable for our oppression.
I am broken, but I will always scream for freedom.