I am trying to dig deeper in this post.
Dig into my trauma, dig into grief, dig towards forgotten memory, dig round confusion.
I dig for a future, dig reaching for hope, dig because I choose to live.
For too much of my life, I only live in the moment waiting without emotion for death to catch up with me.
I could not allow pleasure in – I stopped listening to music, ignore films,run away from family who loved me.
I survived my years of prostitution by making my heart into ice.
I forgot how to laugh, I stopped dancing, I eat only to stay alive, I try to never to close my eyes.
To be prostituted, to be prostituted long-term,is to enter the world of the living dead.
All that is left of the personhood of the prostituted soul is a sex puppet for punters and sex trade to manipulate.
Look at any prostituted woman, girl or man – look with a heart into their eyes,and see their deadness.
See those dead eyes, see their detachment, see their lack of hope – and then speak the words of Labour, words of free choice, words of empowerment.
Speak those words without bile blocking your throat.
I want to go deeper into what prostitution does to the soul, I used my broken memories as an example of the common violence.
To understand what prostitution is, you must understand it is never personal, all violence done to the prostituted see no human only the role of the whore.
The violence done to the prostituted is always extreme, always done to destroy, always repeated by many men over and over and over.
The violence is as old as humans discovering rape, is changes with fashion but is always the same.
This violence is never personal, for if I had not been in the room at that particular time or place, the punter or sex trade profiteer would of replace me with another prostituted woman or girl.
The fundamental horror of being prostituted is having no personhood – every rape, every form of torture, even being murdered is interchangeable with all others in the prostituted class.
No punter or sex trade profiteers sees or want to know it is a human that they are destroying.
So sickness rises to the top, when all language round the realities of prostitution is framed in the language of work, language of empowerment, and call choice.
All choice is stolen in the moment the prostitute is brought or sold, all route to empowerment are closed as the exchange is made.
To understand the inside of prostitution, speak in the language of torture,speak to human rights, speak comparing to genocide.
See the scale of being raped by thousands of men, see the impact of every form of mental/physical/sexual torturing on your prostituted body and mind.
Know it is normal for a long-term prostituted woman to have enter when she was under-aged – many coming from previous mental/physical/sexual violence.
Know that many so-called free choice prostituted enter prostitution due to poverty, due to pressure from so-called lovers or family, or the lies and propaganda spread by the sex trade.
More important to truly understand prostitution, you must understand that no punter cares why the prostitute is there or her background.
The punter is paying to own a sex doll – which he can use till he tosses her away for more punters to consume.
In his mind there is no violence done for there is no human for such violence to be put in.
Prostitution is a crime where no human is involved.
I hope this is a start to digging deeper.
Please tell your views.