I am having a break, thinking of moving from city life to small town life.
This is a massive change for me, but it will getting back the good side of my family, and stop some of my isolation.
I am a city girl in my heart, but have always done by cutting myself off a great deal.
Now, I am slowly changing.
I want and need to give and receive help with love.
I need to know I can belong inside my family.
I need to build up my emotional and physical welfare.
I cannot do everything by myself.
The sex trade pull out trust, asking for help, sense that you can be worthy of others loving you – and trashes all that in the bin.
Part of rediscovering our true humanity is learning that there is no need to do everything alone.
Prostitution made me, and so many of my exited friends terrified to ask for love or help.
Our fear comes from years of rejection, years of betrayal, years of building an existence where walls round our inner selves.
To learn to trust, to learn to be vulnerable, to learn we are lovable is confusing and scary.
The rules of basic existence were withhold from us, but our pride makes us not show we are all too lost.
How can learn to receive when you have been brought and sold.
How can understand trust when you survived by following rules that changed all the time.
How do understand the language of love when rape and mental violence was enclosed in those words.
Relearning how to be human is what it is to be exited from the sex trade.
I may learn by slowing down.