I have put my soul music, music that I know so well it is in my blood, so I can get back to writing.
Soul music is my soother, my root back to a past I wanted but never had, and soul music speaks to my silences.
I have been beyond upset, I have been frozen away from work or remembering what made me who I am now.
I need to reach down and grasp hold of my soul and let it scream out its silence.
To know the parts of me that find language so hard, I must see and know the conditions of my past, see and know those who gain by my silencing, and see and know that abolition is not a dream, but an urgent reality.
I will start in the middle, with those who gain by my and all exited women staying silent.
First and foremost, all punters gain normality and lack of stigma, if exited women have no voices.
They can pay to rape, pay to torture, pay to mentally abuse, pay to murder with no consequences or public shaming.
Punters want to viewed as good guys, or as victims – they hate our voices for we expose them as sadists and criminals.
Then there is the sex trade/work lobby and their cronies – they have a full-time in silencing all words of exited women.
They cover this up with disingenuous phrase –
We must only listen to current sex workers.
Please look carefully at those words.
Think about the conditions of prostitution, and then think what access prostituted women have to use their own words to describe their lives.
When we work in domestic violence, we know many women will speak of loving the man that battered them, we know many women stay thinking they can change his behaviour.
We do not take them at their word.
But we are meant to think every prostituted is right if she said she is empowered, she is in control, that her punters treat her with respect.
This is the language of sex trade profiteers and punters, it is the language of survival when you are prostituted.
I and most exited women used that language when we were prostituted.
We used it to convince ourselves that it was normal to be prostituted.
We used it to forget the constant hate and violence put into our body and soul.
We used the language of our oppressors for we knew no other words.
Part of the joy and liberation of becoming an exited woman is discovering there are many other words and we can invent anew language.
The language of abolition, the language of human rights, the language of self-determination, the language of freedom.
To understand why abolition must be the aim, we must see and fully know the conditions of prostitution.
This not about being graphic, or wanting shock for the sake of it – it about knowing what are fighting about and for.
We must know all prostitution is the conditions of trafficking, that there no form of prostitution that can be made safe.
As long as it is normal for puntersto know they can buy another human for their sexual wants, no prostitute will ever be safe.
No punter cares or wants to know how the prostitute can to be there – he is just a consumer who pays to control and own his sexual goods.
The puntershas no interest in her past, no interest in any injuries on her body, no concern that she cannot speak the local language, no upset that pimps may be controlling.
That has no relevant to his sexual fantasy, or more than likely it is feeding that fantasy.
Punters will use violence on all types of the prostituted, this violence will be fast or low, this violence will be in any place.
The violence is usually pre-planned, not spontaneous.
Most violence done to the prostituted is extremely sadistic – most would be classed as torture and rape if it was done to the non-prostituted.
It is the norm for the prostituted to know torture, to be raped beyond counting, to have a constant knowledge that they could made to disappear or murder any day.
How dare anyone call that sex work!
So to end, we must speak to abolition.
We must learn from other other Abolitionists who have succeeded.
Abolition is hard, and is a long-term project, it is planting a tree that we may see.
But abolition must be real for the prostituted – no woman can free when so many women are embedded in the hell that is prostitution.