In this post, I want to reach into my silence.
I am not sure if this will work, or even make sense. But to reach my place of hell, I have to dig deep.
I have no visual memory – when I think I see no images, only I surrounded by feelings or the lack of feelings.
I think I stop seeing coz my mind could hold the reality of hell, so it stored it inside the rest of my body.
So from that place of hell, I was given many gifts.
The gift of the agony of body memories speaking truths to my mind.
The gift of being too alert and sleeping that refuses to be too deep.
The gift of having dead emotions that cannot connect with others.
The hell that is named indoors prostitution – be that girlfriend experience, be that escorting, be that dancing for sex – that remains in every cell of my body.
I am proud to be an exited woman, proud that my blog reaches and changes so many, proud that I still am alive and moving in the right direction.
But the hell I have lived inside, never fully leaves me.
It is hell that grabs my throats choking me as I am determined to live.
It a hell in an endless sickness in my stomach.
It a hell that is laughing at my every effort to just be normal and free from the sex trade.
I fight each and every day for that freedom.
The route to freedom is long, hard and full of traps.
To be truly free from the sex trade and all it mental abuses, we need destroy it root and branch – not pussyfoot with endless discussions or bad laws.
Exited women – and men – need justice.
To have justice, we must see what that means. I can write from my point of view, but I hope my ideas connects with other exited folks.
Justice to me is real punishment for each and every man who makes the choice to consume the prostituted.
By punishment, I do mean a smallish fine and some therapy for punters.
Punters are not victims or unaware of the harms they are doing.
No they are criminals, usually vicious criminals.
Punters do not accidentally pick up a prostitute out of boredom, coz they are lonely or coz they too ugly to get a real woman.
No punters pre-plan buying the prostituted.
Most punters are in a stable relationship, punters are just greedy, callous and cold.
By justice, I mean punters should get prison sentences or at the least, be fined round a tenth of their earnings.
With true justice, it would punters who felt stigmatised – not the prostituted.
To have justice, all sex trade profiteers would be rotting in prison.
I think the minority of twenty years is some justice for choosing to make the prostituted into sub-humans.
All sex trade profiteers get their fortunes from allowing torture, serial rapes, mental abuse, and disappearances of the prostituted.
We must stop allowing human rights crisis.
All sex trade profiteers have made the choice to create a genocide – but all too often it made invisible by being labelled as adult entertainment.
If we choose to not see sex trade profiteers and punters as criminals, we are enabling this genocide.
This is not the time to be a voyeur as the prostituted as burning in hell.
Either stand with us and fight for real justice – or be honest with yourself, and say you can never see the prostituted as fully human, and deserving of full human rights.
I am tired of writing this.
Tired of speaking to genocide, speaking to torture, speaking to serial raping, speaking to mass disappearances of the prostituted.
Tired of helping others with complex trauma from years of punters making them sub-human .
Tired of living complex trauma, tired of sleep pattern going all the place.
Damned it, I am bloody tired that so few care enough to make real and permanent change for the prostituted.
So please do more, we are drowning.