I am very sad.
I feel broken, but on the mend. I feel vulnerable, but with a steel heart. I am drowning in sadness, but still reaching out for hope.
I do not know how to write into this space, so I write until words make their own meaning.
This is complex trauma, this is fragmented memory, this is the heart of an exited prostituted woman.
All I know is I need to write to the unspeakable or what is framed as unsayable.
That the conditions of being prostituted, that the evil of the stealing of our humanity.
That is to speak to the deafening silence and inaction as there is a daily raping, torturing and murdering of the prostituted.
This is the oldest and biggest genocide in history – only made made invisible by replacing the prostituted with yet more vulnerable women and girls.
As you read this, the prostituted are in hell.
Thisis a place where consent has no real meaning – consent is ripped away andrelplace with cash, gifts, stereotyping and entitlement.
This is a place where no prostitute can be rape, no prostitute is allowed to feel real pain, no prostitution is given the dignity to remember she is a full human being.
Hell is to be raped so often that you to name it as even abuse.
Hell is accept gang raping a risk of the job.
Hell is never knowing if a punter will be gentle, bored you with pointless chat, or choose to tortured or mentally abused.
Hell is the slow dissolving of the Self as you are turn into sexual goods that used by too many and thrown away too often.
And that is a tiny aspect of being prostituted.
This is hell not sex work, when any punter at any time and in any place, can be spreading out STDs.
This is hell when many punters could not give a damn that their pounding, their grabbing, their violent oral sex, their demand for anal, their hands ripping and pulling – cause internal injuries that destroy our hopes and dreams.
This is hell when punters think it is ok to do to the prostituted what must never been done to real women and girls.
That is hell on earth – made invisible for society wants to turn away.
My sadness is a silent chocking scream.
It is a scream that comes from a place of knowing all the rules are changed for the prostituted.
Look at the rules of violence against women.
We see in domestic violence, that many woman will want to makes excuses for the male violence. But we choose to see their pain, confusion and terror being behind those words.
With the prostituted, we only hear brief words that say it all fine and dandy – to say all is empowering, safe enough and a free choice.
We know most rapists are very ordinary men, men who may be trusted,men who appears as decent.
We know most rapists hide in plain sight as the good father, friendly work colleague, or trusted friend.
But we change the rules, to say there are a few violent punters who are clearly monsters.
But most hurtful and damaging, if how those who fiercely fight for human rights and to violence women and children, ignore and dismiss the prostituted.
In other words, how good people keep the prostituted as subhuman and disposable.
This is made clear as our deaths, rapes, disappearances and torturing is unrecorded.
Every exited woman is a witness to disappearances,murders, extreme violence/torturing, suicides and forms of slavery – but our witnessing is ignored and thrown away.
As we try to tackle violence to women and children, we could use these expert witnesses.
Exited women have deep knowledge of what male violence can be and how ordinary it is.
Exited women can see the depths of hate from men who choose to be violent.
Exited women know this violent is pre-planned, it never accidental or about sex – it always an act of power and entitlement.
Ignore the words of exited women, and there can never be true feminism.
Please when you read these words, fight harder and with more determination to free all the prostituted.