Thoughts from My Spirit

I am not religious, but I believe in metaphors to understand who and what I am.

I reach into my Self, and nine aspects or spirit forms.

They may be ways to dig deep and know the unknowable.

They may be real or part of my unconscious mind unpacking pain, grief and the fight  for justice.

I don’t know if it matters, for it part of healing and road to being fully alive

BABY

The baby is attempting to be happy despite neglect, being cold and sense of fear.

The baby wants to pleases, need to play – but has to do that alone.

The baby learns to stop crying, stop noise – in silence she may disappear.

Always without reason, the baby spirit want to believes in joy and hope.

The baby stay in her cot and then nothing matters.

LITTLE GIRL

The little girl is still wanting to play – but rage gets in the way.

Rage coz there is pain in between her legs.

Rage coz her mum is not listening, not interested in her existence.

Rage that her stepdad is still alive and still wanting her alone.

Rage that she knows no-one sees he is bad, that he should in prison or shot like a dog.

The little girl wants to like normal girls.

But always headaches, sick stomach, that pain in places without language gets in the way.

The headaches makes want death.

Death become her only friend, death seems so comforting.

The little girl starts running away, starts cutting, starts smoking and drinking.

She imagine she is tough – not scared, not hurting, certainly no victim.

She has the heart of a street child – reckless, going straight to danger, whilst always terrified and not knowing how to exist.

And always the little girl just wants to be happy.

MERMAID

The mermaid is the little girl’s friend.

The mermaid exist for she is the children that could live in a world of adult hate and violence.

The mermaid did not survive abuse, and now choosing to never know that life.

Her world is where no adults are allow, where no memories of them is let in.

It is playing, dressing up, dancing, playing records, watching TV – anything that closes out reality.

The mermaid will brush her hair with her mirror whenever emotions come too near.

Only no dancing, no swimming away, no music, no playing can stop grief, or the body memories.

The mermaid is broken, crying into water seems so pointless.

DRAGON

Speaking of grief, the dragon holds all that pain, grief and shock tightly in her cave.

The dragon hides in that cave, afraid to show her Self to the world.

The dragon has learnt through centuries of pain and ignorance, that her existence is never believed.

The dragon is wise – but knows all her knowledge will be dismissed.

So hidden in her cave, she see the violence and hate that men pours out on females.

She sees child abuse, she sees rape, she see domestic violence – and at the centre of all thatvhate and violence she see the sex trade poisoning the whole world.

The dragon howls, the dragon pours fire on fields – all that empty fury and grief goes unseen, unheard.

For men write history, and have long ago written out the truths of the dragon.

TEENAGER

The teenager is refusing to remember that she is a human, she exists only air goes into her lungs.

The teenager is nothing outside the eyes of punters.

She exists to be hurt, she exists to please violent men.

The teenager sees hope and dignity as a train crashing into her.

The teenager decides she will be a Whore, for she has no worth, no wish to live, she is their sexual doll.

Only, deep in the teenager is wanting more, a secret whispering in her heart –

There is more to life than this hell, fight teenager fight to stay alive.

The teenager is raped close to death, she is destroy by porn dreams of endless punters.

But somehow she keeps living.

The teenager is placed into too many gang rapes, too many anal raping, too much deep throating, too many ways to torture every cell of her body.

But somehow she keeps living.

Somehow, she keeps private parts of her Self that no punter, no porn dreams can ever reach or destroy.

I would say my teenager is the bravest person I ever known.

SNAKE

The snake hold memories of what words cannot express.

The snake reach to visual art, to music, to dance, to a howling to say what we have no words for.

The snake knows beauty is vulnerable, that innocence is easily broken, that hope seems too far away.

So the snakes wraps her body round these treasures, keeping them safe and secret.

HORSE

The horse always wants freedom, often running away to find it.

The horse is a loner, but on occasions want to be sociable.

The horse will never be fence in – all labels are refused for limiting her existence.

Her motto is – any club that wants me as a member, I don’t want to belong to.

The horse always sees beyond now and imagine it must be better anywhere but here.

TIGER

The tiger is strong, the tiger is playful, the tiger is young.

The tiger is looking for a mother to love her unconditionally.

Only the mother rejects the tiger.

The tiger wanders through with a gap in her existence – so she plays harder, roars deeper to pretence it does not effect her.

EAGLE

The eagle is a clear sighted holder of truths.

The eagle sse who is the cause of all that pain, all the trauma.

The eagle sees punters, sees my stepdad, sees those who made money from my pain.

The eagle see it is male sexual greed, male hate, male need to dominate that is destroying the world.

The eagle will not see excuses, justifications,women-blaming in her eye-line for they are not her target.

For to destroy the sex trade, there must a clear understanding that the demand and supply are her prey.

The eagle knows to create abolition you only see the rabbit not the field.

 

I hope this gives you some insight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One response to “Thoughts from My Spirit

  1. So vivid, beautiful, sad, and, yes, hopeful. “The mermaid is broken, crying into water seems so pointless.”

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s