Changes Not Change of Heart

This post is very important to me, and is something I thinking about for round a year or so.

I live inside fragmented memory, and surrounded by parts of my family who cannot believe that I was prostituted.

These individuals are folks that love me deeply, and I love them too.

This has lead to having many questions and no answers about whether I prostituted or not.

This what I will try to explore in this post, and if you read this and feel I have let you down in any way, I am just trying to be honest.

I am very unclear about whether it was prostitution or not.

I know that many sadist men who did know me or even look me in the eye consume me and throw me away.

I did not have a pimp or pimps.

I was rarely paid or given much money.

I did not work in brothels or on the streets.

I was tortured in flats, hotel rooms and rooms above clubs or pubs.

Maybe it was my self-driving towards sadist men and dangerous places – maybe it was part of prostitution.

My fragmented gives me so little that is solid – just endless rooms, snapshots of endless forms of torturing, and a pain saying this is your truths.

I feel I want this blog to more general and less personal.

I may have to more distance.

This blogis not a diary, or poor me autobiography.

No – whether or not prostitutedis at the heart of my memory, this blog is written for radical change for the prostituted class.

Whether or not I can claimed to be an exited woman, I have a deep connection with my exited Sisters and a few exited men.

I know what it is to be made sub-human not by a few men but by so many my brain breaks down counting them.

I know how it is to raped, passed around, and tortured so often by too many men – till the only way to survive is to block out reality and become a robot.

I know that prostitution is not the same as incest, not the same as domestic violence, not the same as date rape.

I will to the prostituted class, whether as an outsider or as an exited woman – the prostituted class are the heart of my politics, heart of my wanting to be connected.

This blog is first and foremost for all exited women who fight for justice, dignity and radical change for all the prostituted.

I may never have a solid past, but warrior is always by their side.


Popping In and Out

There is a current fear that brothels are popping up in decent places and for any gathering where many men may gather.

This is portrayed as a new threat.

It is as old as the sex trade learnt it major profit came from places its enslaved goods indoors.

As new as the Ancient societies who built pop-up temples/brothels round the Olympics, around religious festivals, around seizure of land and property.

I am trying to write notes on pop-up brothels as a new event, but all I see and hear are the ghosts of prostituted class – why are re-inventing the wheel in order to distract from real action.

The threat is not to dig into the motives of modern pop-up brothels, but to shine a bright light into the conditions that all the prostituted class have to do endured.

Part of making real and radical change is to know the past for the prostituted is horrifyingly similar to our times.

Torture have not changed, murder has not changed, mental violence has not changed, making women and girls into sexual goods has not changed, porn being forced into the living bodies of the prostituted has not changed.

And the constant genocide of replaceable and disposal women and girls named the prostituted class has not changed.

All that has changed is the words used to keep this violence invisible, all that is changed is the technology and its availability to the masses of men.

Know the sex trade is always up with technology, finding the cheapest and most widely spread ways to enticed the punters.

The world of the sex trade is as as large as that society and time knows.

We live in a world of instant and world-wide contact at tap of a lap-top, a world where any punter can order up an escort as easily as ordering a pizza.

But the sex trade was in every corner of the Roman Empire, with a constant supply of slaves, captured “prizes” from wars to give punters variety and access to do sadist sex on demand.

Punters have never live in a time where their sadist and porn-fuelled demands will not be cater for.

Part of that demand is for pop-up brothels as their right.

All religious and political events supply access to the prostituted, now and in the past.

Sporting events will be trailed by pop-up access to the prostituted, now and in the past.

All long-terms wars or expansion into other countries, will be have a following of the sex trade – now and in the past.

This is the bitter history of the sex trade, the greed, hate and violence follow men who may become punters into war-zones, into places of natural disasters, into societies where poverty is embedded, into places where child abuse is normal – always making as large a profit as possible.

The sex trade is a vampire – destroying hope and freedom for all women and girls by saying in the long run any man at any time, in any place and almost all societies can make them into sexual goods, and have sadism and porn poured into their bodies.

The sex trade and its poison is not modern in this attitude, it be full of hate and lies for the minimum of three or four thousand years.

So, it hard to say that the modern threat of pop-up brothels is new.

I know as long as we make the sex trade a normal part of any society, then the violence will continue.

The only way to end violence to the prostituted is to close down the sex trade root and branch.

This starts with confronting demand, confronting all punters.

We need to shout that no man has the right to buy another human for his sexual greed, his sense of entitlement, for his desire to be sadist without consequences.

There is no human right that states buying the prostituted is ok.

Punters need to learn that their penis will go green and drop off if they don’t get access to the prostituted.

We need explode the myths and lies that are said about why there is a demand.

Most punters are men in a stable relationships, men who have a staple job, men who appear to be happy with their lives.

They are not the disabled, the ugly, the lonely or the discarded men that the sex work propaganda said they are.

But either if they fit those categories, still it is not a human right to consume the prostituted.

Being ugly or lonely does not stop doing the work of building a real relationship.

It is insulting to say the disabled must consume the prostituted – that is saying one oppressed group must oppressed another, as the oppressor of both stand back and takes the profit.

It become the norm that buying and consuming of the prostituted is a criminal act, that punters become pariahs.

That is a start to ending the normalisation of the sex trade.

The start of dignity and true hope being given to the prostituted class.

Bloody know our past, stop reinventing the wheel – and start fighting for radical justice for all the prostituted.




New Words For Old Violence

I wish to write after a long silence about my frustration that it is thought that violence is worse in the sex trade than the past.

This is not true.

Torture, murder, mass raping, mental destruction and child abuse has always been the norms of prostitution, porn and all other aspects of the sex trade.

All that is changed is we finally living in an age where it is seen – seen and then made  invisible – no longer hidden in plain sight.

There was no golden age where prostitution was non-violent, no golden age where the prostituted class were respected.

There is no culture that normalising the sex trade where porn is just mutual sex.

There is no time where the prostituted have safety, dignity and access to basic human rights.

Gonzo porn is just new word for old violence.

Punters in all centuries, in most cultures have always pushed the boundaries of sexist sex

To consume the prostituted is the same whatever century it is placed – it is a place where punters can be as sadist as they can imagine with no consequences.

The main change is that now the voices of exited women are slowly being shouting out.

This is the change where hope of justice can become a reality.

For most of history, the prostituted have no voice – the only voices were of the punters and sex trade profiteers

So, it is not surprising that the violence appears to be new.

Where are the voices of the enslaved prostituted women tortured and and murdered in Ancient Greek and Roman temples?

Where are the voices of the prostituted in medieval brothels?

Where are the lasting records of the wasted lives of geishas, of courtesans?

Where is the voices of the thousands of prostituted women and girls in Regency England?

That is a tiny sample of the endless silence.

What history gives us is the views of those who want put on rose-tainted glasses.

We get Fanny Hill, we get I Claudius, we get Moulon Rouge, we get Norman Mailer, we get Memoirs of a Geisha, we get endless paintings, essays and novels on how fun prostitution is.

The truths of violence, the truths of genocide, the truths of serial raping are firmly placed into a box.

The screams, the pleas for something better, the agony of the prostituted class is made to not exist.

So, now with no history it is imagined that sadist porn and prostitution was invented after the 1980’s.

So ignored the evidence that slipped through the small gaps.

Ignored the pottery, graffiti and notes left from Ancient Greece and Roman societies showing sadist raping of the prostituted.

Ignored the poverty, the extreme desperation that was the background noise for the prostituted in Regency London.

Ignored how Victorian punters demanded child prostitutes as a staple.

Ignored how geishas/courtesans had no rights outside what their male punters give them, and were thrown away when seen as too old or independent.

Again this a tiny sample of how we refuse to see the violence done the prostituted is not new.

As long as the sex trade is normalised, the extreme violence and hate will be the norm that all the prostituted have to live with.

Please don’t all this genocide to be invisible.


No Prostitution Day

Today is International No Prostitution Day.

Wow, one day in the sea of pro-sex work propaganda.

One day to confront the male demand for the prostituted.

One day to grieve the endless rapes, torturing and murders of the prostituted.

One day to speak to the trauma, suicides and internal/external injuries that is the realities of the prostituted.

One day to say it is not drugs that push most into prostitution – no drugs becomes a way of staying alive by numbing and destroying the reality of being made into subhuman fuck toy.

One day to mourn how so many girls with no access to self-worth, often fron years of  neglect, abuse and isolation are the supply for sex trade profiteers.

One day no prostitution is the cure to female poverty – not when pimps steal the money, – and not when no money is ever enough to stop life-long trauma from serial raping and torturing.

One day to say out loud about complex trauma as only gift that is given to exited women. Trauma worse than most frontline soldiers.

One day to speak to all the physical injuries done to the prostitute – the ripping of our vaginas and anuses, the constant reality of STDs, the bruises, the lose of memory from bashing our heads too often, the marks from strangulation, the cuts and external/internal injuries from sadist sex acts.

And that a tiny tip of a endless iceberg  of what the prostituted endured.

That is rebranded as the risk of the job – and made invisible.

One day to say the prostituted have always resisted this sexual slavery – but the story of prostitution is written by punters and sex trade profiteers, so our voices are silenced.

One day to say, there can be no safe form of how to be a prostitution, there can no safe place to be prostituted in.

The only safety is abolished all forms of prostitution.

We need shout out loud to drown out the sex work propaganda, and not for one but every day until all the prostituted are free.



I cannot leave the shadows, the ghosts of being prostituted.

I am proud to build a real life, not the living inside sick world of whoredom – but all round me is reminders pulling out words of never being allowed to fully human.

I have written for years about the lack of humanity that is the existence of being that world.

But what is unforgivable is that lack of humanity is also the existence of too many who left the sex trade.

To be exited is not to be free, to be exited is know the grief that you constantly marked with reminders of whoredom.

To be fully human is in the gaze of others.

This gaze is one that says in many word and silence – once a whore, always a whore.

In that environment, full human rights and humanity is just a bitter dream for the vast majority of the prostituted, exited or enduring the sex trade.

I speak to the many ignorances, barriers and hate speech that build walls to any access for the prostituted class to be made fully human.

Before, I start this very personal and radical statement, I will write some context or at the least some words that explain why I will not shut up.

I wish to say much of shutting down access to humanity for the prostituted is not just by the usual suspects – sadly huge barriers are placed by those who are considered to be our allies.

To be a whore, is to know isolation. Isolation from friends and allies, who cannot fully empathise or even listen with openness to our realities.

Part of the stealing of our humanity is never to be allowed speak with independent and separate voices.

Instead we are treated as children or keep in a victim role.

This means our words and truths are translated into language that is acceptable to our allies.

Our rawness is tamed, our sense of deep and profound connections is made simple and tidy.

Our words describing hell are made ordinary, our knowledge of male violence is dismissed.

Most exited women learn through bitter experience to stay silent, only speaking truths to others exited women, or maybe to the echoes of grief and pain that is her surroundings.

Part of this terrible silence, comes from the constant lessening of our truths by speaking in comparisons.

Yes prostitution is connected to rape, to domestic violence and sexual harassment – but what is passed over is the differences and the scale.

To be prostituted is to know your rapes are called work – or the risk of the job.

Most women are raped, but for most women outside the sex trade it rare they are raped by more five separate men.

The prostituted have the norm of being raped by so many punters that they cannot count them without losing the will to live.

To be a full-time long- term prostituted woman is to be raped by hundreds or thousands different punters.

It is rape landscape, where the rapists have no individuality – no faces, no names and no words.

To be prostituted, is to call rape nothing, nothing too raped – see I was not dead, so what’s the problem?

Sexual harassment at work is viewed as a serious issue for the non-prostituted, often there can be tribunals or union involvement.

Sexual harassment for the prostituted is just the daily routine.

Our bodies are there to be grabbed, to be fucked over, to be forced to all and every sick fantasy that sex trade profiteers and punters can dream of.

We are not human, just goods for punters to poke, move around, screw, and stripped of all hope.

And when punters or sex trade decide to batter or more likely torture it is made of no importance – it nothing happening to nobody.

The battery of the prostituted is not the same as domestic violence, though of course it has many similarities.

No, we must used the language of torture, of human rights violations, of making a genocide when describing the beating down of the prostituted.

There is no aspect of prostitution where this beating is not the norm – for the real purpose is stripped the prostituted woman of all access to being human and making her is deposable goods.

To become a whore is broken down mentally and physically.

This may involved making her thinks no-one outside the whoredom cares about her – she has no friends or family, only the fake world of the sex trade.

This is to placed her in constant fear of worse violence or death, till she accept the unacceptable amounts of rapes and torturing as being not so bad.

This may involved placing branding on her so she not human, but the goods of a pimp.

This may involved moving her round many aspects of the sex trade, often increasing the violence – so she is disoriented and made to lose access to what it is to be fully human.

That is a human rights crisis, that is severe torture.

But when in the land of whoredom, is just sex work.

That is some of my anger, my pain, my grief that reminds even though I proud to an exited woman, proud of my struggle – I still nowhere near being considered as fully human.

When exited women are leaders in the Abolitionist movement, not constantly tamed and controlled by others – then that may a road back to being fully human.

When our deep wisdom and knowledge into male violence, into understanding complex trauma, into making connections of history, cultures and the public gaze is heard – then we may starting the journey back to humanity.

We need more than the Nordic Approach – we need the radical change of fully listening to the needs of the prostituted class, even when it goes against the interests of the Left or even feminists.

For until the Left and feminism fully listen to the prostituted – and does not speak over, through and for us – we will know they never see us as fully human, and we know we constantly being betrayed.

We have murdered, tortured and raped for the minimum of 4-5000 years – and our cries of pain, of sorrow and of needing a revolution have pushed away and silenced.

We are sick of being patience, of putting others before our existence – we are sick of be made invisible in your desire for radical chance.

The voices of whores are furious.

The fury of deep grief, fury of knowing every way the human body can be tortured but somehow stay alive, the fury of always to made into an appendix when it comes to human rights.

We know must bulldozed over allies who refuse to give simple access to being fully human.

We are a revolution, whether you like it or not.


My Self Alone

Writing this blog is very tough.

I try to connect to my words, but the more power in them, the more detached I get.

This blog is read all over the world, and I have only been to Europe and many American states.

I know my readership is beyond my counting, even in the early stages of this blog more readers than my mind can factor in.

All this is very surreal to me, especially as I live a very uninteresting lifestyle.

I choose to live with as few excitements as possible – for an interesting life can be a curse.

I like to be ordinary, like to go under the radar.

But this blog is the part of my soul, my lonely Self wanting publicity and some kind of purpose for a better future.

I write because it is the role I choose to live.

I write coz to survive prostitution is carry ghosts that demand a voice.

I write because silence is a living death.

Many of readers say this blog help give some voices to the prostituted who cannot speak out.

The prostituted who layer on layer on layer are dead from murder, suicide or unable to survive.

The prostituted who have been made to disappear – maybe into worst aspects of the sex trade, maybe into a silence made of too many memories, made bones pile on bones.

The prostituted made silent by torture of their minds and bodies.

The prostituted with no friends, no allies, no loving relatives and no support to express their pain to.

I hope with every ache of my heart, my blog is part of many exited women giving some words to this deadly silence.

In this blog, I try to speak to complex trauma.

I try to find a language that reaches in fragmented memory.

I try to find a language that reaches into the silence of the tortured, without it being framed by the torturer.

I try to find a language that is not afraid of deep grief – grief pull from eons of male hate and violence done to the prostituted on every continent.

And I try find a language that lays bare that trauma will always be with the prostituted when there no justice and they viewed as sub-human sexual goods.

My blog is my mission, it is more than work – it is scream, a plea, a demand that all the sex trade must be eradicated.

I am proud that I have become unstoppable – but also deeply saddened and shocked that I need to write this blog.

I do not see enough of the prostituted being allowed basic human rights  – so I must write.

I do not see the prostituted having the freedom of speech.

Instead, I see and hear the words of the prostituted being framed by sex trade profiteers as sex work, empowerment and even feminism.

Exited women have to fight all the time to being heard – as constantly the sex trade and its many allies silence and threaten our voices.

I see no access to freedom of movement for the prostituted.

Instead I see the constant movement of the prostituted into more violence, movement to disoriented the prostituted into deep silence.

I see the conditions of trafficking being made invisible by being framed as chosen sex work.

I see no right to safety for any prostitute in any country that makes the choice to normalised the sex trade.

Instead, I know that every moment, there are countless prostituted living inside mental, physical and sexual torturing.

I know every form of torture we have invented is rehearsed on the minds and bodies of the prostituted before it becomes a politic tool.

But the torturing of the prostituted is rebranded as adult entertainment, as porn, as kinky sex, or as boys being boys – and so it cannot be a human rights issue.

So, I see and know I must keep writing, for I live in a world that claim the prostituted are not human, just fuckable goods.


Can You Not See

This blog is a warning that is too often ignored.

Prostitution is pass over for more do-able causes.

Too often the myths of the sex trade lobby are made gospel, and the a deadening silence surrounds exited women.

I have enough, your ignorance is drowning out hope, killing my warrior spirit.

I will keep on keeping on – how can I stop when my prostituted Sisters are living in hell as you pass them by.

When will you see this is an international crisis, it is a endless genocide as vulnerable females replace destroyed prostituted women and girls?

When will you see the deaths, the rapes, the torturing and the mental destruction of the prostituted with a clear eye?

When will you stop framing as chosen work, but as slavery and entrapment?

And when will you stop making the prostituted sub-human, and get empathy with compassion for their suffering?

We are dying, and you are making statistics and writing books to keep us at a safe distant.

Why should exited women make nice, as you so clearly see our lives as research or a way to further your career – not seeing our souls or desire to matter.

I have writing and speaking for a decade, and too much of energy is used up repeating myself coz our lives still are made not to count.

I am proud to an Abolitionist, proud of my family roots in fighting for civil and human rights – but it is like being Sisyphus.

Ted It is the silence of so-called allies that hurts and makes my work so hard.

Too many liberal feminists justify the sex trade, finding multiple excuses for their men to consume the prostituted.

Too many anti-trafficking groups finds why to ignore adult prostitution framing it as chosen work, and separating out “real” trafficking and child sexual exploitation from that “good” prostitution.

Too many radical feminists say the prostituted are betrayer for “allowing” male violence, or not being gold- plated lesbians.

With friends like this, it is surprising most exited women don’t kill themselves.

We deal with that, we smile, we negotiate, we try to teach – we perform the good exited woman with a pain and grief following us.

All the time, exited women who speak truth to power are attacked with a vengeance by the sex trade lobby.

This lobby is the voices of sex trade profiteers and punters.

It is often spoken through the media, through academia, though all forms of cultural speech – the reality is the language of the sex trade lobby is the background noise all exited women are drowning in.

The worst aspect of this hate-speech of the sex trade lobby is how they use that most exited women live with complex trauma to their advantage.

This is shown in how it is common for them to demands facts of how many punters raped us, where we were raped, what age we were, and why if was so terrible we never reported any of our rapes.

All this is said with the full knowledge that exited women could have fragmented memory – or have been so often it all merges into one.

The sex trade lobby uses our trauma to claim exited women have no handle on knowing the reality of prostitution.

Added to this cruel statement, is always that only the prostituted who are currently in the sex trade should be listen to.

It is made invisible that these voices can easier be manipulated to speak the words of sex trade profiteers and punters.

It is made invisible that the prostituted can be punished for not speaking the words of those who are oppressing them.

There is no such thing as free speech for the prostituted.

I am angry at how hard this work is.