Invisible

I am hurting, hurting coz disbelief and or belief in only the stereotypes of what it is to be prostituted, is constantly making the prostituted or exited invisible.

The image of what is and what is not a prostitute discounts the majority of us.

It is an image divided between sex slaves and women who need money so offer out sex. There is no middle ground, no complicated drives into the sex trade, and no listening to the exited.

It is an useful silencing tool, for it feeds into our trauma and fragmented memory.

Sadly, these myths are often held by people who we love, hold in respect or want long- term relationship with.

Often being disbelieved come from a place of love, or desire to help.

But, there is no listening, just speaking around, through and over.

Even if an exited woman appeared to be heard, there is no real listening, just wanting for the gap to say how and why she got it wrong.

Most of the exited fall back into silence, and learning to keep their heads down, in order to keep friendship or family relationships.

I have few words about this, and may write more later.

 

Advertisements

How Do You Think It Feels.

This post is dedicated to all survivors of the sex trade who lost for words when saying their truths.

 

To be an exited prostituted woman is live in fog of memory.

Trauma steals our memories, steals our emotions, steal our ways to speak our experiences.

Some part of brains are destroyed by the constant male violence, by the endless lack of real hope.

There is a hole in our minds that cannot be filled.

Ask us – How did it feel to be prostituted – and words cannot express our grief, pain or despair.

Too often all that left to say is the abstract, the general, or just old theories.

Words cannot hold what it is to prostituted – maybe it comes out in expression arts, maybe through our nightmares, maybe it plant itself far back in our subconscious.

I just know the linear, logical conscious mind spills out words that feel inadequate and leaves me empty.

The language of the conscious mind leaves wondering if I will ever make it to being fully human – or did the sex trade destroys that for me and my exited family.

For, the truth is we have lived through the unspeakable – we have known Hell, and words can never express that reality.

But, it is my mission to try to fit words to that reality – to try and communicate in simple language how surreal and life-draining it is to be prostituted.

The most important thing is draws all language from ideas of sex or sexuality, and speak to the language of human rights, power imbalance and torture.

We must avoid the language of work – speak to slavery, speak to trafficking, speak sexual expliotation

Therefore all the words of sex work or workers is lies and propagana – and is slowly destroying the prostitution by encouraging punters and sex trade profiteers to be unseen and blameless.

My route to understanding what it was to be prostituted was through the words of humans rights, the words of indigenous peoples, the words of classic horror, the words of poetry, the words of shell-shocked soldiers, the words of those who survived concentration camps, the words of the tortured, and the words of silence of lost hope.

All these words frame my way into my Hell, but still I am lost for adequate words.

To be raped by so many punters that they lose faces, lose the how there was tearing at my mind and body – where are the words that fit that.

To know such constant raping, that the body refuses to compute pain or terror, and sends signals that it is of no importance – where are the words for that.

To be tortured in the mind, tortured in every cell of the body – tortured by sleep deprivation, tortured by punters killing you and bringing back to life, tortured by threats and lies, tortured by any means that porn has invented – where are the words for that.

That is the surface of prostitution – that is the day in, night out reality of prostitution, which is happening to millions of the prostituted as you read this.

Our silence is not complicence or sign that it did not not matter.

Our silence is a trauma so deep that animal screams would be inadequate to say our truths.

All that I say is our pain, our grief and our Hells are so embedded in us that we seeks words but find only each word appears a drop of water in our ocean of trauma.

Prostitution is, was and always has been torture, dehumanising and a form of slavery.

Prostitution is never liberating, never empowering and never a route to feminism.

Prostitution is the oldest opppression, the oldest violation of basic human rights.

We must find a language that fits that.

 

If it Quacks like a Duck

There are so many ways to pretend that prostitution is not prostitution.

In this post, I will focus on how child sexual exploitation is disconnected from prostitution, even when often they are clearly one and the same.

If a girl is being paid for by punters, if there is hundreds of these punters – that is both sexual exploitation and prostitution.

If groups of men are grooming those girls to be sex objects for profits – that is both sexual exploitation and prostitution.

These are the norms of CSE, but for some reason is cut away from the world of the sex trade.

In reality, it is internal trafficking to all forms of prostitution and other routes into the sex trade.

But, when these exploited girls are embedded into the sex trade, they become invisible and unimportant.

They are labelled as having chosen their lifestyle, being a happy hooker.

Once, a girl is trapped inside the sex trade, she loses her right to be a victim, her right to be a to a child.

To be made a prostitute, is to have no connections back to having basic human rights.

An exploited girl can be pitied – a prostituted girl is constantly up for it.

An exploited girl who is a prostitute must never be heard, seen or made fully human – in case, seeing her means we may say all prostitution is exploitative.

So, now we see CSE as on-off tragedies – whether in Telford, Rochdale, Newcastle or Oxford – but refuse to joined the dots.

We refuse to see that most adults prostituted girls started as exploited girls.

We refuse to connect that money is the roots of most CSE.

Instead, we see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil as our girls are raped, murdered and tortured.

No More

I have campaigning for real justice and dignity for the prostituted for so long, and every time small progress is made, I see how trapped the prostituted are.

There is a long road to true justice for the prostituted, I have enough of the few crumbs we are meant to be grateful for.

I fight for the Nordic Approach to cover every country in the world.

But that is brilliant start, but nowhere near the end to gain true justice and dignity for all the prostituted.

It is vital that we criminalise all men who choose to buy other humans for their sexual greed.

That is a good start, but we need to dig deeper into showing who these are punters.

We need more than a standard fine for punters.

We need to fine on a scale of their income, such as 10% of their wages or benefits.

We need to have serious jail sentences for sadist punters and punters who consume the prostituted on a regular basis.

We need stop shaming the prostituted, and place all the blame and stigma onto the punters.

It is vital to criminalise all those who profiteer from all forms of prostitution.

But again, we must do more.

We must accept that there is little or no difference between profiteering from trafficking or so-called freely chosen prostitution.

We must see that all forms of prostitution, whether indoors or street-based, is structured on profiteering on rape, torture and disregard of the welfare of the prostituted.

That is there no safe variety of prostitution.

And, if we get the Nordic Approach, it must be with holistic and long-term approaches to how the prostituted can exit.

If we are to offer long-term therapy or counselling, it must be designed to be specialist to understand the trauma of surviving prostitution.

We must give the exited routes back to employment or education, routes to a safe place to live.

We may need to build ways for prostituted women to get their children back.

All that is vital and life-affirming.

It not good enough to just be an internet warrior who types how great the Nordic Approach is.

The prostituted are inside a genocide, so hiding beside a computer, and saying how sad that is is never enough.

I stopped writing, coz despair was in my heart.

Do more please.

 

 

 

Not the Same

In this post I will speak to Margaret Baldwin’s wonderful essay in “Not for Sale: Feminists Resisting Prostitution and Pornography”, which is “Strategies of Connection: Postitution and Feminist Politics.”

I will go through it thoroughly for to me it give hope and a route to revolution.

INTRODUCTION

”Feminist activists confront profound challenges in crafting strategies against prostitution, and for prostituted women. Those challenges require putting into action the greatest and more demanding strengths of feminism: forging connections among women, confronting the political meaning of our silences, and refusing to abandon any woman by the side of the road. a feminist political approach to prostitution must begin from these strengths, and be tested against the standards set by them…. This paper attempts some modest answers to these large question.”

I use this blog and my talks to confront feminists with their isolating of the prostituted, their abandonment of the women who know male violence from the insides of their guts.

I am a feminist, but a despairing feminists as daily I know my feminists Sisters are othering my prostituted Sisters.

ON CONNECTION

”In feminism, we are committed to promoting solidarity among all women. We do this based on the belief that our experiences as women are linked, and our destinies shared…. The history of women’s oppression is likewise a tale of fine distinctions made among us: who deserved it, who asked for it, and so on. The history of feminism is, in turn, the history of our resistance to those distinctions.”

Here we see the beginning of the Othering of the prostituted.

”… That men hurt, despise, and exploit women and girls in and by prostitution should be enough reason for solidarity with survivors. My question, though, is whether more is demanded of us in forging a connection between prostitution and other sexual abuse – and between prostitutes and other women – beyond an initial understanding that prostitution is abusive, too.”

This is my springboard to revolution, that there multiple differences between prostitution and other forms of male violence against women.

We must know the differences to destroy prostitution as an institution, and not to abandon the prostituted class.

”This is no to suggest that all women are the same, or experience the same kind of victimisation as women. Certainty, not all women are prostituted, and that is a good thing. Not all women, that is, turn tricks for money, five times a day, thirty-five times a week, with two thousand men a year, while suffering at least the usual incidence of incest, rapes, beatings, and sexual harassment that other women do. The prostitution is on top of that. Many women have to endure only pieces of prostitution. Many women are subjected to unwanted sex from men who objectify us, but not typically from two thousand men a year. Many women suffer serial battery from husbands or lovers, but not typically also at the hands of hundreds of relative strangers. Many women receive money from aharassing boss in the form of a pay check, but not typically in a context where harassment is the the job. Each of these transactions shares something in common with prostitution, but none of them is prostitution. We might observe, too, that none of these transactions is exactly like the others, too. Rape is one thing, domestic battery another thing, sexual harassment another, prostitution another. All of them, nevertheless, involve some expression or manifestation of sexual ownership. Each of these practices, understood this way, is like a particular tactical weapon in the arsenal of male dominance – each can be deadly, even if differently deplored.”

This a stark reminder that we must stop saying that prostitution is just too many rapes, just the same as domestic violence, is just sexual harassment at work.

It is more, on the scale of genocide, and like all genocides it done to those who considered to non-humans, so our pain, grief and fight for just justice is discounted.

”… For underlying each of our principal strategies in rape law reform, in domestic battery and self-defence work, and in sexual harassment resistance, is an assertion crying out to be believed – we are not prostitutes. Our rape shield rules are crafted to distinguish in a juror’s mind between the woman testifying that a man raped her, and the prostitute who presumably has sex with anyone, consensually…. “

All violence to the prostituted is nothing happening to nothing.

Our pain is blow into the wind, our humiliation is crashed into dust, our right to grieve our loss of humanity is laughed at.

We cannot be raped, we cannot be battered, we do know torture and our murders are not even recorded.

Nothing is happening here.

”… Like women in prostitution, feminism has been channelled, deprived, punished, and cajoled to maintain certain limits, to please in certain ways – conditions which may have come to seem normal for us, and which some of us will at times enthusiastically say we chose.”

ON SILENCES

”The biggest silence maintained by the anti- prostitute design of our sexual violence work is silence about johns. In reality, they are mostly white, married men with at least a little disposable income – real people, that is. Emperical research on johns is almost non-existent. Since johns are rarely arrested, their identities remain shielded from public disclosure, as well as from criminal sanctions. Even johns try to avoid the label. In prostitution transactions, johns frequently adopt a variety of sexual roles – as boyfriend, as lover, as father, sometimes as punitive avenger of the public good. By insisting on these roles, a john aviods seeing himself as just a trick. On all of these fronts – academic, legal, and personal –  who johns are, why they buy women, and their culpability for doing so, are evaded questions”

This lack of centring in on punters is the biggest betrayal to the prostituted class.

Punters are your brothers, your work colleagues, our radical allies, your teachers, yours pastors or priests – heck punters are everywhere and nowhere.

But punters are allowed to not exist as criminals, or to be seen to do actual violence.

Their rapes, their torturing and their murders are purposely made invisible in order to make that nothing is happening to nothing.

”Prostituted women and girls themselves, who have the most insight and information on johns, have also been silenced. The prostitution itself takes its toll in despair, depression, denial, drug abuse, isolation, torture, and murder. Many women do not survive. Women who do survive prostitution usually find recalling and retelling their experiences enormously painful and disturbing. The law, too, plays a role in silencing survivors. Criminal records, mental health treatment histories, and substance abuse issues compromise a prostituted woman’s credibility, assuming she ever gets to talk at all about the men who buy her…. The obvious beneficiaries of the suppression of prostituted women’s voices, again, are the johns who use them.”

The grim reality of being an exited woman is our knowledge it was a toss of a coin that we survived.

We live alongside the ghosts of the majority of the prostituted who were thrown away, did not have the ability to stay sane or alive, who were made to disappear.

We live with the ghosts of the prostituted whose murders were unreported, who were tortured into losing hope, the ones who committed suicide.

To be exited is luck, our inner strength and warrior spirit is as strong as the millions of the prostituted who are lost to us.

”… Perhaps non-prostitutes,  especially white, middle-class, married women, have some stake in this separation, too. It is uncomfortable to think of your nice husband or retired dad as a guy who buys women and girls for sex. Maybe this is a reason, however unconscious, for non-prostituted women, especially white, middle-class, married women, to keep separating themselves from prostitutes and their own abuse from prostitution.”

”Moreover, we know that some of the realities of prostitution are not confined to prostitution itself.”

”… One man is not the same as two thousand.”

This is my revolution, that the scale of the prostituted bodies is carrying the thousands of nameless and faceless punters pouring rape, tortures and deaths into them as their norm.

This is not normal for the non-prostituted, even though rape, battery and harassment in almost every women’s lives.

What hurts our experiences are dismiss and silenced.

One or three rapes garnered sympathy from feminists, but to be raped to when you lose counts or that you have a skin is too be ignored.

To be battered by a man who is known is a crime and access if lucky to shelter – but to battered by endless punters is just part of the job, or reframed as S/M sex.

We are being sold down the river.

 

Sitting Still

Oh well, sitting here listening to Otis sitting at the dock of the bay – trying to frame my mind round postmodernism and free speech.

In other words, trying to understand how and why modern feminism and students cannot see that the prostituted class deserve human rights, and that in the sex trade there is no such thing as free choice for the prostituted.

I have always I was a leftist and a feminist – but the more I become an Abolitionist and exited woman, the more distance I feel.

I feel betrayed by modern feminism and left-wing views – in the name of individualism and free choice, the  prostituted are abandoned to male violence.

This is a tragedy, for it is a genocide in plain view.

It appears all the rules of the left and feminism are shattered when it comes to the prostituted.

Let me speak to a few givens that are abandoned when it comes to the prostituted.

Firstly, I thought that to be on the left we can see we are more than just individual who can make free choices without outside interference.

That is never true.

All choice is affected by society, upbringing, position in class, ethnicity, education and endless factors that comes from outside the individual.

More important, an individual has little or no power to controlling whether others abuse them or not, whether they get caught in a man-made or natural disaster, or whether they are viewed as sub-human or not.

The prostituted as a class are made up of mostly females who have all access to free choice eroded from them.

This erosion is through being non-white, through childhood abuse, through poverty, through living in a war or disaster zone, through access to the porn culture, through peer pressure, through vulnerabilities that are a magnet to the sex trade profiteers.

This is the environment in which the prostituted are given access to “free choice”.

It is a like a a bird in a cage thinking it is free, for it can know no other world.

I have learnt the hard way to not rely on the left or modern feminism.

As the prostituted are being tortured, raped and murdered, the left and modern feminists discuss how to speak to prostitution without offending anyone or speaking to the conditions the prostituted are in.

To never speak the conditions, is to do the work of the sex trade and its supporters.

If we never speak to those hells, how an we ever truly understand what it is to be prostituted.

Free speech has become a silencing weapon.

By framing free speech as a place where no-one is allowed to be upset, where all language must framed in sex work jargon – that is tool to silence Abolitionists and exited women.

Often this is framed as a debate.

That is debate between a multi-billions institution against Abolitionists and exited women.

I cannot “debate” whilst millions of the prostituted are living in a genocide.

The Left have abandoned the prostituted, ignoring their oppression, and deciding against logic the prostituted are liberated and may even be privileged.

Modern feminists have abandoned the prostituted by saying it is individual free choice and empowering for women.

It has become the way to get females out of poverty.

It is has become the way to all disabled men access to paid sex.

It is spoken as the way to get over student debt.

Hell, in this postmodern utopia – to be prostituted has become the only way women and girls can be liberated.

I have no place in that world.

 

 

 

Are We Allowed to be Human

This is written as workers and volunteers for human rights groups are being accused of consuming the prostituted.

This has deeply triggered me, but also what stuns me is the shock that there is.

These men who make the choice to consume the prostituted are all the same, whether they claimed to care about human rights.

To be a punter is to decide the prostituted are not human enough to deserved rights.

This is hate – there should no place for any punter in any charity or human rights group.

There is nothing new about punters hiding in charities and human groups.

I was consumed by men who were in human rights groups, in campaigning groups for liberation, and men who said they hated torture and abuse of females.

These men preach ways to end torture as they torture my mind and body into hell.

These men call an end to rape in war zones, an end to rape as torture  as they carelessly raped me into forgetting I had a body.

Their wordsof freedom, of rebellion, of resisting were dust struck in my throat as they deep-throated me.

They spoke to me of resisting torture of political prisoners as they shown porn that rehearsed all forms of torture before they pour it into the  bodies of the prostituted.

The screams of the prostituted were nothing.

The inner and outer injuries of the prostituted were made invisible.

The deaths of the prostituted were made unimportant.

These are listed on human rights records, these are rarely reported by the liberal media, these are made nothing happening to nobody.

Instead, too many human rights groups and members hold up being prostituted as free choice and a good way out of poverty and oppression.

The poisonous language of sex work dominates all discussions round prostitution and human rights.

Look, at the liberal reaction to Oxfam workers consuming the prostituted in Haiti.

Too often it is said without logic or compassion, that being paid for sex in a disaster zone is excellent way out of poverty.

So, with that logic, all women and girls who are poor or desperate, should sell their bodies and minds for men’s sexual greed.

Or does that only apply to women and girls who we can Other – such poor black females, females from care, females who appears to have mental health issues, females who are indigenous etc.

In fact, punters and sex trade profiteers find ways to make all types of females into the Other and into the prostituted.

But still the liberal media and its supporters find ways to justify their men consuming the prostituted – ways of avoiding of connecting this with human rights.

I see hate-speech.

I could cry, but who cares about the tears of the prostituted.