Stax, Motown and Blues Save Me

I am alive because of American music.

I am dressed in Stax Records, Chicago Blues, Cajun bands, jazz from New Orleans trad to be-bop, Motown classics, Phil Spector Wall of Sound, New York punk, surf sound, Bluegrass, raw country and music from every State from 1880’s to recent times.

American music save me from the reality of my past, give me some hope and peace in times of extreme trauma.

American is my healer, my party mate, my space to know grief, my mother and sister.

I can scream into Blondie and the Ramones.

I will cry to Aretha, Stevie Wonder and Otis Redding.

I allow joy in with Chuck Berry, the Beach Boys and Cole Porter.

I allow the blues guitar solos to stop me thinking and reach a place where logic is unimportant.

I dance to Chic, Little Richards and the Ronettes.

I listen to the protest songs of Stax and Atlantic Soul, and know the hard route to justice.

I map my survival and sanity out through listening to American music.

I am in the Blues, in those jazz dives, in the sweaty punk venues, in Memphis, in Americana.

To survive the hell that is prostitution, there must be some private passion, American music was mine.

To know me, is to to see that.


Hurt and Hurting

The harms of prostitution do not just fade away with time.

They do ease, they do calm down.

But with no real justice or expert therapy, the harms of prostitution are hidden in the  bodies and minds of those of us who have exited.

We paint on a survivor face, but our endless striving to find ease and peace is driving us forward.

Our trauma is over 3000 years old.

Our trauma knows every form of torture man can imagine.

Our trauma knows who and what it is to made a porn-doll.

Our trauma covers every country, all cultures and all times of history.

Our trauma is not an individual scream, but an ancient collective yell for justice, acknowledgement and desire to be considered fully human.

The further I get from my experiences in indoors prostitution, the clearer I see and feel this journey of trauma.

I speak of justice as a major factor of this struggle.

I believe that with no justice, there can no end to our extreme and deep-seated trauma.

Let me explain how justice may be for the prostituted class – this will my personal view, and may seen as the beginning not an ending.

Justice for the prostituted for the prostituted begins by know this is not a labour issue, but an extreme human rights crisis.

It not seen as a crisis, for it has been on-going for the vast majority of human history.

It has become so common, that it has become invisible.

In modern history, this invisibility is help by re-branding prostitution as sex work, and therefore it is chosen.

This is helped by saying so-called chosen prostituion is separate from the nasty forced prostitution or under-aged prostitution.

We, the exited, know this is a vicious lie.

We know less than 2% of the prostituted are in a a position of privilege where all their chooses are free.

I know of no exited woman who know of any prostitute who has that privilege.

The Happy Hooker and Entitled Escort is a dangerous myth, which every day is placing the prostituted in situation of torture or being murdered.

Justice would rid the world of the language of sex work.

To get the start tobuilding some route to justice for the prostituted, we must see what  punters are doing, and fully know who the punters are and have always been.

To see punters with a clear eye, is the only way to know why this is a human rights crisis.

Punters can be any man – from any class, from all types of human beliefs systems, from all countries.

Punters are everywhere – whilst being nowhere.

Punters are married, in good relationships, single.

Punters are students, professional men, unemployed, and in every job in every place.

Punters are of every generation, every culture, every educational level.

I could go on forever – for punters are just every man.

What shocks those of us who have exited prostitution – is how every society or culture makes the choice to paint punters as the Other and make them invisible.

Whenever we try to speak to the ordinary violence and hate from the punters – the conversation or debate is turned around to why and how the prostituted must to blame or choose the harms done to them.

Punters seemed to be just in the room or the street, when these harms are done to the prostituted – they are blameless or at worse having a brief mental breakdown.

Punters are viewed as victims not criminals.

It is a view that man are entitled to sex at any time and in any place – so must placed with a class of mainly women and girls to service their sexual greed however violent or full of hate.

That is the purpose of the prostituted class – that is why is vital that the prostituted are voiceless, are made sub-human and have no access to basic human rights.

Only then, can we make punters acceptable – and refuse to see that they are serial rapists, torturers and murderers.

I am great pain at the moment, so I will end here.

Please read and say your thoughts.

Sad Sad Sad

Yesterday, my brother-in-law committed suicide.

He had lived with mental health issues all his life.

I am very sad, coz he was a lovely man.

Excuses, Excuses

In this post, I will try and see punters with a clear eye.

I will use their constant whining and justifying to see who and what they are.

Most punters imagine they are sex gods.

Many imagine they are kind to the prostituted.

All know that, in reality, they view all the prostituted as sub-human sexual goods.

All know that owned the prostituted, and that in that ownership all the prostituted lose access to basic human rights.

Therefore there is no such person as a good or decent punter – all are paying to create sexual slavery.

But most punters find excuses for this behaviour, excuses that normalise their violence and hate.

A common excuse is that men cannot survive without unlimited access to sex.

It is as if his penis would go green and drop off, if he cannot get unlimited and easy access to the prostituted.

This myth is emboldened by the false reasoning that if punters are excluded from consuming the prostituted – then he will have to rape or sexually torture “real women”.

Remember that the prostituted are stripped of their humanity – so in the minds of punters, they are impossible to rape.

Money is consent to all punters – but more horrific, money is a shield to torture, to mental abuse, to murder and to creating a genocide of the prostituted.

Punters know they can do any form of mental/physical/sexual on the prostituted, and it will be made invisible.

The motto for punters is Nothing is Happening to Nothing.

Many punters will speak with anger and horror when “real women” are raped – as their pour porn-fuelled violence into the minds and bodies of the prostituted.

I have been with punters condemning child rape, as they are happy to torture sexually an underaged prostitute.

I know punters will gang-raped the prostituted as common practice, but curse gang-rapes when it not inside the sex trade.

Punters ease themselves with these contradictions, buoyed by the sex trade and its allies.

Many punters imagined that their sexual prowess is god-like, that all the prostituted are gagging for his visit.

These punters are often extremely violent, often want sexual acts that cause pain or ignore the prostitute as a full human.

These punters want to conquer, owned and often destroy the prostituted.

He becomes a Man by eliminating the prostitute as a human.

These punters enjoy the terror, the pain and the lack of hope that they place into the prostituted.

Many punters want to think they are the good guys, that they respect the prostituted.

This is bullshit.

No-one who buy another human for his sexual wants is a good man, or know what respect is.

To be a good man would start with never consuming any part of the sex trade, including porn, strip clubs, phone sex and especially all forms of prostitution.

To have respect for the prostituted could start with campaigning for abolition of the sex trade.

Respect is given by demanding full human rights for all the prostituted – that is the right to safety, the right to exit, the right to full humanity.

Respect is given by knowing the prostituted are highly unlikely to freedom to choose.

The prostituted cannot choose whether they will be raped, sexually tortured or murdered – that choice is always controlled by the conscious decision of the punter to be violent or not.

The prostituted does not choose the constant erosion of her humanity by the flow of punters stealing her right to safety and life.

I do not care if an individual punter justify his actions by imaging he must be decent and a gentleman.

Every punter is at any time capable of rape, torture and being a murderer.

Each punter is part of the slow gang-raping of the prostituted that erodes her soul and desire for hope.

I shall end by stating that all punters are the root of all the hate and violence that is the norm for the prostituted.

We must keep our focus on these men, for their demand and sexual greed is the reason the prostituted are scared to even imagined hope or freedom.





Tired of Being Tired

In this post, I wish to explain my blockage to writing.

I have put on rock and roll music, coz my mood needs bucking up. I feel sickened at my lack of campaigning, lack of writing and dead soul.

Recently, I have been disabled from Facebook, which has made disconnected from the joys of the net – that my hobbies of anything to do with 1870’s to 1940’s, plus my obsession with American music.

Also, Facebook give me a deep connection to some of my supporters and fellow Abolitionists.

I would love to get back onto Facebook, so if anyone knows how – it will not accept my email or phone number, and I want to keep them.

Well, bum poo piss to that – I must write to why I am finding campaigning and writing so damned difficult.

For a week now, I have getting rid of all pro-sex work lobby from my Twitter account.

Their lack of logic, their hate-speech, their attacks on exited folks and their personal attacks have made so tired.

I know that the sex work lobby will keep on attacking and spreading propaganda, but I choose to ignore their white noise.

I will try to get back on my campaigning bike, and the only good I see in the sex trade lobby, is that their nonsense makes me want to fight harder.

I am tired of their propaganda, I am tired of their blatant lies, I am tired of their attacking exited folks, I am tired of their worshipping of punters.

Christ, I am tired of their shite.

The sex trade lobby has its voice in all media, in most institutions with power – but it plays the victim.

What really maddened me and many other exited folks, is their claim to the voice of the prostituted – when they speak the language of sex trade profiteers, speak in the interests of punters, have no interest in sexual/physical/mental welfare of the prostituted, and give no routes to exiting.

The sex trade lobby spends the majority of its time and energy not in campaigning for the prostituted – but in attacking all who may be Abolitionists, attacking survivors of the sex trade who dare speak to the conditions of prostitution.

This is not for the prostituted – this is the language of making the prostituted into sub-human sexual goods to make profits. This is the language that justify punters destroying any human rights that the prostituted may have.

I am tired that their shite is believed.

So many who are claiming to be feminists, so many Leftists, so many who fight for human rights believe the propaganda of the sex trade lobby.

It becomes a Alice Through the Looking-Glass scenario – white is back, right is wrong and lies becomes the only truth.

Often those who believe in the nonsense that the sex work lobby spread, will be strong supporters anti-rape and anti-domestic violence, but then separate prostitution from all other forms of male violence to females.

Think on this carefully.

Do you think most battered women can be brainwashed to thinking their partner will stop if they just behave carefully.

Do you considered that rape is one of the worst crimes that exists.

Do you think being rape only once can be traumatic.

Do understand that it is highly common that battered find it almost impossible to leave.

Think – would you say similar for the prostituted women, or would makes different rules for them.

Would you say prostitution is freely chosen.

Would you say rape is impossible if money/goods is exchanged.

That it is not believable anyone be raped by thousands of punters and survived – so survivors of prostitution must be lying.

Would you say it is easy to leave prostitution.

Think and say any of that and you are making the prostituted not fully human.

This is sickening.

No wonder I am so exhausted.





I am hurting, hurting coz disbelief and or belief in only the stereotypes of what it is to be prostituted, is constantly making the prostituted or exited invisible.

The image of what is and what is not a prostitute discounts the majority of us.

It is an image divided between sex slaves and women who need money so offer out sex. There is no middle ground, no complicated drives into the sex trade, and no listening to the exited.

It is an useful silencing tool, for it feeds into our trauma and fragmented memory.

Sadly, these myths are often held by people who we love, hold in respect or want long- term relationship with.

Often being disbelieved come from a place of love, or desire to help.

But, there is no listening, just speaking around, through and over.

Even if an exited woman appeared to be heard, there is no real listening, just wanting for the gap to say how and why she got it wrong.

Most of the exited fall back into silence, and learning to keep their heads down, in order to keep friendship or family relationships.

I have few words about this, and may write more later.


How Do You Think It Feels.

This post is dedicated to all survivors of the sex trade who lost for words when saying their truths.


To be an exited prostituted woman is live in fog of memory.

Trauma steals our memories, steals our emotions, steal our ways to speak our experiences.

Some part of brains are destroyed by the constant male violence, by the endless lack of real hope.

There is a hole in our minds that cannot be filled.

Ask us – How did it feel to be prostituted – and words cannot express our grief, pain or despair.

Too often all that left to say is the abstract, the general, or just old theories.

Words cannot hold what it is to prostituted – maybe it comes out in expression arts, maybe through our nightmares, maybe it plant itself far back in our subconscious.

I just know the linear, logical conscious mind spills out words that feel inadequate and leaves me empty.

The language of the conscious mind leaves wondering if I will ever make it to being fully human – or did the sex trade destroys that for me and my exited family.

For, the truth is we have lived through the unspeakable – we have known Hell, and words can never express that reality.

But, it is my mission to try to fit words to that reality – to try and communicate in simple language how surreal and life-draining it is to be prostituted.

The most important thing is draws all language from ideas of sex or sexuality, and speak to the language of human rights, power imbalance and torture.

We must avoid the language of work – speak to slavery, speak to trafficking, speak sexual expliotation

Therefore all the words of sex work or workers is lies and propagana – and is slowly destroying the prostitution by encouraging punters and sex trade profiteers to be unseen and blameless.

My route to understanding what it was to be prostituted was through the words of humans rights, the words of indigenous peoples, the words of classic horror, the words of poetry, the words of shell-shocked soldiers, the words of those who survived concentration camps, the words of the tortured, and the words of silence of lost hope.

All these words frame my way into my Hell, but still I am lost for adequate words.

To be raped by so many punters that they lose faces, lose the how there was tearing at my mind and body – where are the words that fit that.

To know such constant raping, that the body refuses to compute pain or terror, and sends signals that it is of no importance – where are the words for that.

To be tortured in the mind, tortured in every cell of the body – tortured by sleep deprivation, tortured by punters killing you and bringing back to life, tortured by threats and lies, tortured by any means that porn has invented – where are the words for that.

That is the surface of prostitution – that is the day in, night out reality of prostitution, which is happening to millions of the prostituted as you read this.

Our silence is not complicence or sign that it did not not matter.

Our silence is a trauma so deep that animal screams would be inadequate to say our truths.

All that I say is our pain, our grief and our Hells are so embedded in us that we seeks words but find only each word appears a drop of water in our ocean of trauma.

Prostitution is, was and always has been torture, dehumanising and a form of slavery.

Prostitution is never liberating, never empowering and never a route to feminism.

Prostitution is the oldest opppression, the oldest violation of basic human rights.

We must find a language that fits that.