To all Punters

This is an imagined statement of fury to each and every man who make the choice to  consume the trade.

Know in every cell of your mind and body – that we the prostituted hate you.

You are no saviour, no hero, no purveyor of romance, no stud.

You are a rapist, a torturer and a gaslighter.

Basicially you are a criminal, and should be beside bars.

Yes, the prostituted fake smiles, fake friendship, fake orgasms, fake not feeling pain or fear.

Yes, we listen to your boring excuses – my girlfriend/wife won’t do this, this is my first time, I not really a bad man, just here with my mates, and endless lies.

We have all your hate and anger poured into us, and then we are throw away.

Our bodies are a map of every torture, ways to rape that man can imagine.

Our minds carry your words of humiliation and hate, carry the memory of being sub-human, carry every porn-fuelled sex act.

That is our legacy.

Can you be surprised that we hate you.

But our hate is not negative, it a fire that leads to revolution and destruction of your entitlement.

Every time you torture any one of the prostituted, every time you think money equals to consent, every time you say it chosen sex work.

Every time you ask for the younger there is, every you go to your computer and expect an escort like takeaway pizza, every you like that we do speak your language as it makes more pliable.

Every time you think it ok to fuck poor girls or women abroad, every time you cruise red lights distinct, every you do a stag do by consuming the sex trade.

Each time you do any of that, the prostituted are watching you, and fuel is added to our fire.

We do judge you, we do say it morally wrong, we do want you to be punish.

But more, we know your actions are violation of human rights.

We know who you are, and that should terrify you.

Our strength is growing – we refuse to be control or owned any more.

The silent screaming of the whore becomes a yell of war with exited prostituted women.

We know you are cowards – like all torturers and bullies, your power is built on straw.

You may think you hold that power, but the prostituted see is slipping away from you.

As our words and truths are believed and spread out, you are seen as pathetic and a loser.

Of course, when bullies are cornered they used extreme violence and speak self-justifying lies – that is predictable.

The fact is porn and consumption of the prostituted is feeling cornered, so it trys to elimination the witnesses of their hate and violence.

This can literal such as murder, allowing the conditions to lead to suicide.

But mostly it the constant silencing and mental torturing of the prostituted class, until we have no language to speak our realities.

So punters, your entitlement days are numbered.

We have you in our sights.



Protest Hard

We need to keep our focus on destroying the sex trade.

This is hard, this is a long road – but if we turn away or considered other things more  important – we let punters, sex trade profiteers and their allies win.

I will focus on how those who support discrimination of the sex trade are gaining from our silence and lack of action.

I may speak to some ways that I am scared that our allies are distracted or too exhausted to be anti-sex trade.

I may look to the past into the future to say ways to bring back the fire needed to end the sex trade.

Or this may be scream into a vacuum.

In England, one of the worst sex trade supporter is a group known as English Collective of Prostitutes – or as known as English Collective of Pimps.

This as in most if not all sex workers organisations does little or nothing for the dignity, human rights or safety of the prostituted.

Instead they increase the entitlement of punters, and support the profiteering of the sex trade.

ECP use most of their energy not in the welfare of the prostituted, but in spreading the propaganda of sex work language in institutions of power.

They have MPs in their sights, they infiltered universities by bombarding students with their propaganda, they target academics, they are first to the press.

We need to be as focused, we need not to afraid to speak our truths to power.

We must speak louder and more long term to politicians, we need academics who are anti-sex trade to be braver, we need to show students we have an alternative voice, we need to shout to the press.

To go forward, the multiple of exited prostituted women must be the centre and guide to Abolitionist movement.

Our voices are too often sidelined or made into a story.

Without our voices the movement will be stagnant.

The sex trade and its allies fear the voices of the exited – they fear that they cannot control us, they fear that our truths will be heard and make real change, they fear their loss of power.

When it is heard that prostitution is torture, that paid sex is rape – that all prostitution is a destruction of basic human rights for the prostituted class – that cannot be unheard.

Our words  are an earthquake that can and will destroy the lies, greed and craving for power of the sex trade and its allies.

We are the trumpets that will bring down their walls.

To do so we need Abolitionists and their allies to stay focus.

We need to see the connections the Trans prostesters with the sex work lobby, see how often they are intertwined.

Know the sex work lobby love to see when Abolitionists and radical feminists disconnect the trans lobby from anti-sex trade.

The aim of the sex work lobby is keep prostitution disconnected from child sexual exploitation, disconnected from trafficking, disconnected from mental health issues, disconnected from incest, disconnected from racism – well so disconnected from all forms of female oppression that it just left with the Happy Hooker story.

We must constantly show these connections, and not be afraid to to speak to pain, grief and anger.

I write this coz I see the sex work lobby creeping into a position of power, and I have had enough of being polite about it.

We no longer smashed up sex shops, or try to close down sites on the net that graded the prostituted – we just let them carry on making a profit out the blood of the prostituted.

We stay relatively silent as academics paid by the sex trade spread their propaganda not just in papers, but to the media and in conferences.

We hardly ever kick up a fuss as the media in all its forms, will write “sex work” even when it is clearly a violation of human rights.

And when has there been a march which just about the abolition of the sex trade.

I am tired – but more I am furious that I have to write this post.

Prove that you are as angry as me, and do more to destroy the sex trade.

This is an emergency, only as it about 3000 years old and effects the whole planet – it has become the invisible emergency.



Soul Sister

I have in a dry place with my writing, my heart is deadened to my past and how to write.

Since I moved to Devon, and the suicide of my brother-in-law, writing words has felt inadequate.

Instead, I have run away to sports, and walking.

The World Cup is my medicine.

But, I turn on 60’s and 70’s soul music, and will try a stream of consciousness post.

I have found some kind of peace and stillness by moving to Devon.

I may be happy – whisper that, in case it hides away.

But in recovery, I have lots of physical illness especially linked to sickness.

I am changing, growing into my own skin – and it hurts and bring grief to the surface.

It not just my personal grief, in many ways my personal history is just a small part of the long sufferings of the prostituted.

I am lucky in many ways.

I am lucky that I live in a time where the multiple voices of the exited prostituted women is slowly, and with power, being listened to.

I am lucky that I completely got away from the punters that consume me.

I am lucky that I do know any sex trade profiteers who sold me any more.

I am lucky that I very few STDs.

I am lucky that the physical damage done to me was relatively superficial.

God, I am lucky I am alive, and not another statistic of a dead whore.

But, in reality, I made my own luck without help or interest in my welfare.

I will always have scars and memories from that time.

I have pains and illnesses linked to the torturing that punters felt entitled to do.

My memory is broken by the constant repetition of that torturing, and the constant lack of hope and sense of personhood.

I know I am strong, but I am also fragmented.

Please read, and write what you think.


Listening to Stax Records

I listen to Stax when things are crashing in on me. When life seems pointless, the Memphis soul reaches my heart.

I am crashing bad.

My mind, my essence and my body is in pain and is lost.

Several weeks ago, my brother-in-law committed suicide, leaving my sister and his teenaged daughters.

This is ghastly and very sad, for it was severe mental health issues that push him into suicide.

I have been triggered bad, and gone back to old habits of not taking care of myself or my home.

This weekend I cried properly for the first time, but now my grief just gets bigger and uncontrollable.

It is the triggering that scares me.

It is the exhaustion that wrecks me.

It the anger that confuses me.

It is the connection of my past to thoughts of suicide that saddened me.

I am reaching out, especially to my exited friends, for support, laughter, and love.

I am cannot fully understand trauma, but I can some brief words as a inadequate guide to how I map it.

Trauma is never simple, trauma is not short-term often it is life long.

I can only speak to trauma though my experiences and words from friends.

The important to know is that deep-seated complex trauma fragment the brain and memory.

I cannot remember decades of my life, and parts I may remember are not linear or able to placed into a solid place or time.

The brain remember enough to see and feel what is true.

Most of prostitution and child abuse is repeatative, so the brain holds enough to say this is real, this is an injustice, this should be grieved.

Think of a prisoner in a concentration camp – where every has no hope, every day death seemed inevitable, and every day is the same hellish routine.

Would your brain remember every moment, remember dates or days – or would it all mashed up into one memory with flashes of horror.

Trauma turns turns years of torture and having no hope into what seemed like a week or a day.

Linear time is destroyed.

Trauma makes sleep a mess. Sometimes not resting, sometimes oversleeping.

Sleep can be just nightmares and night terrors.

Trauma is a shadow both night and day.

Trauma is a sign of there being no justices.

Often trauma is deep inside peoples who are considered non-human.

Trauma is a race issue, trauma is carried by indigenous peoples, trauma is the legacy  of war, trauma is in the skins of all exploited by the sex trade.

To understand trauma, it is vital to listen to those that you choose to make sub-human – be that the Native American, the soldier, the battered woman, the exploited child or the whore.

Trauma grows by our silencing.

This is very brief post, more a reaching out.




Into a Void

I wish I could write to the silence and silencing of exited prostituted women, but words have little meaning for our pain and grief.

The silencing is everywhere, from all sectors of society – this silencing numbs exited women into silence.

This is not a silence of compliance – it is the stubborn silence of rebellion.

This is not the silence of the ignorance – it is the silence of knowing too much to find words.

This is is not the silence of agreement – it is the silence of buried fury at your refusal to hear.

I have been a speaker, I write thousands of words to build a route to real change – but most of the time, these these words fall into the well of silencing.

I refuse to fit the stereotype of the exited woman to be heard.

I will not stay struck in the victim role.

I do not speak a sob-story, so you can lessen our lives by placing it into an individual horror tale.

I will connect my abuse back to Roman times and forward till the dream of days where prostitution does not exist.

I will call out all forms of prostitution as torture and rape.

I do not separate out cse, trafficking, or so-called forced prostitution from “chosen” prostitution – it all the same to a punter, so what the point of pretending they are separate.

I do call out every man who make choice to be a punter as a violent criminal and woman-hater.

I will connect porn to prostitution – knowing in the sex trade, prostituted are forced into porn as cheap labour, knowing all punters are driven by porn dreams as they torture the prostituted.

I will never think there is one way to enter to the sex trade, that only certain women or girls can be prostituted. Instead, think to each and every stereotype you know that is your prostituted woman or girl – now, think the opposite, know both are true.

There is no type or one form of push that makes a prostitute – not whilst the sex trade feeds on cash, there will always a market for whatever porn demands that punters could want.

To become prostituted is easy – but to exit is almost made impossible.

These are a few reasons my voice is silenced, for it refuses to give easy answers or to remain a victim.

There are not easy answer for exited women, but that cannot be heard.

Too many Abolitionists and too many radical feminist think there can be easy answers, or a quick route out for exited women.

This is coz there a lack of listening with open minds and hearts.

Instead, exited women have our truths and lives explained to us, our words drowned out by your packaging of how prostitution should be seen.

In this package, our fury is dampened down, our grief is locked away, our many ways to connect are severed, our desire to live fully is made invisible.

We are made into performing monkies, yet again back to knowing we can never be truly human.

Please know part of our silence is a deep fury that our so-called allies cannot or will not allow us to be fully human.

You make us the Other, as the sex trade and punters did.

You do this through patronising, through only listening if it edges on voyeurism or some kind of horror story.

You do this by not paying us for our work, or using our words or work without permission or out of context.

You do this as you speak to our lives in statistics or academic/journalist works without consulting us.

You do this every you make endless stereotypical boxes of what it is to be prostituted, why some is good and some is bad ways to be prostituted.

You do this every time you separate a under-aged prostitute from an adult prostitute, every time you say forced or chosen prostitution.

You do this every time you say words to makes excuses for punters.

I could on an on and on, but fury wipes me out.

My silence is a weapon, not a message of agreement.

Stax, Motown and Blues Save Me

I am alive because of American music.

I am dressed in Stax Records, Chicago Blues, Cajun bands, jazz from New Orleans trad to be-bop, Motown classics, Phil Spector Wall of Sound, New York punk, surf sound, Bluegrass, raw country and music from every State from 1880’s to recent times.

American music save me from the reality of my past, give me some hope and peace in times of extreme trauma.

American is my healer, my party mate, my space to know grief, my mother and sister.

I can scream into Blondie and the Ramones.

I will cry to Aretha, Stevie Wonder and Otis Redding.

I allow joy in with Chuck Berry, the Beach Boys and Cole Porter.

I allow the blues guitar solos to stop me thinking and reach a place where logic is unimportant.

I dance to Chic, Little Richards and the Ronettes.

I listen to the protest songs of Stax and Atlantic Soul, and know the hard route to justice.

I map my survival and sanity out through listening to American music.

I am in the Blues, in those jazz dives, in the sweaty punk venues, in Memphis, in Americana.

To survive the hell that is prostitution, there must be some private passion, American music was mine.

To know me, is to to see that.

Hurt and Hurting

The harms of prostitution do not just fade away with time.

They do ease, they do calm down.

But with no real justice or expert therapy, the harms of prostitution are hidden in the  bodies and minds of those of us who have exited.

We paint on a survivor face, but our endless striving to find ease and peace is driving us forward.

Our trauma is over 3000 years old.

Our trauma knows every form of torture man can imagine.

Our trauma knows who and what it is to made a porn-doll.

Our trauma covers every country, all cultures and all times of history.

Our trauma is not an individual scream, but an ancient collective yell for justice, acknowledgement and desire to be considered fully human.

The further I get from my experiences in indoors prostitution, the clearer I see and feel this journey of trauma.

I speak of justice as a major factor of this struggle.

I believe that with no justice, there can no end to our extreme and deep-seated trauma.

Let me explain how justice may be for the prostituted class – this will my personal view, and may seen as the beginning not an ending.

Justice for the prostituted for the prostituted begins by know this is not a labour issue, but an extreme human rights crisis.

It not seen as a crisis, for it has been on-going for the vast majority of human history.

It has become so common, that it has become invisible.

In modern history, this invisibility is help by re-branding prostitution as sex work, and therefore it is chosen.

This is helped by saying so-called chosen prostituion is separate from the nasty forced prostitution or under-aged prostitution.

We, the exited, know this is a vicious lie.

We know less than 2% of the prostituted are in a a position of privilege where all their chooses are free.

I know of no exited woman who know of any prostitute who has that privilege.

The Happy Hooker and Entitled Escort is a dangerous myth, which every day is placing the prostituted in situation of torture or being murdered.

Justice would rid the world of the language of sex work.

To get the start tobuilding some route to justice for the prostituted, we must see what  punters are doing, and fully know who the punters are and have always been.

To see punters with a clear eye, is the only way to know why this is a human rights crisis.

Punters can be any man – from any class, from all types of human beliefs systems, from all countries.

Punters are everywhere – whilst being nowhere.

Punters are married, in good relationships, single.

Punters are students, professional men, unemployed, and in every job in every place.

Punters are of every generation, every culture, every educational level.

I could go on forever – for punters are just every man.

What shocks those of us who have exited prostitution – is how every society or culture makes the choice to paint punters as the Other and make them invisible.

Whenever we try to speak to the ordinary violence and hate from the punters – the conversation or debate is turned around to why and how the prostituted must to blame or choose the harms done to them.

Punters seemed to be just in the room or the street, when these harms are done to the prostituted – they are blameless or at worse having a brief mental breakdown.

Punters are viewed as victims not criminals.

It is a view that man are entitled to sex at any time and in any place – so must placed with a class of mainly women and girls to service their sexual greed however violent or full of hate.

That is the purpose of the prostituted class – that is why is vital that the prostituted are voiceless, are made sub-human and have no access to basic human rights.

Only then, can we make punters acceptable – and refuse to see that they are serial rapists, torturers and murderers.

I am great pain at the moment, so I will end here.

Please read and say your thoughts.