Back in the Day

Remembering prostitution is a way to know why I am an Abolitionist.

Remembering is a way to drag my warrior spirit to the surface.

But

Remembering is a to know hell.

Remembering back in the day of punters owning, controlling and making me nothing is the only way to face truth.

I remember not to heal.

I remember not to forgive.

I remember to speak truth to power.

I remember to see, feel and be clear about the conditions of prostitution and dismiss the myths.

So what are the important things and points that I remember.

I remember that all punters wanted me to be non-human.

I remember so much pain that I have closed most of it down.

I remember rooms full of sweat, semen, fear and lack of an exit.

I remember every hole in my body being conquered and penetrated.

I remember no protection, no access to safety.

I remember being filmed for amateur porn.

I remember being exchanged through word of mouth of punters who wanted a sex doll.

I remember being closed to death as punters laughed.

I remember dreaming of suicide, or being a failed suicide.

I remembering drinking and drinking and drinking.

I remembering women and girls disappearing – maybe murdered.

I remember never making it rich.

I remember in fragments, I remember too much and I remember too little.

I know what hell is.

So I remember to fight on.

 

The Killer In Me

In memory of Aileen Wournoes

 

Yesterday, one prostituted woman who killed was given a reprieve.

This is wonderful, but it does stop the everyday violence done to the prostituted worldwide.

Every moment of every day, a prostituted female is being tortured, serially raped and too often murdered, and that is non-news.

But if one prostituted female cannot bare the trauma any more and fight back, if she kills a punter or a sex trade profiteers – then there a fury to punish her for daring to protect herself.

Well, what surprises me is that the vast majority of prostituted females do not kill, do not beat up punters, do not attack sex trade profiteers.

This is truama, this engrained terror, this is lack of hope.

Inside the vast majority of prostituted women and girls, there is a killer wanting to come out.

How can it not be when living inside constant torture, erosion of Selfhood and the moment by moment threat of death?

Inside the prostituted soul is a desire for punishment, for pain to be place on all the men who make the choice to buy or sell her as sexual goods.

Everytime as punters force their porn-dreams into her, she can imagine his lifeless body and try not to smile.

Hell, how often did I fake sex noises or movements whilst dreaming of putting some of pain into the scum that was paying to rape me.

That is normal and a survival mechanism for the prostituted – but we rarely act on our murderous dreams.

We are better than the sex trade profiteers, better than the punters, and better than all those who support the sex trade.

We do not throw away the men who raped us, the men who torture us, who murdered our prostituted Sisters.

Unlike the punters who do all this violence, and throw into the trash when they are bored.

We do not make other humans into sexual goods, with no human rights, cut off from all those who could love them or give them back dignity.

That is left to the sex trade profiteers to do with few if any consequences.

We do not hide beside the language of sex work, claiming prostitution must be the answer to female poverty, saying all work is slavery so why worry, and stating it must better than being a cleaner.

No that honour goes to the sex work lobby – made up of mainly white middle-class women who have never experienced prostitution in the raw, but think they know better than exited women.

I am furious that every day in every continent the prostituted are allowed to be sunk into Hell.

When is truly reported about the everyday torturing that is what makes prostitution?

Is not being serially raped, anally abused, gang-raped, forced to be in porn, being keep on the point of death, and all others abuses punters feel entitled to do – is that not the fundamentals of torture?

Is this torturing not one of the largest human rights emergency known to all human history?

No, we choose to make this horror invisible, and by blaming the prostituted we allow    the punters and the sex trade to get away with literal murder.

We brush away all talk, all reporting and recording of the everyday murders of the prostituted females.

Every place or culture that normalises the sex trade is guilty of allowing these murders to be made unimportant.

If you are a prostituted female is is rare to live till your 27th year, for the death rates are at the least 12 to 20 times higher than females of a similar background.

That is to state that almost every country is the world has piles of murdered prostituted females that are made to disappeared.

They are unnamed, unremembered and tossed away.

But when one prostituted woman react to her living hell by killing a punter or sex trade profiteers – that is newsworthy, that is shocking and that must be punished with the full force of the law.

Is that not hypocrisy?

Mr Big Stuff

As I listen to Christmas Soul, Mr Big Stuff comes back on, and I think of my Christmases as a prostituted woman, think of the arrogance of punters buying any prostituted woman in these holidays.

Most punters who consume over the Christmas period are rich, are in family units, and want to pour violence into the prostituted.

Yes, these punters are scum, and traitors to their families.

When inside prostitution, Christmas can mean nothing – it is the main reason I have reinvented Christmas for myself and make a happy in the presence time.

In prostitution, the punter demand can grow, and often it be a throwing away of their money for access to no consequences torturing and raping.

I know these men hide their violence, thinking it is nothing of importance for it only to the prostituted, who are never seen as humans with basic rights.

In a true Christmas spirit, we must hold in our hearts what is happening to the prostituted.

See the torture reframe as consensus sex.

See the rapes made invisible by the exchange of money or goods.

See the hate that fuels each and every man who makes the choice to consume the prostituted.

See the sex industry and its minions named sex work lobby, that only speaks for more profits, punters and keeping the unsafe status quo of prostitution – having no interest in the welfare and rights of any of the prostituted.

See it in your neighbourhood, see it is a global emergency.

This Christmas imagine a worl with no prostitution.

A world with generations of men and women unable to understand why we thought buying and selling of humans for male orgasms was seen as a good idea.

A world where slowly we see all women as fully formed human, not sexual goods.

A world where porn is throw into a deep pit, as we learn how wonderful fully consensual and equal sex can be.

This Christmas, I hope more people join me in fighting for abolition, that is my wish.

 

Hiatus

I moved to Devon last October, and my work went into a hiatus. I hope that soon, post-Christmas, I will get back into work.

I needed to stop, to slow down for my mental welfare was shattered.

Being in a small town has changed me in so many positive ways, and I want my loyal followers to know some of those changes.

I am calmer, happier and finally believe that I have a real home.

Being close to my sister is wonderful, of course we have sisterly grumpy times, and need our own space – but to get back my sister is the best thing in my life.

I love being an aunt to adult nephews and nieces, it such an honour to be part of their growing into brilliant people.

I have been able to renew friendship with other relations, and find that I am a family person, just not with my mother – and that is fine.

I was getting mentally disturbed in Manchester, coz I was isolated and could switch off from prostitution issues and my grief round that.

My move to Tavistock has ease my mind to think in many different directions.

Nature, landscape and the quiet life is the norm in Tavistock.

I can see the edges of the moors from my flat, can see a woods ful of crow’s nests, see amazing sunsets.

Tavistock is very traditional, with seasonal food, a pannier market, many local shops.

It is very old-fashioned about Christmas, which makes so happy.

The lights are simple and elegant, there is a Dickens night, and lots of community plays.

I have learn to go walking, especially canal and river walks. I go into town to relax every day, maybe not Saturdays and Sundays.

I am becoming a country type, a Devonian – there are loads of eccentric folks here.

Finally, in Tavistock they are able to offer help long-term round mental health, I have a befriender who is non-judgemental and I really like.

I hope to get to be back campaigning soon, I am getting there.

Never Be Safe Enough

I thought I would write about how prostitution can never be made safe or even safe enough to be framed as a job. Instead the conditions of prostitution is the definition of slavery or trafficking.

The sex work lobby will endlessly claimed that only some tinkering will transform the sex trade into a caring employer- who will have deep concern for the physical, sexual and mental welfare of all the prostituted.

This is a horrific lie, which is recruite and brainwash the vulnerable into the sex trade.

It is a lie for the purpose of prostitution is turn the vulnerable, mainly females, into subhuman sexual goods.

That is to break down the woman physically, mentally and sexually by violence, by hate and by degradation.

In that environment there can never be a safe form of prostitution, or a safe place to be prostituted.

See what prostitution is. See it through the eyes of punters. See what is demanded from those punters.

Punters are not demanding sex – they are demanding the right to fully control and dominate the prostituted.

In their porn-fuelled minds, it become their right to rape, torture or kill the prostituted- for it not a human that is harmed, just goods that he is consuming.

How in that environment can prostitution ever be made safe.

It is not laws that makes prostitution unsafe. It is the mythical stigma that makes the prostituted unsafe – it is the entitlement of the punters that are danger.

There is nothing abstract about the violence and hate that these punters do – see that pain, terror and cutting away of humanity in every prostituted woman that has been invaded by their poison.

The serial rapes of the prostituted is real.

We know rape is horrific, may be worse than murder, for death could be a release.

We comfort or fight for justice when a woman is raped once – but when a prostituted woman is raped beyond remembrance that she can remain human. Raped by punters in the thousands, raped till she all as one face – raped till she loses connection to her own body.

The prostituted woman is raped so many times and with such sickening violence, that it is made to unspeakable – being unspoken it is unrecorded and unreported, making punter violence invisible.

It is normal for the prostituted to be used to living with torture.

Usually this torture is extreme, everything from gang raping to waterboarding. Every form of torture is placed into the minds and bodies of the prostituted.

The prostituted have all form of torturing rehearsed into their bodies, we have known all evils that porn said can be done to women – it is embedded in every cell of the prostituted.

Lastly, the violence ends with high levels of deaths of the prostituted. These are deaths through suicide, through ill health or through being murdered by punters.

The murders are made nothing, as they are rarely recorded or reported.

The prostituted are made to disappear with no written evidence that they ever existed.

Our deaths have importance – just trash to be tossed away.

So how can prostitution ever be safe.

Wake up, and stop this violence and hate.

The Money is Not Consent

This post is made to confront the lie that the prostituted can give full consent.

Most if not all punters do not care if the prostitute can consent or not, his view is he buying sexual goods, so that object cannot consent just serve his desires.

This is the conditions of slavery, at the best it a terrible power dynamics, at the worst the prostituted become disposable.

The laying down of money or exchange of goods does not equals consent, but ownership and the closing down of all human rights for the prostituted.

This is rape, this is torture – and this is just fantasy made real.

This a very short post, but there many more lies and propaganda of the sex work lobby that I will confront.

Cannot Unhear

I have spoken out against mainly indoors prostitution and the impact of trauma on Exited women for many years.

I have found once someone hears in fullness that it is an issue of human rights, and not of choice or work experience – once that goes fully in the reader or listener, they can never again use the language of sex work, or the propaganda of the sex trade lobby.

I write mostly for exited women, and for women trapped in the sex trade, but holding on to the dream of leaving for good.

I also write for the mass of women and men who are on the fence about the sex trade, write for folks who have doubts but no language to express their thoughts.

I have no interest in changing the sex trade/work lobby, for they are embedded in believing women like are subhuman and should have no voice.

In the view of this lobby, exited prostituted women should not exist – we should dead, mentally destroyed and voiceless.

Our existence, our endless resistance, our determination and our truths is the largest threat to the sex trade.

We are the multiple trumpets that will bring the wall of Jericho.

No-one can believe the multiple voices and their witnessing of the tortures, the endless disappearances/murders, the mental breaking down of vulnerable females, the exploitation of all racism/economic inequalities/previous abuse/and all forms of hate that is the common pushes into the sex trade – and not want abolition.

The voices of exited women is the revolution, we know the root and all the branches of how to destroy the sex trade.

No wonder the sex work lobby spends so much energy attacking and silencing our words – we are not dead, being alive we will remember and speak truth to power.

Exited women have been to hell, so can fight without fear, for nothing can be as bad as having men use as their sex toy – not one or even 59 men, but usually so many men they have no face, background or name.

These men are just johns, punters and clients – for they are not human as they just wank into our living bodies.

Each and every punter is a criminal, for each is making a choice to consume a slave, making a choice to ignore her mental/sexual/physical for his selfish needs.

The vast majority of punters will do extreme violence, and the throw the prostitute away.

Most punters go many times, most will consume several prostitutes.

The more a punter make that choice to consume a prostitute, the more likely he is to view her as subhuman and therefore see no issue in using violence and control.

His consumption is nothing to with sex – it is an act of control, violence and hate, it is the conditions of slavery/trafficking.

That is not sex, that is not work.

That is an human rights emergency.

So, listen to all exited women – and join the revolution.