True Colours

This is about where liberal feminists have chosen to betrayed the prostituted class – and in that betrayal are allowing the constant male violence to engulf the prostituted.

Liberal feminism considered itself to be the fourth wave of women’s fight for equality.

It is not a radical movement, it does not fight for liberation for women – no it fight for individual wants of often privileged women.

Liberal feminism was made for white Western women who are often middle-class.

Hell, if I had experienced childhood abuse and being prostituted – I would have a perfect candidate for liberal feminism.

But there the rub – liberal feminism excludes the prostituted, excludes women of colour, excludes working-class women, excludes women outside the West, exclude past generations of feminists – heck, liberal feminism excludes the vast majority of females.

Liberal feminism follows the philosophy that the individual women can improves her life, and is almost blind to the institution of patriarchy and organised women-hating.

It is philosophy that refuses to see men as a class – a class that benefit from oppressing women as a class.

This narrow view is the basis of the betrayal of the prostituted – for to call the prostituted sex workers is to say it just individual stories.

In the language of liberal feminism – there is no structure or organisation of the sex trade – just individual prostituted women having a good or bad experience of sex trade.

There is little or no mentions of huge profits of the sex trade – sex trade profiteers become invisible or just kindly employers.

Male violence to the prostituted is dismissed in many ways –

Dismiss as the prostituted women not being mentally right for the sex work.

Dismiss as only happening in so-called underground prostitution.

Dismiss as only being done by punters with mental health issues, punters who don’t understand Western culture, punters who are drunk/high – never by the good punters.

Dismiss coz the individual prostituted woman should read the punter’s body language and seen he was a sadist.

Dismiss as only occurring when the prostituted woman is a street-based prostitute.

Dismiss because the prostitute is Black/indigenous/Asian/white working-class/under-aged – anything but a privileged Western white woman.

Dismiss because the individual prostitute may not understand it just kinky sex or S/M, coz of her mental health or previous abuse.

And so many disgusting excuses for male violence.

Liberal feminism may as well be the voice of sex trade profiteers and punters – for it does nothing for the prostituted.

 

A Message From Hell

How do we make prostitution real to the non-prostituted?

How do words fit our hell, our exhaustion, our everyday terrors, our pain in all our bodies?

How do you say or write with a clear mind and speak true to that void?

I feel I write this blog exploring that, and always feeling always the essence of what it is to be prostituted is out of reach.

Words mean nothing when speaking to the heart of torture, heart of isolation, heart of knowing what it is to made sub-human.

I know I write and speak out – I know I have to repeat over and over and over words that may touch that heart of darkness.

I also know the more words I use, the more distance I make between my memories of hell and my role as an exited woman now.

I want to find some language that fits those memories, and fit the gaps and silences that I hear other exited women express.

I don’t want to invent a new language, I want known words and expressions describe our reality.

I reach into poetic prose for some answer – I also reach to music, painting, drawing, dance, and all the arts to express our terror and pain.

I find the arts express our fragmented memories, our desire to not show our vulnerability, our closeness to pain and terror, our rapes becoming so common they become nothing.

I find the arts know our silences are full of screaming, our calmness is a desire to stop feeling and thinking, our ability to survive is grow from deep fury and remembering all our prostituted friends who never reach an exit.

In the arts, there is more space than research or what is called facts,

After all, how can we truly know facts about any aspect of prostitution – when the sex trade is so skilled at hiding male violence, at hiding deaths of the prostituted, at denying there is any torture only kinky fun.

We must question many facts about prostitution as they were formed by those who want to keep the sex trade – and want to silence any exited who speak out about how they remember.

I will try to write into that heart of darkness, it may take months or may take weeks – but I will start by trying switch off my own censor.

I know when I think to the middle of prostitution there are many things that are constant.

There is my fear to see myself – to see my dead eyes, see my body bruised/cut and too thin to live, to see myself is to know a ghost.

There is the cold hate in so many punter’s eyes – that look that makes clear no words or actions will stop his violence until he decides he is done.

Knowing that no part of my skin, my insides, my essence will safe from that violence and his pollution.

I could scratch and try to erase that hate and violence, but even after many years of being an exited woman – there is no cell on my body that can be free from that pollution.

There is a knowledge of male violence that is inside my skin – my fight against male violence was born from my tortured body, the intellectual follows when I had safety and security.

I know violence that I would love to think no human is capable of – only this violence was repeated over and over and over and over till could only live by blocking out my reality.

Most punters who make the choice to be violent will use mental/physical/sexual torture as their norm – and unlike the myth spread by the sex trade lobby most punters make the choice to be violent.

But, I and most exited women would say and know – to make the choice to buy and sell the prostituted is an act of violence in and of itself.

To buy the prostituted is to pay to rape – so no punters can let off the hooks by claiming to the decent guy.

We hate all punters. To survive we pretended to be happy and in control.

But to reach into why prostitution must be framed as torture and considered a human rights, I must describe what it was to be made a living porn-doll.

Punters consume porn as their bible, then pour that hate into the prostituted’s bodies.

In porn, bodies are punished beyond hope and remembering to stay human – that is the norm for the prostituted.

Firstly, the vast majority of the prostituted are raped on a scale where it become their norm. It is to raped and have no time to recover.

To be prostituted, is have many rapists wanting to consume you. But it is rarely just rape – no punters pay to mentally control, to create pain in places that your body thought would be safe.

Punters enjoy the long game of torture – especially if they can consume the prostituted indoors.

The more money and status a punter has, the more time and space he will have to tortured the prostituted.

Most sadist violence or murders done to the prostituted is done indoors – even when the prostituted are brought on the street.

Society allows the private space to punters – saying we will turn away from his violence, and refuse to or hear the terror and pain of the prostituted.

That is some of getting to the heart of prostitution – a start, but I must take care of myself, so I will end there.

World-Wide

I feel like showing off.

Over the eight years of writing this blog, it has been read in all these countries.

Aaland Islands, Afghanistan, Albania, Angola, Antigua & Barbuda, Armenia, Argentina, Austria, Australia, Azerbaijan.

Barbados, Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Belarus, Belgium, Belize, Benin, Bhutan, Bolivia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Botswana, Bulgaria, Burundi.

Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Cape Verde, Cayman Islands, Chad, Chile, China, Colombia, Congo-Kinshasa, Costa Rica, Cote d’Ivoire, Croatia, Cuba, Cyprus, Czech Republic.

Denmark, Dominican Republic, Djibouti.

Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Ethiopia, European Union.

Faroe Islands, Fiji, Finland, France, French Guinea, French Polynesia.

Georgia, Germany, Ghana, Gibraltar, Greece, Greenland, Guadeloupe, Guatemala, Guernsey, Guyana.

Haiti, Honduras, Hong Kong SAR China, Hungary.

Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iraq, Ireland, Isle of Man, Israel, Italy.

Jamaica, Japan, Jersey, Jordan.

Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan.

Laos, Latvia, Lebanon, Libya, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg.

Macao SAR China, Macedonia, Madagascar, Malaysia, Malta, Martinique, Mauritius, Mexico, Moldavia, Myanmar.

Namibia, Nepal, Netherlands, New Caledonia, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Nigeria, Norway.

Oman.

Pakistan, Palau, Palestinian Territories, Panama, Papua New Guinea, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico.

Qatar.

Reunion, Romania, Russia, Rwanda.

Sao Tome-Principe, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia, Seychelles, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Sri Lanka, St Lucia, St Vincent & Grenadines, Swaziland, Sweden, Switzerland.

Taiwan SAR China, Tajikistan, Tanzania, Thailand, Togo, Trinidad & Tobago, Turkey, Turks & Cairos Islands.

Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States, Uruguay, US Virgin Islands, Uzbekistan.

Vatican City, Venezuela, Vietnam,

Yemen.

Zambia, Zimbabwe.

 

No Fantasy

I have been told I am fantasist by sex work promoters.

Hell, I wish I knew nothing about the inside of indoors prostitution. I wish I went on my merry way never thinking about the conditions that the prostituted live.

It would never be my fantasy to be prostituted.

Of course, I had many fantasies.

I wanted to be Lauren Bacall, I wanted to be a highwaywoman, I wanted to live in St Lucia, I wanted to be an famous author.

I had many fantasies.

I wanted to live without any violence, I wanted to loved in a honest way, I wanted life to slow down enough to be secure, I wanted to remember what it was to be human.

But it was never part of my imagination to be prostituted.

All I knew was the cartoon images that we are told is real prostitution.

The image of drugged-out, homeless and living without love street prostitute.

The Happy Hooker with her heart of gold, who enjoys sex and making punters happy.

The escort who is rich, who controls the punters and would never allow them to be violent.

The trafficked prostituted woman who has no rights – is raped beyond rape, is battered, and vanishes when she is too old, that is over 23.

All these images had nothing to do with who I thought I was.

I knew of prostitution, but it meant very little to me till I lost my will to live.

Then I hang out in King’s Cross and Soho – I was so young and could only know what a child perceives.

I was round 9 to 11 when I enter Soho and King’s Cross, I went looking for a place where I could hate myself, and I found it.

I found a place of emptiness, dead eyes, humans in desperation being brought and sold.

I found my Ice Kingdom that many lost children are attracted to.

I found I could fit as I learnt to murder emotions, grow a heart of ice, and to believe I was worth nothing.

I was growing towards prostitution, so I keep believing I was in some kind of control.

It was the control of wanting suicide but not knowing how to die.

It was the control of having some place where I could stop feeling.

It was the control that now is called choice – the choice of a zombie.

So, to survive I decided that I choose to enter prostitution when I was 14.

Tell me, what is meant by choice?

Tell me how I at 14 could of chosen knowing all the information?

Could I know that no matter what type of prostitution I did, violence would be a shadow that would never leave.

Could I know that punters always hold the power over my body and mind, and can rape/torture/murder me as a whim.

Could I know how hard it was to exit prostitution.

Could I know that I would have extreme PTSD as a legacy of many years of prostitution.

Well, I thought I was clued up but I knew nothing.

What became my reality was never part of any fantasy that I had.

It was hell – plain and simple.

I speak to that truth – not some fantasy.

Back to the Centre

I started this blog wanting to express what it is to be prostituted.

Now, I want to speak to the centre of prostitution – the male demand and those who profiteer from that demand.

The more I write, the more I speak out, the more I listen to my exited friends – the more I know the focus must be placed onto the demand and supply, and away from the individual prostituted woman (man or child).

To face up to that demand and supply, we must explode many myths.

We must know that prostitution is not inevitable – it is not the oldest profession, it has not always been with, and there can be a world without prostitution.

We must think men are better than wanting to be punters and profiteers of the sex trade.

That men can and will learn to see women as equals – not as sex objects, not as sub-human sex goods.

That men can and will learn not to associate violence with sex, that is not to be sadists.

That we can and will make a world where men who make the choice to be punters or profiteers are made into pariahs – and punish in a serious manner.

Damn it, we must want men to raise above demanding and supplying prostitution – that is least we should expect of them.

I am sick of the millions of excuses that men and some of their female supporters make for the continence of prostitution.

All excuses are from a place of a frozen heart, and the desire to keep the prostituted as sub-human.

I could on forever with the words of these excuses, so I will select a few, please feel free to add on if you understand those callous words.

The biggest excuse, the one that it always shock me that anyone can believe – Without the constant supply of the prostituted, punters would seriously violent to real women and children.

Jesus – where to start with that crap.

This assumes the prostituted are too sub-human to be raped, to be tortured, to feel pain and to know terror – only so-called real women and children, that is women and children who are made good by male standards – can know such human feelings.

Another excuse is that prostitution can be made safer by say co-ops, by decimalising all aspects of prostitution, by allowing the prostituted to form unions.

More bullshit, but this is shite is made to make the Leftist punters feel justify as the consume free-range prostituted folks.

Prostitution can never be made safe – it does not matter where it is place, it is does not matter how it is organise, it does not matter what label you put on the prostituted.

Prostitution can never be safe when all punters know that fully own and control the prostituted – and in that ownership, punters have full entitled to be as sadist as he can desires and can imagine from his porn dreams.

Punters can and will be violent however society chooses to organise prostitution – so if we really want to end violence to the prostituted , we must punish and re-educate men who choose to punters to stop consuming the prostituted.

That is why I fight for the Nordic Approach as a mighty step toward abolition and liberation for all the prostituted.

A myth that punters love – is that he is controlled and manipulated by the prostitute. This is place by the myth that the prostituted are sex-crazed.

These myths keep the prostituted as sub-human, who have no past and no future – only a present of fucking punter after punter after punter.

Only inside these myths, is an ugly myth – that each punters imagine he somehow special and unique to his prostitute, and then hate the prostitute for allowing so many other punters into her, whilst at the same time enjoying her trashiness that he can throw away as he returns to real women.

To be prostituted is to live inside that sick mind-set – it is to placed as some goddess of sex, then raped, tortured and mentally abused till you know you just dirt.

Our bodies and minds become experimental rats for all forms of mental, sexual and physical torture, in order to make the prostituted know they can never be human.

Punters need to see us as sub-human, they need to rid themselves of having a conscious or empathy – so they invent that prostituted want the violence, that they manipulate punters into violence.

Punters need to believe that the prostituted are bad – so they can pretend it is not real rape, real battering, real degradation or real murder – just sorting out the trash.

Those are a sample of the excuses made for the status quo of prostitution.

Well, if you want to keep the prostituted as sub-human, as goods who cannot know basic human rights – then follow the words of punters and sex trade profiteers.

I want more – I want a world that cannot imagine a prostituted class.

I want to rise all the prostituted to the simple right of knowing they are fully human.

 

Eight Years

I have been writing this blog for eight years now – and still I am frustrated, still I see the prostituted are made into sub-human.

There have been some positive changes, but from the viewpoint of an exited woman, there has been too much support for the sex trade and its promoters.

I would cry bitter tears, but there is too much to do than wasting my tears.

I can cry when all the prostituted have freedom, are treated as full human beings and truly heard.

Till then, my fight will be relentless.

A major positive in these eight years, and the positive that means the most to me – is the growing multiple voices of exited women is all over social media.

When I started this blog, in England I was an isolated voice, with little or no support.

There were many exited women campaigning internationally, but we were rarely connected.

Thanks to groups like SPACE and STSU (Sex Trade Survivors United), exited are organising on an international level.

This gives us many powerful political voices, we speak out a deeply painful personal and connect our lives together making a loud abolitionist voice.

In these eight years, exited women have invented and rediscover ways to support each other – we are not afraid to face dark terrifying emotions and truths, for we are never alone again.

We can keep some of our pain and truths with our exited Sisters, giving us the strength and courage to fight for abolition.

We can find the language that fits our realities and our fragmented memories.

We can laugh at what others cannot hear or even see, our laughter is our route back into life and is our power-source.

And we can learn how to speak of torture knowing it under all our skins, speak to rape on an industrial scale seeing it our bodies we speak of, and speak for the disappeared and dead for they shadow us as we forge a better future.

All that has happened in less than eight years – but it built on the multiple voices of the prostituted in all cultures and over 4000 years.

Before all history of what it is and was to be prostituted was recorded by those who consume or profiteer from the sex trade.

Now, we are slowly beginning to re-write our history and testimonies to speak to being inside the sex trade and to be made sub-human.

I started this blog hoping my small voice would make some re-think or even act to make real change for the prostituted.

I am shocked and deeply honoured by the fact I read world-wide.

In these eight years, my readership comes from 177 countries – 49 from Europe, 49 from Arica and Middle East, 37 from Asia, 33 from the Americas, and 9 from Australia/NZ/Pacific Islands.

That is amazing, and I feel very proud.

I hope my words helps abolitionists everywhere, and reaches some prostituted women who feel trapped or abandoned, and gives strength to exited women.

But back to my frustration which is the backbone of my politics.

I am deeply frustrated and can feel quite broken by how loud the sex work movement is, and how in the eight years they keep saying the same things over and over.

Their words are made in gospel by the liberal media and academia.

It is easy to believe their propaganda – for it does not confront the male violence and dehumanising of the prostituted.

Rather it paints an image of Pretty Woman as all the prostituted – a woman who cannot be hurt, seems to be empowered, is able to go in and out of prostitution – a woman that does not exist.

She is rebranded as a sex worker – when before she was a temple whore, a geisha, a courtesan, an escort.

In this world of fiction, sex workers are usually Western middle-class white women who choose prostitution as a career or a hobby.

In this world of fiction, sex workers are empowered and can turn away violent punters, whilst being high earners.

This world of fiction is sick when put alongside the reality that exited women speak to.

We know there is no aspect of prostitution that can be made safe – for any punter can be violent whatever label is put on the prostitute he is consuming.

We know the more money a punter the more entitled he will feel.

This entitlement means he will think he owns the prostitute body, mind and soul. He is very likely to be a sadist, and to expect to have the prostitute over a long period.

So, to earn big in the world of prostitution is to be living inside torture and know at any moment you could murdered.

I an exhausted – so end for now.

Consequences

I do not use this blog to write to what is on the news, but the events in Germany have made so angry and sick.

As I wrote in my last post, this is because of the sheer hypocrisy of the majority of reactions, plus it being used as excuse for racism and ignorance.

It all about making the elephant in the room invisible, or maybe the two elephants standing in that room.

That men in mass crowds of all cultures, all backgrounds and in all times of history has been sexually violent to females.

That Germany has made itself the brothel of Europe – that is it ok to rape, mentally abuse, torture and even murder women and girls as long you pay for it.

It is only wrong if done non-prostituted women and can be framed as not part of German culture.

I have try to stay silent, as bile raises into my throat.

But as I hear German politicians state that violence against is so awful – I want to scream –

Which women are talking about?

Are you talking about prostituted in the mega brothels which are on the increase in Germany?

Are you talking about women inside porn filmed in Germany where torture is the norm?

Are you talking about street-based prostituted women who live with the knowledge that rape is their norm, and they could disappear at any time?

Are you talking about escorts who know sexual torture, threats of death and mental violence inside out?

No – you talking only of the non-prostituted women who must be protected from these nasty foreign men – coz we must not notice that German men could of been part of the crowds sexually abusing women.

Personally, I think you have narrow down the women worthy of your support as white European, who must have German citizenship.

For that will gain you tons of vote – to keep open the sex trade, whilst saying most sexual violence done to German women is done by foreigners and men of a strange culture.

I hate yourself self-serving bullshit – for I sure you know it far more complicated, but don’t care if ignorance helps you stay in power.

I also at the disconnect of many feminists, especially liberal feminists.

I understand that most liberal feminists are pro-sex work, so will refuse to connect the legalisation of prostitution with increased sexual violence to all women.

This disconnect sickened me to the core of my being.

To justify prostitution as sex work – you must ignore all tortures, all mental violence, all the murders of the prostituted.

This is what is being done as I look at too so-called feminist discussions of events in Germany.

There is no questioning of the disappearances of prostituted women in Germany, no questioning the high rate of murdered prostituted women since prostitution was legalised.

There is no interest in everyday tortures that is the norm in German brothels, no interests in how sub-human mega brothels are.

But, if porn-fuelled sexual is place onto non-prostituted women – then it is horrific and becomes an feminist issue.

Sorry, if I cry with laughter at your hypocrisy.

Sexual violence will be the norm as long the sex trade is legal and part of German culture.

Of course, majority of that violence will remain hidden and considered a non-crime, for it will done inside the sex trade.

When we choose to legalised prostitution, we are stating that the prostituted class are sub-human.

Stating that it is impossible to rape a prostitute.

Stating that the prostitute does not have human emotions such as terror, grief or confusion.

Stating that you cannot hurt a prostitute, for it has been decided she feel no pain.

And stating that killing a prostitute is a non-event, just getting rid of the trash.

In that environment, why would any men living in or visiting Germany, thinks that women have rights to safety and dignity.

What the men in the crowd have to learn is to pay for their sexual violence first, then no-one will care.