Ten Years of Blogging

Dedicated with deep love to Chelsea, Lauren, Simone, Jacqueline, Natasha, Nikolaos, Beth, Kelly, Lily, Chris, Trisha, Kerri, Kristen, Alisha and Tanja.

 

Today it is my tenth anniversary of this blog.

Jeez, not sure what that means or is. Maybe paper or plastic.

But I am amazed at that I have kept going for ten years, and deeply saddened that my blog has to exist.

I will try to write to this moment in time, with a broken heart and fragmented memory – I will write striving for hope.

Ten years is a short and long time, ten years is hard to frame when for too much of my life staying alive for that long seemed a distance dream.

That was the past, and this is now.

I write to find that undiscovered land – the place where I learnt I could think in ten years, and not be amazed I was awake in the morning.

This blog is a landmark, it is my gift to the future.

I hope in that future, this and all the words of exited women will be museum pieces or parts of research into the reasons men ever thought prostitution could be acceptable.

But now as I write, I am ill and close to breaking point.

Ten years of writing, ten years of campaigning and ten years of digging deeply – and how much had changed for the prostituted.

Yes, I celebrated that a few more countries have gone towards the Nordic Approach.

But most still rarely punish the punters, rarely close down prostitution or provide proper exiting programmes.

It hard to celebrate my tenth anniversary as the sex work lobby pollutes every mention of prostitution on the media.

For ten years, the lies and hate speech of the sex work lobby has been a shadow to every blog that I write.

I am proud to say that mainly pretend to ignore my work, framing it as not relevant and just an individual view.

As they ignore, they still send “advice” to improve my work.

Suggest I get help for my mental health issues, suggest I am confuse because I abused  as a child, suggest I could never be prostituted coz my family are rich.

Nice advice that goes straight to the trash.

Then there is constant information freely given by the sex work lobby.

Telling me it is a lie that prostitution is as violent as I write, telling it MUST of illegal if was as violent as I say.

Telling me to give proof of where, when and how my supposed prostitution happened – asking if was so bad where were the police or other help, if was so bad how come you are alive.

I throw their kind advice to the trash.

The sex work lobby would love to silence me, and all other exited folks who speak truth to power.

We were not meant to have survived the sex trade. We were disposable.

Our voices were meant to disappear.

To speak as an exited woman is to be the impossible.

That is to be the one that more than got away – but be the who remembers and can be a witness that shows the rotting heart of the sex trade.

The hardest part of writing this blog, is knowing that my family can never believed that I was prostituted.

Knowing this is true for the majority of exited women is saddening, but give me inner strength.

My family who I love, cannot see or know such an ugly truth, so they blame anything else for my mental health issues.

This is understandable, and as long as we stay clear of the subject, it is fine.

But, I love to build a future where all exited women were held by the good members of their families with belief.

Anyhow, happy anniversary to me – the best thing would be if in the next ten years there was no need for a blog like this.

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Funk and Soul Writing

Well, hello after my break to settle my body and back.

I am back, feeling ill with a very crappy cold, coughing too much, being slightly sick and bloodly – but cheering myself by listening to funk and classic soul.

This is the music of my life, the music that raising me even from the hell of prostitution, the music that touches depths of despair whilst always showing hope.

I hear Aretha, Marvin Gaye, James Brown, Earth, Wind & Fire, Chic, Temptations, Four Tops, Supremes, Otis Redding, Sam & Dave, Stevie Wonder, Sam Cooke, Gladys Knight, Jackson Five etc etc – and I can be no-one but my essential Self.

This music has been my guardian angel all my life.

Soul and funk is more than entertainment to me, all too often it has given a reason to  live and thrive – and many times Soul and funk has saved my life.

During my years of prostitution, one survival mechanism I had was to get music in the background, if it was Soul or funk, I could and did disappear into the sound whilst I perform the actions of the good whore.

I could act the whore whilst feeling nothing, even imagine I was dancing, as I sung in  silence the well-remembered vocals.

I would fold my confusion, pain, fury and lack of hope into the passion of those singers.

I refused to know my emotions belong – instead they belong to Philly Soul, to Stax records, to Motown and to Altantic Soul.

I only remembered allowing in these simple emotions to music.

How to those of us made sub-human express emotions?

Emotions was never natural, it was learnt – so I will enternally grateful to soul and funk for being my teacher.

I hit the heights of expression when I discover Mavis Staples.

This was late, when I was exited, when my body and mind was ready to accept the complexities of grief, of pain, of reaching towards joy, to knowing it is ok to hope.

I learnt I could cry, scream, laugh, and shout alongside Mavis, and I learnt how to ease some of my past, and place it on the side to find the joy of the moment I was in.

As I grow towards joy and hope, I place disco into my heart and body with soul and funk.

Disco is the music of pure joy, it is hedonistic in a good way.

It is the music that cuts across sexualities, stick it tongue out to racism, a music that dances haters to exhaustion.

It is the music that I need to close out the hell I lived through – disco refuses that world, and just allows me to know I deserve happiness and the right to be selfish in getting it.

I refuse to accept that being inside the sex trade has the power to destroy access to emotions, to kill happiness, to wreck an exited woman beyond hope.

Listening to disco, soul and funk teaches me how indestructible the human soul is.

Another Year

My 55th birthday was yesterday.

Gee whiz, I made into independence, freedom, and adulthood.

I think to exit and survive prostitution and trafficking is luck and stubborn will to not be destroyed.

This is post is for all exited friends, in America, in Canada, in Brazil, in South Africa, in India, in New Zealand, in Australia, in Germany, in France, in Italy, in Ireland, in Wales, in Scotland and my home country, England – and all the countries I may of left out.

To be exited is to be a family, we may rarely see each other, may only have the internet to speak to each other – but we have a closeness that comes through connections of pain, of graveyard humour, of knowledge of hell that even allies cannot hold.

Let me say, I love you all.

I have never known love like I get from my exited Sisters, and a few exited males.

So, this post is a huge thanks to all my exited friends.

In my thanks, there is space for deep grief, fury and a yearning for real justice.

In this post, I will speak from my heart, not with logic but passion and vulnerability.

I speak to the deep grief that follows being exited, grief become a shadow leading out for justice and dignity.

None of exited friends has not known the face of death.

All had prostituted friends who died or disappeared.

All were threatened with murder by sex trade profiteers or punters.

All were in situations where  they almost murdered.

None thought they would get of prostitution alive or holding on to their sanity.

The reality of prostitution is the vast majority of the prostituted are murdered, commit suicide or too damaged to survive.

Those of us who have exited and then have the strength to fight for real change, we are the lucky ones.

That leaves a deep grief, that is under our skin every moment of every day.

To campaign, to keep on educating the wrongs of prostitution, to live with joy and desire for change with that deep-seated grief – now that is what a hero is, that is true warrior spirit.

All the exited have a strength, a heroic spirit that is a fire surrounded by iron.

I write to the fury of being exited.

A fury that must not be contained to keep others safe by censoring our realities to fit their streotypes of what being exited is.

A fury that cannot rest as all over the world, at every moment there are millions of the prostituted living in hell.

This fury is there every time we see, hear and be contact with the concept of sex work.

This fury dismisses the language of choice, the language of empowerment, the language of fun.

This fury burns out academics, journalists, sex trade profiteers and their friends whohide the everyday genocide of the prostituted with the language of sex work.

This fury guides us back to the core of torturing, the deaths, the brainwashing and the being made sub-human that is prostitution.

Sex work does exist – for all prostitution is a violation of the basic human rights to safety, to not being tortured, to having full bodily control.

Our fury is a translator to all the sex work nonsense. It is a clear-sighted fury.

We are seeking justice that is solid, permanent and built from the knowledge of centuries of knowledge from the prostituted.

This justice is more than the Nordic Model, is need to deeper roots to stay long-term and solid.

It is a justice that listen to the knowledge of the exited about male violence and hate.

To truly end all prostitution and make it seemed unthinkable to do, we must fully focus on who the sex trade profiteers and punters are.

Although there a few females sex trade profiteers – prostitution as an institution is  fuelled by male sense of entitlement, male desire for power and male hate.

This must be challenged through education, through realistic punishment, through society disapproval, and through a true concept of respect for the prostituted.

We must plan long-term and not get restless when little changes in the present.

Aboliition is not a dream, it is a reality that must be reached.

To always aimed below the reach of abolition is a betrayal of the prostituted.

Justice is never reached with half measures – which is why the Nordic Model is not the end – but the beginning of the beginning of the end.

 

Myth Busting Again

I want to write to five myths about prostitution that really piss me off.

These the myths that make the punters invisible, usually by focusing the blame on the prostituted and making the punters into monsters or victims.

So in five myths I focus on the men who make the choice to consume and throw away  the prostituted.

 

1. Only a minority of men consumed the prostituted.

This myth makes no mathematical sense.

Think of long-term prostituted women.

Think that most long-term women are prostituted for at least seven years, and even if they only work part-term are consumed at the minimum of eight to hundreds of times by punters each year.

Most punters are one-time users of an individual prostituted, many prostituted women are gang-raped, or in one night have many punters lined up to consume her.

So there is at the very minimum round ten punters to every prostituted women.

That is large amount of men choosing to consume the prostituted.

2. Prostituted stops real women being raped or tortured.

This is sick and inhuman.

This is solid proof that our society has decided that the prostituted are sub-human.

The prostituted as a class are not human enough to know pain of being serially raped.

The prostituted as a class are not human enough to be victims of all forms of torturing.

No, the prostituted are made into sexual goods whose only duty is to save real women from men’s aggression and hate.

The prostituted have no right to complain, to scream out of rage and agony, no right to simple human right to live in safety.

Well, listen to exited women and hear our roaring for justice, screaming for dignity and whispering we refuse to the scapegoat for male violence.

We are lionnesses, not sacrificial lambs.

3. Prostitution is a service for lonely/disable/ugly men.

Rubbish.

All men need to know and fully understand that are entitled to buy another human for his orgasm.

Sex is not human right, it may be a want or a desire, but no man loses his penis just because he cannot have constant access to fucking.

I am yet to see of penises going green and dropping off, coz there are no prostituted women nearby to be consumed.

As for the concept that the prostituted are needed to service disabled men, this is insulting to the disabled, and a violation of the human rights of the prostituted.

This implys that disabled men cannot formed relationships or find ways to discover sexual desire without consuming another oppressed class.

Many disabled campaigners are deeply offended and angered by this way making them into sub-human.

It is wrong to manipulate the disabled  to oppress the prostituted.

4. Punters are not aware of the harm that they create.

Bullshite.

No man accidentally consumed the prostituted, it usually pre-planned and always a conscious act.

Whether the punters has used the net to book an escort, whether he is in brothel on a stag-do treat, cruising for a street prostituted woman, going into flats or hotel rooms with access guarded by pimps, or just imaging he just picking a prostitute on a wimp – this is always a conscious act, that all punters can refuse to be part of.

By making the conscious choice to consume the prostituted, all punters have made the choice to be a rapist, to create violence on the bodies and minds of the prostituted.

He is the problem, not the solution.

There no such person as the good punter, all punters are criminals and capable of severe hate and violence.

5. Punters are not that violent.

No, the opposite is the truth – it is rare that punters are non- violent, almost down to less than 5% that do not rape or torture the prostituted.

Punters do not consume the prostituted to do missionary positions, to treat the prostituted with respect or dignity.

Most punters want the prostituted for he want a living porn-doll, who can do everything his mind knows he would to real women.

Torture is normal in all aspects of prostitution, all porn is torture.

All that prostitution is having a living prostitute having every cell of her mind and body drowned by the punter’s porn-fuelled fantasises.

There no safe space or access to self-respect the prostituted in that environment – just the raw instinct to keep breathing, the closure of the mind to the reality of torture being called a work risk,

The prostituted lives with trauma piling up in her body with no release, only release comes with being lucky enough to exit with extreme PTSD – or the release of a mental breakdown or death.

But punters can as sadist as they like with no consequences, they are made invisible and without any responsibility for the harms that they do.

 

We must stopped thinking that punters are Richard Gere, and known they are sadist and calculated criminals.

How can exited women ever trust a society that thinks punters are victims of manipulated prostituted women?

Punters are just very ordinary men who believed they are entitled to rape and torture women and girls who they have decided have no access to justice and dignity.

Remember there is nothing natural about the institution of prostitution -it was invented by men as place male violence and hate can be contained and hidden.

 

 

From My Heart

I cannot ever remember my past in a linear way.

I live inside gaps and silences.

I can never what label to give my past, whether it be prostitution, whether is sexual violence from many strange men, whether it misreading because of being broken by previous abuse.

Words and labels are unimportant when too many rapes to fit into one mind, when torture was my norm.

All I know I have deep spiritual connection with the prostituted class, a deep spiritual link to those who have had torture inside their skin.

I have connected with those who have seen and fully known the evil that only men can do.

So, though I will put a label on my past, I will never stop speaking out for my exited Sisters, never stop fighting for full and long-abolition of the sex trade.

I know in my late teens and much of my twenties, I was on the edge of death, know my self-hate and sense that I wanted to be a zombie – attracted me to slow suicide of sadist men.

Most of this was unpaid, though on occasions I was paid from £5 to £300.

The vast majority of these sexual sadists were invisible to me, for I refuse to let their faces or names into my mind.

Maybe these bad one-night stands, maybe this was part of casual prostitution, maybe  I was being trafficked.

Such labels are unimportant – for it was torture, it was rape and it was extreme self-harm.

Labels do not take away that pain, labels do not give me justice.

It can both prostitution and confused one- night stand, for there was many men on too many occasions.

I survived by refusing to hold most of their sadism in my head until I became secure enough to know my reality.

Now, I can remember in bits and pieces for my inner strength can speak out.

I do need labels, but space to heal and grieve.

There must space so I can have more to my life than that past.

 

 

More Myths

Speaking to the conditions of the prostituted as a class, is to unpick sterotypes and myths.

I will try to do this.

Part of the struggle of being an Abolitionist is the constant myth-making by those who cannot see an end to the sex trade.

A major myth is that prostitution will never go away.

That was said of slavery across Africa to Americas and Europe.

That was said of Apartheid in South Africa.

Anything made by humans can be dismantle by humans.

There is nothing nature about prostitution or any aspect of the sex trade.

With collective actions, listening deeply to exited women, educating boys and men not to think that buying another human for their sexual greed is acceptable, and by the punishment of sex trade profiteers and punters – we being the road to full abolition of the sex trade.

Another huge myth is the to be prostituted there must always be money or gifts in the hands of the prostituted.

This is mostly true, but it never the only factor that makes it Prostitution.

Many of the prostituted received little if no money, but are in conditions of being exchanged for sex to punters.

There may be money exchanged, but this is invisible to the individual prostitution.

This is common with young trafficked girls in Western countries.

These young teenager (mostly, those some as young as eight or nine), are exchanged between many punters in rooms .

It will seemed to the prostituted girl that she just has many men wanting to screw her, usually with extreme violence, often as gang raping, always by men with no love, often no names or even seeing the girls as a real human.

Many poor women and girls in countries with deep long-term poverty are “born” to be prostituted.

They receive no money or so little it may as well be no money.

Many prostituted women and girls have punters so violent that they can not be paid and the prostitute will be in a state to care.

You cannot force a punter to pay, when he knows he just needs to beat her up instead.

It is thought that all the prostituted are pimped out.

This is not true.

For many of the prostituted, especially those are indoors, may be contacted over the computer, with no pimps involved.

I will more about myths soon, I am on forever – as the sex trade and its allies will always lies to keep their profits flowing

IDVAW

My message for International Day to End viionce Against Women, this is on Facebook.

Today is End Violence Against Women Day, and yet again the prostituted females are hardly noticed. The prostituted are highly likely to have abused in many ways before entering the sex trade, whether as a child or young adult. The prostituted females are at the minimum 12 times more likely to murdered than females of similar age or background. The prostituted are raped by hundred if not thousands of men. The prostituted are tortured mentally, phsicially and sexually on a regular basic. The prostituted are in conditions of slavery and genocide, yet they are sidelined when recording Interternational Day to End Violence Against Women.q