A Room with Dead Money

This is written for anyone who imagine that prostitution is not rape.

That the exchange of money or goods equates with consent.

I will write to ordinary conditions of indoors prostitution, as I write to street prostitution for that was not my experiences. But know all prostitution is surrounded by male violence.

All prostitution can turn quickly into rape – think would sleep with that man If was not being paid, and would he not feel so entitled if he considered the prostitute to be fully human.

Rape is just the tip of huge iceberg of male violence that forms prostitution – in reality, rape is too light a word for the constant mental/physical/sexual torturing that is definition of prostitution.

I can speak to my personal experiences, and speak beside my prostituted sister’s who told me of tortures in their bones.

Please read, and try to make excuses for the institution of the sex trade.

To be raped – in the legal sense of penetration of the vagina/anus/mouth – is the norm is all prostitution.

After all, most whores are considered to three holes and two hands – with no sense that she is a full human, just a fuck-tool for punters to consume and sex trade profiteers to milk for money.

Often penetration is a small relief, for it may prevent worse humiliation and violence, but sometimes with the richer punters in indoors prostitution they just go on longer with no interference.

It is then the porn violence begins, it is then that the prostitute forgets hopes and deadens all human emotions.

Every torture seed on political prisoners is rehearse on the prostituted.

I have been waterboarded in baths and toilets with the added bonus of anus rapes.

I have pulled at in my vagina, anally raped up against a wall with legs tight together.

Been beaten till unconscious, been raped so painfully I lose how to breathe.

I have been gang-raped till I forget that I exist.

Every cell of my body knows rape and torture – that was my gift from the sex trade.

I am just an example of what it is to be prostituted – there nothing unique about that amount of violence, it is the norm of all prostitution.

So say loud and that prostitution is rape and should be top of the Me Too agenda.



In the Wilderness

How can words fit trauma? How does language speak to surviving prostitution?

I have written and spoken word for over a decade, and still the granite scream that is  that life is speakless in my stomach.

I cannot know peace without justice, not the smallness of individual – but the justice for all the prostituted class.

Trauma will never move if there is no justice – that is understood by the tortured, the racially oppressed, the enslaved.

The prostituted demand justice – but our voices constantly seemed to be sent to the wilderness.

Our voices are silenced, patronised and put on the back burner – all coz it has been decided we are not oppressed but empowered.

The prostituted are not seen just imagined.

There is rarely a space for the prostituted to be seen as fully human.

We are seen as the Happy Whore, seen as the eternal victim, seem as the liberated feminist, seen as lost trafficked female, seen as good or bad – but never seen as a fully complex human being.

Often, our allies view us as sub-human, keeping us as the endless victim.

This often means we cannot speak politics, just be pigeonholes as individual sad stories.

Our fury, our ability to see the causes of male violence and hate, our insights into trauma, our sense of connections in time/cultures and coping mechanisms for all the prostituted- all this is dismissed.

We are the experts of discovering ways to destroyed the sex trade – but all that is tossed into the wilderness.

I despair at this lack of respect, for exited women have deep wisdoms that could help  build a better world for women and men.

We are prophets trying to get out of the wilderness.



Big Plan

I have wanted to have a conference that highlights the multiple voices of exited women from all aspects of the sex trade for several years now.

I see this as something that can and will be made real, especially would if based outside a capital city, in say Bristol for instance.

To make this real, I am sending this post to women who are leaders as exited folks, or women who have strong Abolitionist ideas.

This is a long-term and ambition plan, which cannot be done alone but in a team, especially as international views would be essential.

I am tired of exited women being used as token speakers, tired of our expertises being seen as secondary, tired of the waste of great speakers and writers.

I do not believe there can real change until all exited women’s voices are the backbone of the Abolitionist movement.

We have deep understandings of the causes and justifications of male violence and hatred of women.

We speak to the realities of all forms of prostitution – our voices speak to the truth that there can no such as a safe place for prostitution – for there is no safety when men are entitled to buy and sell the prostituted as a class.

We speak of conditions in all prostitution that is the definition of trafficking and often slavery.

We expose the lies and propaganda of the sex work lobby.

That is just a small part of my ambitions for a conference.

I am writing this post to request help and support to push this forward.

I would love women to help raise ideas about who to invite and how to raise money to pay them.

I need help in thinking of what should discuss, especially if links with other countries.

I need help in how find a site for the conference, and raising funds for the conference.

I need help in reaching out to as many women as possible.

Please contact me privately either here or no Twitter, and I give ways to be in touch.



Harder They Fall

Revenge is sweet is said – for the prostituted revenge is in the far distance, but in this post I write to a route there.

Revenge is inside every word I speak or write in my work.

I see punters and sex trade profiteers. I see the sex work lobby. I see so-called anti-trafficking groups exploiting the prostituted. I see liberal feminists. I see the brothers  of the Left. I see and know all excuses made for the continence of the sex trade.

All that is in the line of my sweet revenge.

I line up any and everyone who refuses to name prostitution as violence and of itself. There can be no excuses made, just a fight to end all prostitution at its root.

I see those who refuse to know that all prostitution is rape and the conditions of sexual slavery.

Those who say it is a service, those who say money equals to consent, those who name it as sex work, those whose imagined prostitution is an empowered choice.

I see you and name you as traitors to the prostituted.

Know as you speak to your porn fantasy – that punters and sex trade profiteers are killing, raping, mentally abusing and killing the semblance of humanity in millions of the prostituted.

There is no such thing as a safe way to be prostituted, there is no access to free and empowered choice in the world of prostitution – there only moments of less pain, confusion and terror.

To be prostituted is to kill all memories of hope and sense of Self.

How can that be classed as a free choice?

So, I now choose to be an Abolitionist.

I fight not for my past, that cannot be change, but Hell is can become a learning push for radical change.

I use my past to be a witness to a small aspect of the sex trade, using my past as example of the common grinding down of the Self that is the keystone to the sex trade.

I write from a place of fury, this comes from deep grief, but mostly from a space of fighting for justice for every prostitute from the beginning of time to now.

Justice is not harm reduction, justice is not decriminalisation, justice is hiding prostitution behind closed doors.

Justice is destroying all the sex trade root and branch, justice is making every punter know he is a criminal, justice is having exiting programmes that are long-term and holistic, justice is a world where prostitution is unimaginable.

That is why I say the Nordic Nordic is the first step to true justice and freedom for the prostituted.

The route to justice must be built on the words and truths of those of us who have survived and exited the sex trade.

Our truths are varied -but all will destroyed the sex trade at it roots.

We speak to the planned and organised violence that is prostitution, we speak to how ordinary punters are, we speak to the high rates of disappearances and deaths in the whole of the sex trade, we speak to how porn and torture is rehearsed inside all the prostituted before going into the “real world”.

The exited hold the atomic bomb that will destroy all excuses, all the lies, all the propaganda that hold up the sex trade.

Listen to the Exited and then you truly are in the revolution that is what abolition is.

Vida la Revolution.


Place of Sadness

I am very sad.

I feel broken, but on the mend. I feel vulnerable, but with a steel heart. I am drowning in sadness, but still reaching out for hope.

I do not know how to write into this space, so I write until words make their own meaning.

This is complex trauma, this is fragmented memory, this is the heart of an exited prostituted woman.

All I know is I need to write to the unspeakable or what is framed as unsayable.

That the conditions of being prostituted, that the evil of the stealing of our humanity.

That is to speak to the deafening silence and inaction as there is a daily raping, torturing and murdering of the prostituted.

This is the oldest and biggest genocide in history – only made made invisible by replacing the prostituted with yet more vulnerable women and girls.

As you read this, the prostituted are in hell.

Thisis a place where consent has no real meaning – consent is ripped away andrelplace with cash, gifts, stereotyping and entitlement.

This is a place where no prostitute can be rape, no prostitute is allowed to feel real pain, no prostitution is given the dignity to remember she is a full human being.

Hell is to be raped so often that you to name it as even abuse.

Hell is accept gang raping a risk of the job.

Hell is never knowing if a punter will be gentle, bored you with pointless chat, or choose to tortured or mentally abused.

Hell is the slow dissolving of the Self as you are turn into sexual goods that used by too many and thrown away too often.

And that is a tiny aspect of being prostituted.

This is hell not sex work, when any punter at any time and in any place, can be spreading out STDs.

This is hell when many punters could not give a damn that their pounding, their grabbing, their violent oral sex, their demand for anal, their hands ripping and pulling  – cause internal injuries that destroy our hopes and dreams.

This is hell when punters think it is ok to do to the prostituted what must never been done to real women and girls.

That is hell on earth – made invisible for society wants to turn away.

My sadness is a silent chocking scream.

It is a scream that comes from a place of knowing all the rules are changed for the prostituted.

Look at the rules of violence against women.

We see in domestic violence, that many woman will want to makes excuses for the male violence. But we choose to see their pain, confusion and terror being behind those words.

With the prostituted, we only hear brief words that say it all fine and dandy – to say all is empowering, safe enough and a free choice.

We know most rapists are very ordinary men, men who may be trusted,men who appears as decent.

We know most rapists hide in plain sight as the good father, friendly work colleague,  or trusted friend.

But we change the rules, to say there are a few violent punters who are clearly monsters.

But most hurtful and damaging, if how those who fiercely fight for human rights and     to violence women and children, ignore and dismiss the prostituted.

In other words, how good people keep the prostituted as  subhuman and disposable.

This is made clear as our deaths, rapes, disappearances and torturing is unrecorded.

Every exited woman is a witness to disappearances,murders, extreme violence/torturing, suicides and forms of slavery – but our witnessing is ignored and thrown away.

As we try to tackle violence to women and children, we could use these expert witnesses.

Exited women have deep knowledge of what male violence can be and how ordinary it is.

Exited women can see the depths of hate from men who choose to be violent.

Exited women know this violent is pre-planned, it never accidental or about sex – it always an act of power and entitlement.

Ignore the words of exited women, and there can never be true feminism.

Please when you read these words, fight harder and with more determination to free all the prostituted.


Sex Workers, You are So Boring

Yet again, I have had the sex lobby bombarding me with their tissues of lies and propaganda.

I let them do for a couple of days, then mute or block them – for the predictable and very repeative.

They are so boring – but in some ways would good fodder for a stand up comedienne.

I will write to often repeated tropes. I may comment, trying hard not to be not too cynical or edging on the bitter.

That is hard when they throw away the lives and dignity of prostituted in order to protect punters and sex trade profiteers.

All the tropes that I write are common, and written to exited women who fight for abolition all the time, and in many countries. There is nothing special about it, it is not rare.

I know my exited Sisters in USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Romania, Russia, Slovenia, Thailand, Japan, South Africa and many other countries get the same lies and propaganda.

It is a vicious tool of silencing – especially as they know the sex trade and its punters pour trauma into all the prostituted.

The sex work lobby knows, and uses, that exited women have complex long-term trauma. They just don’t give a damn – for they view the prostituted as goods not full humans; therefore all exited women are to them is goods that can no be controlled.


This is foundation of all the propaganda of the sex work lobby.

This is used to make male violence invisible, by focusing on the individual choices of the prostituted – and refusing to see the punters and sex trade profiteers.

It turns the reality of the sex trade upside-down, and imagine the prostituted woman is in control and with luck, will be in a position of power.

Whilst, the norm is that the punter is always in control, with full entitlement to be violent, to reinforce his porn-dreams on her living body.

He is buying goods, he has no interest in her humanity or safety..

The sex trade profiteers from providing access to sadist sex on demand, where a minority of punters may choose to be less violent.

But the real profits are made by making the prostituted into sexual goods, by making the violence so common they lose hope and forget about being fully human.


This fake compassion is only said to indicate that exited are unreliable, too emotional, too mentally ill to know the truth as sex workers see it.

This is used to implied we only see things as violent coz we are damaged, and cannot see “the truth” that most sex workers are safe, have friendly loyal clients and in full control.


Sex work is framed as indoors prostitution, mainly done by independent escorts or girlfriend experience.

It is protrayed as empowering, safe and easy to leave.

All that is rubbish.

I did all that types of prostitution, as well as listening to or campaigning with many women who survived indoors prostitution.

We all speak to the violence, the degradation, the stripping of our humanity of indoors prostitution.

How is it possible that indoors prostitution can be made safe?

Think what indoors prostitution is – it is mostly to shut in a room where a punter who is entitled to as violent as he wants.

OK, some punters may choose to be “gentle”, but that can never be known by the prostituted woman – it just the toss of a coin whether she is safe or not.

If a punter makes the choice to be violent, there will little or no protection, for money comes before her welfare.

Indoors prostitution is a trap – sometimes a gilded cage, but always hope and dignity is slowly stolen from the prostituted.


The sex work lobby loves to protect punters, and paint a picture that it just bad luck if the rare punter is violent.

He is a beast, a rapist, a monster – not an ordinary guy like most punters.

Hell, the violent punters is the norm, he is very ordinary – we just choose to make him invisible.

To see the common violence done to the prostituted would means confronting the entitlement of those men, and would lead to tearing down the sex trade at its roots.

So it is predictable that the sex trade lobby would protect punters by all means.


Hell no, brothels are never safe or where women can have free choice.

Brothels are the factory farms of prostitution – all the romantic views in novels, films and music can prettify that.

Brothels are use to mass produce sex on demand, with human rights stripped from the prostituted women.


Yet again, we are too mentally damaged to be worth listening to.

Our words and truths are dismissed, in fear and anger by the sex work lobby.

The sex work lobby pretend to care about the prostituted – but constantly attacks, ridicule and paint exited women are mentally ill.

This is heartless and calculated.

By saying exited women are too mentally damaged to understand the realities of the sex trade – the sex work lobby will assume we be silenced or unable to fight back.

Hell, of course it hurts – but that pain only makes us more determined and stronger.


I will end here.






No girl is born to be a prostitute, it never her dream. All the prostituted are groomed to forget their dreams.

Groomed by the media, groomed by advertising, groomed as an exit to family damage, groomed by hope, groomed by financial gains – but mostly groomed by a society that romansises and support the normalisation of the sex trade

Grooming is highly complicated, and designs to be invisible.

I was groomed, groomed I could not know that I had rights, groomed till I forgot hope existed, groomed until I lost that I was a human.

Grooming is evil – it is in all cultures, thoughout every century where prostitution existed.

Grooming is everywhere, but thrives but pretending it always outside your particular society.

The groomers are protrayed as the Other – the immigrant, the pimp, the crime lord, the corrupt policeman, the kidnapper.

Groomers are Everyman – your neighbour, your close relative, your boyfriend, your work colleague, from your political or religious society, inside your leisure activities.

There no community of males, and some women, who cannot become groomers.

I was groomed by both white and black men – saw profit before by my welfare.

There no groups of men that is innocent of making vulnerable females into sexual goods  – after it a highly effective way to make large profits with low expectation of punishment or consequences.

Groomers are criminals, but most societies let them go unpunished.

As if grooming was somehow harmless – as long as punters have access to organisms on demand, with full permission to be as sadist as they want – grooming will remain common but purposely unseen.

Well, see grooming and see the seriousness of violence that grooming is.

I will use my personal routes into prostitution as an example of commmon routes into prostitution.

I came from a family background of  mental and sexual abuse.

Incest is a common start of knowing your body is nothing but holes and hands.

Incest teaches a girl to know she is worthless – only seen through men’ eyes as fuckable goods, then can be thrown away.

This is the conditions of the prostituted woman – incest is one of the foundation stones of  prostitution.

I, like so abused young teenager, became a hater of all adults, becoming a runaway, thinking I was hard, imaging my self- hate was rebellion.

As I try to discover myself, I became more and more lost – slowly losing my sense of being human.

I was so vulnerable as I though I thought I too hard for any male to pour more damage  into my body and mind.

I as a streetwise kid was easy prey to groomers.

When see teenagers acting hard, look deeper, many are hurting, vulnerable to so many dangers, easy prey.

Don’t turn away, those hurting teenagers could be groomed into the hell of serial rapes, constant mental and physical breaking down that is the sex trade.

Please comment on this post, coz the pain is blocking me..