Pimp Words are Everywhere

I have been away from my blog, coz I have been facing the grief inside me.

I have been away staying as still as possible, allowing in me emotions to grow after the deadness of being prostituted.

It is hard to stop and grieve when all around the language of pimps dominate.

It is spoken in all the media, it is inside most TV dramas or films, it is heard when resting in coffee shops or just walking down the street.

Pimp language has come to be the acceptable language to speak by most of the liberal/leftist culture, which sadly includes too feminists as well.

It is a language that poisons all those who are lucky enough to survive the sex trade and strive to build real freedom for all the prostituted.

SEX WORK/WORKER

This has become the pc way to speech of all inside the sex trade.

It is spoken without thinking, it is spoken as if it the only good way to describe the prostituted.

It is spoken sending daggers into the hearts of all survivors of the sex trade, it is spoken and gags all our freedoms and ability to speak above pimp speech.

Sex work/worker is a term that was formed in New York by pimps in an attempt to say what they did was not just legitimate, but also harm-free.

It was formed to make all male violence invisible, to make all forms of profiteer’s control invisible, to make it that punters are just misunderstood or all gentlemen.

Sex work/worker is the language of hate and slavery.

But the Left and many liberal feminists took the terms and claim them as their own.

To do that they forget or choose to not remember it is terms owned by pimps.

Instead they make the false claim to be in sex work is to build an environment of safety for the prostituted class.

But this is huge and horrible lie.

When liberal feminists and the Left imagine a sex worker – it is always the old image of the Happy Hooker or courtesan, that age-old male fantasy that hides all male violence and hides the conditions of the prostituted class.

It is the image/fantasy of a middle-class or upper-class adult prostitute who enjoys her life.

It is the image/fantasy that is not just indoors prostitution, but always highly paid, always doing any sexual act with great joy.

It is the image/fantasy that these prostitutes just love doing sexual act or having sexual acts done to them, that good women will not do.

It is an image/fantasy that is allowing violence in indoors prostitution to happen all the time everywhere – but the Left and liberal feminists can turn their backs on it, imagining it is just a chosen lifestyle.

The vile language of sex work/worker reaches it peak when everywhere there – under aged sex workers, migrant sex workers, survival sex work and so many other terms of hate.

It is the language that George Orwell would recognise.

 

I cannot write in full coz grief is all round me.

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27 responses to “Pimp Words are Everywhere

  1. I so appreciate your calling me to this awareness and I especially treasure your openness. I wish you much healing.

    I am posting this on FB for my friends who do work against human trafficking. Thank you.

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  2. I’m sorry, but I just don’t agree with you. Violence and victimization DO occur, but to say that the “happy hooker” is a fantasy is just ignorant. I’m a sex worker and I’m proud of that label. I am not pimped, coerced, or abused. I prefer this job over any other. I make a living wage that I couldn’t otherwise earn, and because of that I’m able to take care of my family and all of us are comfortable.
    I’m sorry for what you went through and the abuse that you suffered, but when you throw this blanket over the entire sex trade, what you’re doing is silencing the women who ARE choosing this – and you’re perpetuating the notion that all sex work is violent. It is NOT. It is because of people like you who perpetuate that image of all sex workers being victims of abuse that laws with harsher and harsher penalties are driving our trade further and further underground.
    Sex work does not = violence.
    The black market = violence.
    You want to debate me, fine – do it in public.
    My blog is here: http://askdelaine.tumblr.com
    My email is here: DeLaineInLA@gmail.com
    My twitter is here: @DeLaineInLA
    I’m not dismissing any abuse you suffered – but I refuse to let you put everyone in the same category. I know many, many women who are happy in their profession as sex workers. You don’t want to call it that, fine. Call us working girls. Hell, even call us whores – but don’t call us victims.

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  3. The concept of the Happy Hooker is a myth made by men – for in aspects of prostitution whether high-class escorting or street-based prostitution are in constant danger that at any time and in any a punter can make the choose to be violent. I know that some prostitutes choose to be in the sex trade – but even if you do choose there is always the likely possibility that punter will be victim.
    That is not about being a victim, for i know the vast majority have huge mental strength and are trying to build a better life for themselves.
    No, the point is that the punter has the free choice over whether he uses victim on the prostitute. No man need to buy a prostitute, all punters can make the choice not to buy the prostituted. Therefore the actual buying of the prostitute is an act of in itself. But most punters will feel entitle to rape, abuse, torture or murder the prostituted.
    That is why i back making the demand a criminal act, and decriminalising the prostituted whilst providing holistic and long-term exiting programmes.

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  4. Where do I even start with this?
    For one, nobody buys prostitutes. I don’t sell my body or my “self”. I sell my time & I sell a skill and services.
    But the larger problem I see here is a complete transference of blame & responsibility; the average ‘punter’ is a 35-50 year old professional with absolutely zero interest in causing harm to another human being. It isn’t fair to lump me in with victims, and it certainly isn’t fair to lump them in with predators.
    Buyers of sexual services are not violent people. Violent people are violent all on their own, whether they are targeting prostitutes, children, women, the elderly or whoever else.
    But you know the biggest reason why these violent people target prostitutes? Because what we do is illegal (whether it’s criminalized or not, even under the Swedish model it’s still illegal). These people target prostitutes because they KNOW that the likelihood of being reported is slim – and that the likelihood of prosecution even if they do get reported is even more slim. It’s a bright neon green light to prey on sex workers, BECAUSE our industry is a completely unregulated black market. We have no one to complain to because people like you tell everyone else that what we do is wrong & dirty & nobody should do it, and anyone who does it is sick or twisted.
    In my four years in the sex industry I have never once been in a situation where I’ve feared for my safety – not just because I’m careful about who I meet, but also because the vast majority of ‘punters’ are just average guys looking to relieve some stress. That’s it. They don’t have filed teeth dripping with blood, they don’t eat babies for breakfast and they don’t worship the devil.

    Look, I’m not denying that what you must have gone through was traumatic for you. Obviously it was. I haven’t read your other posts & frankly I don’t have the time, so I don’t know your specific history. For whatever reason, you chose to stay with a pimp. There are incredibly few situations in the first world where women are actually chained hand and foot and forced to be sex slaves. Does it happen? Sure – but those extreme scenarios are exceedingly rare. You eventually walked away, which you could have done at the beginning before all of these terrible things happened to you. Of course hindsight is always 20/20, but if it was THAT traumatic from the start, why stay?

    What I *do* know is that just because you had a bad experience doesn’t mean everyone is having a bad experience. Just because you experienced trauma doesn’t give you the right to tell anyone else how to live, what to feel, what to do with their body or what “morals” they should have.

    You do what’s right for you, and you leave me to do what’s right for me. You want to make life better for women in the sex trade? Then legalize & regulate this industry, and that gives us a place to report predators and pimps alike.

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  5. Two different personal experiences , facinating and deeply moving to read. Thank you for sharing and of course I hope healing is found. The question , or questions that arise for me is : Why do men use prostitutes ? I know it sounds obvious , but the acceptance – between men- to buy sexual services , rather than to have to form healthy relationships – however brief- has been existing sooo long , it’s not even debated. Of course I know it’s considered the oldest profession, and will continue to be , but a man would never put that he uses prostitutes on his CV . To understand a mans shame , need to control, objectify , bear no responsibility.How many turn a blind eye to witnessing under-age sex, violence and all the awful things mentioned . what does witnessing these things and then not reporting them to the police , do to their own sense of self worth, the deals they do with themselves .What is the driving force behind the accepted right of men to buy sex. Why dont women do it – ok , some do, not many, and what of those that do ? I would be interested to hear your views.

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  6. Dear Delaine,
    you are selling your body, do not tell any fairy tale. A prostitute (I hate this word “sex worker”) sells her body, not the craft of her job. The pimp is not buying the product of your work, but you in order to use your body, your mouth, your holes. You are right, not everyone had such bad experiences, but 99%. And you cannot put YOUR experience on the rest of prostitutes. So long and have a fab life (shall we speak about your experiences, when you are 50?)

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  7. Delaine as you said you have not read the rest of my blog, just one post – so therefore you get everything about me and the reasons I write this blog.
    I was never live /stay with a pimp, I was in many aspects of indoors prostitution, I also know and work with many exited prostituted people who experienced violence in all aspects of indoors prostitution.
    I understand your pov, but also know many women who choose to do escorting/girlfriend experience thinking it would be safe. These women had try to carefully choose the punters – but it is almost impossible to know whether a punter who make the choice to be violent. I would never consider those women to be victims, for they are strong women – rather it is the structure of prostitution that gives punters full permission to be violent.
    As for “walking away” that is highly dismissive of how the sex trade works. It is common practice in all aspects of prostitution to use mental violence to break down the prostitute. This includes saying that no-one outside the sex will understand/care about, that the sex trade is their only friends – the original of so-called stigma is in the hands of sex trade profiteers who lie that all outside the sex trade would condemn the prostituted. This is not true – but it is a lie used to keep the prostituted class controllable and limit their ability to exit.
    I have look at your and see it just used to advertise and promote myths about the sex trade. So I am not surprised that you speak the language of pimps. It is sad, but I may delete from now on – for it is not a space for the sex trade lobby, there is loads of other places for that

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  8. Sorry you have got this patronising response to another well expressed blog post Rebecca. The commenter above is making a lot of assumptions about the reasons behind violence against those in prostitution, which doesn’t tie up with the fact they say they have never experienced any violence directly, or know anyone unhappy in the “profession”. Certainly it sounds like an awful lot of pro-prostitution rhetoric to me.

    All of the women exiting prostitution I have ever met have related to me the same information as you bravely highlight in your blog, and your work is very important in giving voice to those who are left unheard.

    The hypocrisy of those who claim to have “good” experiences in prostitution saying *they* are silenced by those who have been relentlessly abused and tortured, and demanding *your* silence, is an element of this work I will never understand!

    At least if they’re targeting your blog with this rubbish it is showing how important your work is becoming. We’ve got your back Rebecca xx

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  9. Rebecca as a survivor and one of the founders of an org of 177 survivors, I know the truth and beauty of your writing has helped countless survivors cope with the ordeal of prostitution. I agree with Gabriella — your blog is being deliberately targeted by sex industry promoters because your words are powerful and for reaching. Love you

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  10. Delaine: ” I don’t sell my body or my “self”. ”
    How on Earth do you manage to sell sex without selling/renting parts of your body to the punters? As far as I know an intercourse in the good old missionary way involve at least your vagina – French involves your mouth – Greek involves ……you know…and so on.

    So yes, you are simply renting parts of your body for use by the punters.

    And by the way – how do you explain 6 murdered prostitutes in New Zealand – 21 murdered prostitutes in Germany and 127 murdered prostiutes in Netherlands with their legal markets?
    And a thriving black and very much illegal sexmarket in the mentioned countries?

    And the fact, that even New Zealand now has an organisation of Survivors of prostitution who works for NZ to adopt the Nordic Model, because the PRA did not gave the prostitutes better working conditions or reduced the violence (6 murdered prostitutes and one attempted murder is certainly a proof of that).

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  11. I am also in support of the women who have the courage to tell how much they were made to give away in what people like DeLaine would minimize as being merely his or her time, “skill” and services.
    The claim that “the average punter has zero interest in causing harm to another human being” is invalidated on any of the many forums where such men freely express their misogyny and sadism. Indeed, the problem is that they do not consider prostituted women to be human beings. And even if this material didn’t exist, even if bodies didn’t testify daily worldwide to the violence of sexual exploitation, DeLaine’s argument still wouldn’t hold water because it narrows everything down to the punter’s perspective, not to the prostitute’s reality.
    He or she claims to be making “a living wage that I couldn’t otherwise earn”. Let’s deal with this as being the problem for all the women being pressed into selling away their integrity and psychological balance, as so many survivors have tried to tell us, over the “happy hookers” propaganda.

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  12. My comments here were always qualified with “violence exists, BUT…”
    Delete this if you want, but just because my opinion doesn’t match everyone else’s opinion doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be heard.
    A bad experience isn’t everyone’s experience – and as someone mentioned above, do I want that experience silenced? Of course not!
    So many commenters here have said things like “You are selling your body I don’t care what you say!” and “You are compromising your morals and integrity!”
    Funny, because I really don’t feel that way.
    How many of you directing these disparaging comments (while simultaneously complaining about how women in the sex industry are marginalized, LOL) have actually had direct experience working in the sex industry?
    And no – I am not a pimp, and I do not run an agency of any sort. I am an advocate for myself only. I speak for myself only. But I refuse to be called a victim.
    I could get another job if I wanted – but I don’t want to. Yes I USE my body in my work – so what? So do construction workers. So do models. So do athletes. What’s your point?
    Come back with arguments that aren’t rhetorical and are backed by data and maybe I’ll listen to you – but simply spouting hysterical scaretistics and saying “Some girls get hurt!” doesn’t make it true for ALL sex workers and it certainly doesn’t make it true for me – and telling me that “Let’s talk when you’re 50” is just another way of dismissing my own feelings about my own experiences and the evidence that’s in front of you when your claims are refuted.
    I am not damaged, hurt, ashamed, or morally corrupt. What I do is not wrong.

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  13. I think you are purposely misreading what some of the commenters are saying. They are not being moralistic or judging the prostituted, just pointing out that most of prostitution is full of male violence.
    It is not a moral issue – it is an issue of human rights. Prostitution is wrong because it give men full permission to use mental, physical and sexual violence on the prostituted class. This means that all punters are doing an violence by making the choice to buy another human just for his sexual greed – therefore the act of being a punter is an act in and of itself.
    We should focusing on the male choice to be a punter – not on individual choices of the prostituted. We should be questioning that sense of entitlement that place the vast majority of the prostituted in the line of torture, multiple rapes and murder. We must stop making the punter invisible.

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  14. Delaine, the question is not what you think you are selling, it is what punters/sex buyers believe themselves to be purchasing–temporary but exclusive rights to your body. This purchase does not permit negotiation over what kind of position you prefer or whether or not you get off, or even what you think you are selling. He doesn’t care.

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  15. It’s very disturbing to see so much controversial hyperbole and rhetoric when we should be working together as WOMEN – not as our respective professions – to find solutions to why so many other women are being driven to the sex trade and stay there because our society has failed time and time again to protect and respect a WOMAN’S RIGHT TO CHOOSE what she does and how she does it. Our intense desire to label and categorize and judge has created an environment where we cannot communicate with each other.

    It is no longer “enough” to be for or against legalization, decriminalization, to advocate for one model or another…we must come together as WOMEN to make sure that life for other WOMEN includes real opportunity for equality in the human rights arena and economic empowerment in the workplace to ensure that when our SISTERS are making career choices, they have ALL they need to make informed CHOICES.

    Yes ladies – its time to come TOGETHER and make the world a better place by supporting each other in a spiritual place that graciously accepts each other AS WE ARE and to share what we know from all the sides of the issues.

    If we don’t do it TOGETHER than we leave it up to legislators and they have not been very concerned with the welfare of women in general.

    As for punters? Well – they are on their own to figure out what they do and why they do it.

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  16. Save a Woman – prostitution is not a career, for the concept of sex work was invented by pimps to keep control over their public image and to hide male violence.
    We need to focus on the punters, not the prostituted – for it is demand that fuels the sex trade. Punters have no reason to change, for they are the ones with power and control. Without society creating legislation that attacks that demand, as well as attacking sex trade profiteers who create the supply. The important is decrimalise the prostituted, and provide long-term holistic exiting projects.
    This is an issue of human rights not a psychological problem.
    It is important to recognise that the vast majority of the prostituted cannot freely choose – less than 1-3% of the prostituted are in that position. Often the concept of free choice is undermined by past abuse, by economic situation, by the sex trade profiteers and punters use of mental abuse, by ethnicity etc.
    Human rights is about fighting to free the oppressed, not to stop because a tiny minority may choose to be inside a system of oppression.
    I believe we owe to all the prostituted class to think bigger than harm reduction or further control of the status quo of the sex trade.

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  17. Oh, and sorry for double posting. Would it be okey for me to translate this piece into Swedish and reblogg ? (with a link to your original post here of course?)

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  18. Pingback: Hallickars ord finns överallt | Den Djupgröna Bloggen

  19. DeLaine, I don’t think this is the right place/time to respond in that way. I think it’s important to know when to choose your battles and rmott62 is clearly in pain whilst writing this. I think it’s in poor taste and disrespectful to wade in like that. Ok, you disagree, but your post just seems so invalidating even while you say it’s not.

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  20. Ok, so I hadn’t read the whole thread when I posted. Wow. Just WOW! rmott62, you’re amazing. How do you manage to engage like that and write so beautifully when you must be feeling terribly triggered? DeLaine it sounds like you have been lucky so far. I hope you stay safe. rmott62- huge respect to you.

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