You are Nothing

How do I explain what it is and was to be prostituted?

How do I explain, express and try to show what it is to be made nothing?

I have tried with my words on this blog, on Facebook, in speeches and informal discussions to speak to the centre of that black hole. Only to feel my words always just skim the surface.

How is it possible to speak to nothing?

Nothing will come from nothing is the saying that runs riot in my head – leading to a place where despair appears relaxing.

I need to see the ways I was made nothing.

I need to know that being nothing had some meaning.

I need to hold nothing that was my existence and learn to forgive enough to grieve

Then maybe something can be made of nothing.

I feel and deeply believe that push towards full abolition for all the prostituted, we must explore the emotional losses and psychological damage that is the legacy of being prostituted.

We need to think outside of facts, look in grief, stare at confusion and hold hands with terror.

We must learn to be at home with messy emotions, and to learn that some trauma cannot not be repaired only be a shadow.

I feel the abolition movement pushes away the multiple voices of survivors of the sex trade, coz they appeared too messy, too stringent, too full of pain/anger.

But the more you silenced our voices, the more we will appeared to be awkward, too demanding and like a constant scream that follows you around.

We are the ghosts at your celebration, we are the shadow that whispers there is so much more that must be done, we are the black cloud that causes you headaches.

For the constant dismissal of the multiple voices of survivors of the sex trade – except a tiny few who fit your preconceived image of what an exited woman is – is the larger barrier to having full freedom of the prostituted class.

I believed the refusal to listen and hear with any depth our voices comes from a refusal to know and hear negative emotions, or hears ours truths may not easy solutions or fit inside a neat feminist/Leftist box.

To refuse to hear and know the emotions of what it is and was to be prostituted, is to keep us as sub-human, maybe at the best as pets you only bring out on special occasions.

You are keeping us sub-human, as you only allow survivors to speak out under your agenda.

If we dare speak beyond a feminist or leftist agenda, we are put back into a box, and the lid is shut until it felt our language has become your language.

But our truths, our experiences and our pain is more than political debate, more than an example you can learn from, more than another horror story you can tick off.

We remembered the centre of what it is and was to be tortured, we remembered what patriarchy feels likes as it poisons every cell in our bodies.

We speak to emotions that had to be murdered in order that our bodies somehow survive whilst numb to all reality.

We know what evil is as we know how sex trade profiteers operate, and remember in our bodies that punters never accidentally destroy us.

Would you be able to truly hear, hear enough to quiet enough to learn, how we got through that hell – or would prefer we stay safe with “facts” and statistics?

Well, I for one want to go deeper than facts, I want to explore the heart of darkness that made me into nothing.

I want and need to know that part of my life for it made me for good or bad.

I live with trauma, I live with body memories, I live with fragmented memory – all this was forced into me by prostitution. So I want and need to know who I was then to maybe understand who I am now.

I do this for me – but more I hope I can make connections with others who have survived the sex trade, and have huge gaps of loss and memory.

Those survivors are my family, my purpose and my touchstone.

I want to be clear that all forms of prostitution should be classed as torture, that all forms of prostitution is the destruction of human rights and the human soul.

There can never be any reason or excuse for the existence of prostitution – all so-called reasons are just selfish, self-justifying and comes from the idea that all the prostituted are too sub-human to have access to human rights.

So each time you hear, you read or even if you think there is some kind of prostitution that can be made ok – then know you not silencing survivors of the sex trade. but forcing a dagger into our hearts

All forms of prostitution are made to look good by the sex trade – all forms of media will be used to spread the propaganda that we must never look too closely at the conditions that make prostitution.

We must look hard enough to see the dead eyes of the prostituted, we must pretend not to know it is impossible to equate exchange of money/gifts with full consent, we must turn away from ideas like rape industry or paid rape.

We need to refuse to know that if it done to us it would be painful, humiliating, a crime or even an outrage – for we must believed it fine to rape, abuse and tortured the prostituted for they are nothing.

Well, I for one, refuse to allow the easy road of turning away from the terror, pain and confusion that is in all the prostituted.

I for one, need you to see and know that we must know that hell for it man-made and done for pleasure and control.

To be made nothing – nothing but holes for punters to use as living porn-doll.

To be made nothing – nothing than a stereotype of whatever woman/girl/man/boy that the punter wants to use as a fuck-toy.

To be made nothing – nothing can feel no pain or grief as torture becomes the norm.

To be made nothing – nothing as sex trade profiteers pass you round all aspects of the sex trade, move you from street to street, city to city, country to country.

To be made nothing – nothing as lined up like meat for punters to pick.

To be made nothing – nothing as it becomes normal for the prostituted to be thrown away, or just disappear.

This is all planned and organised – but the trick of the sex trade is to make you believe any act of violence done to the prostituted is random, and can be dealt with.

I hope this post makes sense – please write to me what you think.

 

 

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13 responses to “You are Nothing

  1. It makes sense; very painful to think about how political positions tend to drive us into seeing people as “survivors” and not human-beings carrying emotional and physical wounds that can’t be fathomed. Hoping for your continual healing and that of all those living in, and who have escaped, the fangs of prostitution.

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  2. I think your words are so true. This is how it feels to be in the life. it is frustrating to not be heard, It is frustrating to not be seen as a professional or taken seriously. WE DO understand what it is to survive and how to help ourselves heal ever so slightly just to be pushed back by an Academic who says they know better because their material is “peer reviewed” by hundreds “studying” sex trafficking.

    Your gift is words, and your words are healing — We are alive because we fought to stay alive, it Almost killed us, ALMOST!

    Thank you Rebecca!

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  3. I understand what you mean as being seen as sub-human by the world. So many experience this in their homes and by their own abusive families…it’s where low self-esteem comes from. My heart breaks for what you have had to experience. You’ve done such a good job explaining the de-humanizing aspects of prostitution which is ABUSE. I hope that you will continue writing and healing and finding your own Divine love..the kind that no human can ever take from you.

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  4. Marianne it is important to separate out the industrialised violence that is the sex trade from other forms of violence to females. Though they are interconnected in many ways, the crime of prostitution is the man-made invention of a class of mainly females made into sub-human sexual goods to be torture and then thrown away. This has been in existence for over 4000 years.

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  5. I’d like to add this. It took enormous strength for you to survive your ordeal. Speaking out as you are doing shows great courage. You are a voice for those unable to speak for themselves, especially those lost to drugs and despair. You touch on a profound truth in saying that prostitution is an extension of abuse, demeaning women and depriving them of identity. No material thing can compensate for that emptiness. Religion — which should have provided comfort — has often been used as a weapon against the men, women, boys, and girls forced (whether by desperation or coercion) into the sex trade. We should instead be directing a spotlight on those benefiting from (and perpetuating) the trade. God knows the pain you have endured. May He bring you peace.

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  6. “I need to know that being nothing had some meaning” You say this.

    Oh Rebecca of course it had some meaning – it meant that you were being abusively treated – consciously or unconsciously – by the rest of society as rubbish, as dross, as nothing, which you were and are not; and we, the rest of society must be deeply and eternally ashamed of treating you like that.

    Additionally, the saying “Nothing must come from nothing” is from Shakespeare’s play King Lear and is bitter, ironic, and tragically untrue – its all a big mess about daughters and fatherly love and power, that kind of Shakespearean big scenario which is worth checking out if you have nothing better to do. (Its big powerful drama and a live performance can be wonderful (or too drawn out if you have the stamina for it.) Cordelia. Goneril. Regan. Three sisters, two are murdering bitches. Only Cordelia can say nothing. (She dies).

    Additionally, to me you are never nothing. You are a precious, perfect creation of our amazing universe struggling to fulfil yourself an often stumbling as we all do (I am not religious so I do not see that God has anything to do with it, but you may do). You are part of all of us as we are part of all of you.

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  7. Rebecca, I can relate with feeling like nothing but those that treat you like nothing are the ones that are nothing. I’m so sorry you had to endure what nobody should or deserves.
    Things you wrote resonate with me on some level as I was abused. I cannot begin to imagine your pain and the psychological damage isn’t as easy to fix like our bodies. I cannot imagine the terror you speak off and my heart goes out to you. You have ever right to be heard, to want to scream, to make the world see and I think the world needs to stop and hear and listen to survivors, it’s needs voices like you to speak out, it needs educationing and changing and nobody should get hurt or exploited. You are a human, you deserve rights and respect, you are an equal. You are not what others have done to you, you are not a sub human. You are worthy and valuable. Keep talking and please keep safe. Sending love and hugs. You are amazing! You mean something you are something, they are the nothing.

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  8. Sofia –

    You say you were abused and I say – this is for you – that you have the right – this is for you also:-

    (a) to be heard, to want to scream, – – –

    (b) you say – the world needs voices like you to speak out, it needs educating and changing and nobody should get hurt or exploited. You are a human, you deserve rights and respect, you are an equal.

    – this is for you also.

    (c) You are not what others have done to you, you are not sub human. You are worthy and valuable. – – – You are amazing.

    – this is for you also.

    With love and hugs to you and Rebecca from so many of us, but not from the troublemakers.

    J

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  9. What can I say. Everything in this post is true.

    Please keep posting. Please speaking out about what it feels to be treated as nothing.

    I am reading the book referred to elsewhere (I’m up to page 70) about unions that have been set up for prostitutes when no prostitutes are on their books and when these ” labour unions for prostitutes” are not working IN THE FACE OF EMPLOYERS for better conditions at all, but working WITH pimps and employers merely to promote the legalisation of prostitution, with no safeguards.

    Safeguards? All modern industrial unions demand safeguards.

    The so-called unions for prostitutes refer to “harm reduction”.

    HARM REDUCTION!!!

    What other employment sector would act for HARM REDUCTION?

    Oil platform workers? Its ok to get damaged, beaten up, bruised, broken, lets just keep it to harm reduction??!!!

    Council workers including social workers, housing officers etc.

    HARM REDUCTION? Its ok for you to call on and sit alone with unstable individuals, housing tenants etc? maybe you will get beaten up, maybe you will be coerced into injecting heroin to make you feel better?

    That’s ok, though, because we are practicing harm reduction.

    You can go to a hostel, an overnight safehouse where you can go to recover from being beaten up, bruised etc We will give you condoms and STD health checks. That’s ok, then, for council workers etc.?

    Speaking as a Council house tenant and as a former City Council Councillor , I think the Council officers’ unions would find this totally unacceptable. Would they negotiate from the position of bruised limbs for “damage limitation”.

    HARM REDUCTION as a starting point for negotiation?

    Isn’t that a bit 19th century, Victorian, Dickensian?

    Isn’t that what the prostitutes “unions” are arguing for? HARM REDUCTION??

    – well, I think that is a no no. Its a total no no.

    Lets get back to basics.

    Lets recognise that working conditions that involve criminal abuse are criminally abusive, not an employment opportunity.

    Any prostitutes wanting to join existing prostitutes’ unions?

    (Oh, also membership seems to be open to pimps and employers also, so the concept of unions fighting for members rights against employers/bosses requirements might not apply – does that mean they are not a workers/’ union after all?)

    J

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  10. Pingback: Você é nada | mulheres contra o estupro pago

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